


You Are Not Alone

by gr8escap



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Political Animals
Genre: Amputation, Asexual Steve Rogers, Asexuality Spectrum, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexuality, Boys Kissing, Bucky Makes His Own Rules, Coming Out, Google Translated Russian, Grandpa Hammond's Farm, Homelessness, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Minor Injuries, Multi, Paranoia, Polyamory, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Recovery Bucky Barnes, Service Dogs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 12:02:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 76,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8577823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gr8escap/pseuds/gr8escap
Summary: TJ Hammond is sentenced to Community Service, during which he is involved in finding and helping to rescue Bucky Barnes. The time he spends with Bucky and ultimately with Steve Rogers introduces the three to a new concept in relationships.





	1. Chapter 1

TJ could about spit. He was stuck doing this _community service_ for another three hours. Three lousy hours until he was free of the punishment. He had failed to fight the charges, they’d found the coke in his possession. Ok, in his car. He wasn’t even sure it was his. If it was, it had been there for at least two years. Although he’d been clean for three years, the stuff could have been there from one desperate night. A night where TJ had nearly given in and done coke with the cute guy who he’d known was a mistake even before they were together, steaming up the back seat of his car. That was the only time he had drugs in this car, and TJ stopped before they got to the drugs. The sex had turned out to be enough of a distraction.

TJ had been driving from meeting a band to potentially book for monthly gigs when he’d gotten a phone call from Dougie. “TJ!” Douglas had sounded elated. “Guess what we just found out!”

“Dougie! What?” TJ asked, smiling as he drove down the country road. He took a sip of his coffee waiting for Douglas to respond.

“You’re going to be an uncle! Annie’s expecting twins! Can you believe it?!”

TJ jumped with excitement, the coffee in his hand already forgotten, until a large splash of it landed in his lap. “Shit! Dammit! Dougie I gotta let you go.” TJ cried out, trying to keep the heat from ruining crucial parts of his anatomy. In doing so, he swerved the car and overcorrected and within moments, he heard the sharp roar of a police siren.

He’d been stopped for driving erratically, the small-town Virginia cop must have seen dollar signs on TJ’s car, and then the cop saw TJ’s face and saw his fifteen minutes of fame and glory. “Out of the car Mister Hammond.”

The initial charge was a DUI, which TJ got out of without any erasure from his meddling political family. He was clean, tested clean, passed all of the rigorous tests, but the drug dog they’d called in (because TJ Hammond was a goldmine) found the baggie wedged between cushions in the back of the car and so TJ was popped for possession.

That’s why TJ was on hour twenty nine of his community service. TJ looked around the dark overpass at the huddled homeless people, following his supervisor, a small, lithe strawberry blonde named Natalie. She looked familiar, he’d thought so for the entirety of his CS. “TJ, take these over to that side, there’s a guy and a dog over there. Don’t worry, I’ll cover you.” she said with a smirk when he looked at her like she was speaking Russian. Although, even TJ had a passing knowledge of Russian, “Dog probably won’t bite but the man might.”

“Then you go.” TJ was brave enough, he didn’t know why, but the elfin beauty with the full pink lips and narrowed-eyed smile frightened him.

“It’s not _my_ community service.”

“Fine.” TJ hefted the backpack filled with a blanket, food, sweatpants, a clean t-shirt and gloves in it, pulled a twenty from his own pocket and stuffed it into the front pocket. “Do you have anything for their pets?”

She gave him a look of shock, as though nobody ever thought about the animals, and why wouldn’t they? The poor creatures were as cold and hungry as their two-legged companions were.

“I have some stuff I’d picked up for my neighbor’s dog in my trunk. Go get it and I’ll replace it later.” She said with a kinder tone than he’d heard from her, ever, in the previous 29 hours of his thirty-two hour sentence. “Maybe we should consider it.”

“Maybe so.” TJ smirked, taking her key and running the half-block to her car where it sat under a streetlamp.

He found the dog supplies, some dry and some pouches of moist food, a couple of dog-toys and two bags of treats. There were also two dog-sweaters, which he’d nearly tossed into the trunk, before looking at their size and mentally sizing up the dog across the road. He stuffed them back into the reusable shopping bag. He tugged two bottles of water from the trunk, and tossed them on top of the sweaters before pulling the bag from the trunk, slamming it as he turned to cross the road.

TJ’s steps slowed on the return. He wasn’t afraid of dogs, not even afraid of these homeless people, not anymore. Two-thirds of his community service had been completed on the streets. The remaining third was accomplished by assembling the backpacks. He’d brought a case of them with him to his second meeting and Natalie had looked down her pert nose at him and said “you can’t buy your way out of Community Service”, to which he’d replied, “you want to give these people something to help? You really want to turn our nose up at a donation? I know I’m in this for another 30 hours. Your stupid speech last time got under my skin, ok?”

So the bags they’d been about to fill became backpacks and TJ hefted the one he was carrying now and approached the man. “Excuse me, sir. I have some things.”

“I don’t need any charity, go ahead and give it to someone with a family.” The voice that came from underneath the hair and the dark hat was velvety smooth. TJ watched the man shift uncomfortably, favoring his left side.

“No, but your dog doesn’t care about pride, maybe he, or she? Wouldn’t mind a toy and a treat?” TJ didn’t _always_ have the right words, but he wasn’t an idiot. He was his father’s son after all.

“Яночка, she will eat anything.” The velvety voice softened to a silken melted chocolate sound. Love softened any voice, TJ knew.

“May I pet her? That’s lovely, it’s Russian, right?”

The man shifted again, tugging his hat down nervously with his right hand.

“Listen, are you ok? Can I help you?” TJ knelt in front of the dog, holding a hand out for her to sniff, instead of getting in the man’s space.

“I’m fine.” Velvet voice said – although it was more a whiskey voice now.

 TJ sent a text to Natalie while ignoring the topic while facing of the man on the ground. The text simply said: “I need help. Now.” To the dog, he crooned, “Hello Яночка. May I give her one of the treats? Or has she had dinner? There’s some dog-food and water in here.”

TJ knew his voice had gone soft, hopefully the concern for the obviously suffering homeless man would be translated as concern _solely_ for the dog. It was dark, he couldn’t see the man’s face for the darkness and for the added shadows of hair and hat. Яночка, on the other hand, was white with a little patch of color, probably tan from what TJ could make out in the gray darkness under the overpass.

The man nodded, “she could use a meal,” he said softly. Both men were startled by the stealthy appearance of TJ’s tiny boss. The hairs stood up on the back of TJ’s neck. The man on the ground rolled onto his right side, apparently no longer able to sit upright.

TJ, closest to the man, reached for him, when the dog sniffed him and then her owner, he knew there weren’t going to be any repercussions. TJ took his jacket off and rolled it up, quickly placing it under the man’s head, and took the hat that fell away and set it on top of the new backpack he hadn’t officially given yet. The man looked up at him with frightened eyes and TJ reached to brush his hair from his face, “you’ll be ok. Don’t worry.”

“I can’t leave her.” He said with what could be the last of his strength.

“Don’t worry. I won’t make you.”

“TJ.” Natalie scolded, kneeling on the man’s other side. She gasped when she saw his face. “звездочка моя” she reached out, but hesitated before touching the man.

“Наталия”

TJ was stunned, obviously the man and Natalie, Nataliya, knew one another, why else would the scary supervisor of the small-town community service call this homeless man “My Star”? Maybe she’d been looking for this man all the while.

“TJ,” Natalie’s tone was hushed, “I need you to keep an eye on his dog, don’t say one word about anything you’ve seen here tonight. I can trust you right?”

TJ had a variety of sarcastic comments just dancing in his head waiting to escape, not the least of which was ‘could he buy his three, no, two and a half, hours back?’ He stifled the thoughts as the man grasped TJ’s wrist, the grip wasn’t as weak as someone in his position should be, it wasn’t overly strong either, “Яночка”

“I’ll take care of Яночка.” TJ promised. He looked into the man’s eyes again, softening more, wondering what else he could do. “What’s wrong with him?”

TJ turned to look at Natalie and she was a few feet away talking rapidly on her phone. TJ opened the man’s dirty, thick coat and saw a bloodied lightly colored plaid shirt. He opened the shirt to another layer, a white or light gray thermal Henley, also covered in blood.

TJ quickly yanked sweat pants from the backpack, and pulled a bottle of water out of the bag with the dog supplies. TJ carefully lifted the man’s shirt. “What happened? Who did this?”

“головорезы”

“Somehow I think “thugs” is more ominous than it should sound.” TJ muttered, trying to clean the area. He grabbed his phone and turned on the flashlight, “Say, judging by the grip you had on my wrist, do you think you're strong enough to hold this?”

The man took the phone and wobbled the light a little but it worked enough to allow TJ to see what and where to clean.

“Are you cold? There’s a blanket in here. What am I looking at, gunshot or knife?” TJ was rambling in his nervousness. He’d barely paid attention to those first aid classes that he was required to attend for whatever photo op that had been. He tugged the emergency blanket out of the bag and hurriedly opened the pouch and spread it over the man’s legs and as much of his exposed torso as he could, glancing at Natalie who was standing surprisingly still through her hushed, agitated phone call.

“I know you speak English as well as I do, and my Russian is rudimentary at best. It’s dark and there’s a lot to clean around so would you please, knife or bullet?”

“Both?” The man smirked, rolling his head to look after his dog. “иди сюда” he said and the dog curled up at his head, allowing him to lie across her back.

“She’s amazing. Beautiful dog.” TJ said as he continued to clean the area and attempted to avoid disturbing the actual wounds. They were seeping but not actively bleeding, he’d rather that stay the case. He apologized when the man winced, hissing in a sharp breath.

“You’re not from around here.” The man said with a touch of pain and a bit of humor in his voice.

“Yeah? I’m guessing you’re not either. Both huh? I’ve heard it’s rough out here.”

“Yeah, you could say that.”

“No hospital? You could have called the cute girl over there instead of making her scour homeless villages across the state.”

“She’s a surprise.” The man said, moaning against pain caused by TJ’s attentions.

“Hmm. What are the odds.” TJ said, trying not to freak out at the pain he was causing, the blood all over, and his demons trying to rise up.

“No odds. I’m sure this was the end game.” The man said, he set the phone down and took TJ’s hand. “If you have any pull with your parents… don’t let them… don’t let her return me to them.”

“Who is _them_? You mean the ‘thugs’? She’s with them?” TJ’s heart lurched, “If she’s with them, I traveled with her, I don’t know how to…”

“James, I’m not with “them”. Think about it.” Natalie or was it Nataliya? Turned “ **He’s** not with them, talk to him. If you don’t believe me. If you don’t trust me. Talk to Steve.”

TJ watched, absently holding a clean section of the fleece sweat pants against the wound, trying again to cover “James’” exposed skin with the emergency blanket. He looked around, the camp of homeless had disbursed after getting goods, and nobody seemed to be concerned about this lone man and dog. “Natalie” handed “James” the phone. TJ felt cold where “James’” hand released its grip on his.

He could hear all of the conversation, Natalie – now Natasha’s phone on video. Holy shit. “Holy shit.” TJ breathed, that was Steve Rogers. That meant _she_ was… oh, he could see it now, what kind of mad skills this woman had to possess to alter her appearance so subtly. _She_ was _the Black Widow_. “Holy shit.”

The fact that the two people there looked at TJ didn’t bother him, it wasn’t even that the dog even looked up without lifting her head. It was that Steve Rogers seemed to peer through the phone to see who was cursing that made TJ laugh.

“Buck. Listen to Natasha, go with her. We’ll keep you safe.”

Natasha took the phone and James’ hand found TJ’s wrist again, “please.”

TJ looked from James’ pleading face to Natasha’s confused one. “I think he still wants me to keep him safe. From you. From _them_.” To James, he said, “I’ll go with you. My mother knows Steve Rogers, she trusts him. Even she’d call him to help you. Do you trust me to go with you? I’m sure they have someone who can help you with your injuries.”

“Call your mother. Tell her where you are, where you’re going. Make sure she knows how to find you.” James said weakly.

TJ looked at Natasha, who still had a pained Steve Rogers on videophone. She nodded. “Ok, I’ll do that. I’ll keep Яночка safe while they fix you up. The dog goes with us.” TJ told Natasha.

“Steve we’ll be a couple hours, is there any way you can meet us half-way?” She said, staying within the group, presumably to foster trust in the weakened, injured homeless man who meant something very important to Steve Rogers.

“I’m going to take Яночка to the car and I’ll bring them both around and help you in, is that ok?” TJ asked James specifically, not looking at Natasha for confirmation. He figured that if he had the dog from the start, James would continue to trust that he was going to look after her.

“Ok.” James tried to shove back into a seated position, only to have TJ touch his shoulder from behind, where he was gathering the dog’s food and her rope-turned-leash.

“Wait here, you can lie down til we get back.”

“Don’t forget your jacket.” James seemed concerned.

“I won’t, meanwhile, just use it to keep off the hard ground. She’ll be safe with me. I promise. _Natalie_ will gather your things.”

TJ rose and he and Natasha exchanged glances, before he whistled softly and the dog followed him down the street.


	2. Chapter 2

Яночка jumped into the car without hesitation and climbed into the front seat next to TJ. “Don’t worry little girl. We’ll take care of him. I promised him, I’m promising you.” TJ said as he started the car and flipped a u-turn. He pulled up onto the sidewalk garnering a glare from the spy. He smirked as he realized why she had scared the shit out of him in the first place. She’d also been tender and she’d been a friend. He’d thought.

“Stay.” TJ said to the dog as he hopped out of the driver’s seat and popped the trunk. TJ worked with Natalie/Nataliya/Natasha to get James into the car, helping him spread out across the back seat of the sedan before turning to gather the things from his small camp-spot. By the time TJ closed the trunk and walked around to the passenger door, he saw that James had the dog lying on the floor in the back with her head on his arm. TJ paused before opening the door and went back to the trunk, “Pop this please.”

The look of confusion he got was accompanied by the click and lift of the trunk. TJ tugged the emergency blanket from where it had been balled up and shoved next to the rest. He opened the rear passenger door, James was lying with his head to the passenger side, he looked up at TJ. “I’m gonna check your wound again and then cover you. Is that ok?” TJ asked quietly, flashing a look at Natasha for her audible click of judgment.

“Yeah.” James’ voice was much more whiskey than melted chocolate or velvet.

“and you’re going to have some of this water.” TJ ordered, handing him a bottle from the front seat. “Can you do it? Or do you need help?”

James lifted his head and took a couple of sips from the bottle. “Thanks TJ.”

“I won’t ask how you figured out who I was in the darkness of an overpass. But you’re welcome.”

“The flashlight. The light is the same as a camera flash, I’ve seen your picture.” James explained weakly before taking another swig from the bottle.

TJ set the bottle in the cup-holder in the door, “Ok, makes sense, well officially, I’m TJ Hammond. Nice to meet you.”

James lifted his hand taking TJ’s offered hand, the angle causing the handshake to be slightly awkward, “My name is Bucky.”

“Bucky.” TJ knew it all then, everything falling into place, with the exception of the endearment Natasha had blurted out. “It’s a pleasure.”

TJ closed the door cautiously, not wanting to cause any unnecessary jarring. He climbed into the front seat and buckled in. “So, where to?”

The look he got from _The Black Widow_ was precious.

“What? I’m still on the clock. Two more hours, according to my figures.”

“You’re stuck with more than two hours, you’re on dog-sitting duty, remember?”

“Did you just _smile_ at me?” TJ asked, watching her put the car in gear. “Is this your “under cover car”? For some reason I’d imagined you’d drive something sleek and lethal.”

“I do. It is. You can’t tell anyone about this.”

“I won’t. I mean, other than my mother. That was agreed upon back there remember? I’m holding my promises to _Bucky_ as gospel.”

“I know. I meant the car. It would ruin my reputation.”

“So would the flowered dress.” TJ teased. He turned in his seat to look at the sleeping dog and the probably-not-sleeping “Bucky”. “So, Bucky Barnes huh?”

Bucky opened one eye, looking at TJ before closing it again. “That’s what I’ve been told.”

“Oh. Ok.” TJ turned back around, but not before seeing the slight smirk on Bucky’s face.

“So,” Natasha said, peering over her shoulder briefly, “Rogers has been looking for you everywhere. Shouldn’t you have contacted him?”

“I didn’t have a way to reach him, he’s been through how many burners? I don’t have unlimited resources like you do, Nataliya.”

“Now you remember me. I did hear that T’Challa’s people were able to fix what Hydra did to your head, what about the arm? Did that slip their notice?”

“Hah.” Bucky said through a yawn, “Didn’t get a chance to install it. I had to run.”

“I heard about that. I just thought that maybe they could do both at the same time.” She said matter-of-factly.

“One required me to be awake, the other I’d rather not be awake for. My mistake.”

“You shouldn’t have run. T’Challa promised to keep you safe.” She said with a frown, “How are the wounds?”

“I think they’re already starting to mend, too many to get too far. Too hungry to care.”

“I hope jerky and trail mix is ok, we left all the real food in the trunk. TJ, in the glove compartment…” TJ nodded to her as he pulled out the small emergency packs he knew she handed out on the streets.

“You really buy into a role don’t you?” TJ asked, as he tore open the jerky package. “Hmm, chile lime. These aren’t bad.”

Bucky took the food that was handed to him, scooting up to lean against the door. “Thanks. How’d you get mixed up with this?”

“Community service for possession. The best part? I didn’t even remember it was there. I’ve been clean for three years, and the last time I had anyone in the back seat was two years ago. One traffic stop on my way home and I’m locked into court, plea bargaining, and community service, because, “Son, this is the last straw,” is the best my dear parents can do for me. That doesn’t mean anything in your case, in your case it’s definitely a coup for her. Not an “embarrassment”.”

“I’m sorry TJ.” Bucky said, taking the water bottle from the door, TJ nodded when Bucky raised the bottle, left uncapped, in his direction.

“No, I said too much, don’t apologize. It’ll actually go a long way in my personal approval rating for her to help you. Besides, if I hadn’t done community service, I wouldn’t be here right now, and this is one story I…” he paused, looking at the dark glare coming from the driver’s seat, “cannot tell anyone… but I can definitely appreciate.”

Bucky leaned his head against the window and thought about what had happened, he’d been trying see if he had enough cash to get some food for Яночка, and was juggling his things, distracted.

Never get distracted. He’d felt the knife, and before the man could withdraw it, the man felt Yana’s teeth in is thigh. One word stopped the dog and they both ran, but not before Bucky had taken two bullets, and scrambled around the big brick building. The two of them ran until neither could run, and they walked after that. He’d felt the drain as the blood kept coming. He also felt the wounds knitting themselves together from the inside, a fucking miserable feeling, if you’d asked him.

Bucky and Яночка had waited in the shade of the overpass before the community assembled there for the night. He had fallen asleep thinking that as soon as he could stand up again, he was going to have to jump a train or something; he would need a plan to get Yana somewhere he could take better care of her.

Bucky felt the car sway and the cold window each time his cheek bumped against it, he also felt his heavy-headed mutt; mastiff, retriever, gazelle, he didn’t know any or all of her breeds. He just knew she had a large square head and a heart twice as big. She groaned and put her head down on her paws on the floor. He could call her up and she’d lie across him, he’d done that before, feeling secure under her weight, and her protective nature. He wasn’t sure how his injuries would react to that, so he rubbed the top of her head with the tips of his fingers and drifted to sleep.

“You’ve been looking for him.” TJ said quietly, not that it was private, but he was relatively sure the back seat held two sleeping beings.

“I have.”

“A lot of people have. Are you a friend?” TJ asked, watching her features as closely as he could in the darkened car.

“I was once. _He_ is.” She shook her phone before setting it down, as if she’d only just realized she still held it.

“He. Captain America. Rogue Steve Rogers.”

“Steve.” She said quietly. “Rogue because of him, because of everything that went wrong.”

“My mom’s working to fix that.” TJ offered. “She’s been struggling with other World Leaders.”

She smiled, “I’m sorry you were one of the people I had to lie to TJ. I mean, your community service was just that, and your time will be recorded properly. I’ve left details with Margo. I didn’t lie any of those times I said I liked you, if you were wondering. You might have been a pain in the ass, but you were fun about it, and you really, really grasped it from the start.”

“How did you know he was homeless out here somewhere?”

“Traffic cameras, facial recognition software, anonymous tips.”

“How did you manage to be _the one_ to find those tips?”

“I have my sources. Unfortunately, I’m afraid whoever did that to him had theirs too.”

“He said thugs. He didn’t mean regular criminals?”

“Even one-handed he’d take a criminal, or the dog would. His dog would.”

“Meaning he’d train her to be his left arm if necessary.”

“Yeah, I would. I mean, it’s obvious he loves her. What did he say her name was?”

“In Russian, Яночка. That’s Yana… Yano-…” TJ struggled to recall the name.

“Yanochka. Or Yana, yes.”

“Yana, why?”

“Well, TJ.” She smiled, “I’m not in his head. You’d have to ask him.”

“It does _not_ have the same meaning as the Russian name.” Bucky said from behind closed eyes, sleep thickening his voice. “It’s an acronym. You Are Not Alone, Y A N A. I started calling her the Russian endearment.”

Both of the occupants of the front seat stifled tears at the implication of the name, both shocked at the open, honest revelation. It was quiet in the car for miles before TJ asked, “Anyone mind a little music?”

Natasha shook her head, and Bucky muttered, “sounds good.”

TJ tuned the radio to a classic rock station but kept the volume low.  He wondered if what he’d gotten into wasn’t worse than the original crime. He stuck his arm between the seats and scratched Yana’s back, and thought about the depression Bucky must have been fighting to name his dog, consciously thinking “You Are Not Alone”.

Natasha was quiet, focused on the headlights and the continuous stutter of yellow lines, or something else, TJ imagined. He hoped at least some of her focus was on the road, but again, she was _The Black Widow_ , so he was sure she could focus on a thousand things at once. He kept tickling his fingers over the dog’s back and was stunned when Bucky’s hand fell onto his.

He’d already been attracted to the man, who was clearly straight. TJ moved his hand slowly, not wanting to disturb Bucky’s slumber by an abrupt movement. He curled up in the front seat, pulling his feet up underneath himself. He heard a huff of laughter coming from the driver’s seat. “What?” TJ whispered.

“I thought you’d be too long to curl yourself up like that. I was wrong, and I’m never wrong.”

They both heard a snort from the back seat. “So she says.” Followed the snort, and a groan followed that as Bucky twisted on the seat and pulled the blanket away, trying to look at his wounds.

TJ turned the dome light on, “You ok?”

“I think so, hurts like a bitch.”

“I didn’t get to look at your injuries.” Natasha said over her shoulder, “Was there an exit wound?”

“Two, what nobody looked at were the entrance wounds.” Bucky said. “Don’t worry TJ – I wouldn’t expect you to think about it when you were trying your damnedest to remember your first aid.”

“How did you…?”

“I could tell. I’m fine I’ll be fine.”

“He’s probably right, TJ. You're sure they went through?”

“Yeah, pretty much. This ain’t my first rodeo.”

“You’re supposed to be sleeping.” Natasha scolded over her shoulder.

“I keep drifting off and then I’m awake again.”

“’So she says’, that’s what you said, you two know each other pretty well, huh?”

“You put your foot in it James.”

“It’s ancient history.” Bucky said. “Two different people.”

“Not as different as you’d think.” Natasha said into the rear-view mirror. “Well, maybe one of us is.”

“Yeah? You or me?”

“You James.”

TJ shifted in the seat, putting one leg on the floor and resting his cheek against the glass, thinking about the pair and trying to tune them out at the same time. This was a conversation for another place but maybe the time was right, and he’d just have to pretend to be somewhere else. He smiled at his reflection in the window when Yana groaned. He’d have preferred to be in the back with the dog and let those two talk amongst themselves without being in the middle of it.

“Steve’s bringing food,” Natasha said, and TJ rolled his eyes, watching the acres of land as they passed by. ‘So much for working on things’, he thought, and he was supposed to be the screw up.

“Then what? What was your plan?”

“You’re worried about plans? Where was your plan when T’Challa had promised you protection?”

“Never mind.” Bucky groaned, rolling toward the seat-back and groaned again at the sharp pain from his wounds.

“Ok. That’s mature.” TJ said aloud, instead of in his head as he’d thought.

They both looked at TJ, and he knew it, but he kept looking out the window like a petulant teen. Maybe he felt a little bit like one, he had a fucking crush, he was overwhelmed by the adrenaline crash, and he still had blood on his hands. Literal blood. The thought made him gag, but TJ maintained his sullen composure and closed his eyes to the swimming visual of the roadside reflectors flicking past the window.

“He’s right.” Natasha said quietly. “We were both different people, in a completely different world. I’m sorry I didn’t come back for you.”

“Did you remember to?” Bucky asked, he knew the answer, her memories weren’t hers to keep either back then.

“No.” The men in the car both cringed at the tear-filled sound. TJ glanced over and Natasha’s face was the same, no tears glistened there. Only one word betrayed her. Bucky couldn’t look, he knew two things, he’d see the shell of her ear and the length of her neck, and he knew there would be no tears. He’d seen what tears got the girls in the Red Room. He’d heard that voice, and he’d wiped her tears before.

“It’s ok. I understand. I wasn’t allowed to remember either. Things have been coming back to me more and more after events in Wakanda. I remember many things now. Some I wish I didn’t, but you’re not one of those.”

“You’re talkative.” She smiled, half-smiled, as she turned to glance at Bucky.

“Yeah, force of habit these days, talking to Yana, I can’t seem to shut up.” Bucky’s hand gripped a handful of dog, her extra skin and fur reassuring to him. Yana lifted her head and put it against Bucky’s side, her warm jowls damp on his shirt. “Good girl.” He cooed at the dog.

TJ thought it was the most beautiful sound, pure love. He was really crushing hard on Bucky-Fugitive-Barnes and he wanted to be anywhere else but here, maybe he could cling to the roof? Maybe a ride in the trunk. Flights of fancy mixed with thoughts of a lonely man with nobody to talk to, except for his dog.  


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of the drive was accompanied by lengths of silence and bursts of commentary. Suddenly TJ’s head whipped up from dozing off for the second time, as they pulled down a gravel lane. The headlights illuminated a small car and a bigger man, sitting on the rounded hood.

Steve Rogers shielded his eyes from the headlights with a raised arm, his dark shirt a sharp contrast to his highlighted, pale skin. TJ was again impressed by the size of the man he’d met at numerous banquets and other events before the whole Accords mess had crashed around the world’s shoulders.

Natasha stopped inches in front of him, and to TJ’s impressed astonishment, Rogers didn't move a muscle. Not one of all his impressive array of muscles. Both of the front doors were thrown open, TJ climbed out to help Bucky and Natasha went to talk to Steve, who was now standing in front of the car.

Bucky leaned against TJ and had Yana leaning on his left leg, her head on his hip in a supporting manner. “What is it with you and those cars?!” Bucky asked, pain and amusement laced his voice as Steve walked away from the darkly colored bug.

“It was available.” Steve answered, as he stepped up to Bucky’s left and Yana stepped away at Bucky’s command. Steve put an arm around Bucky, taking the majority of Bucky’s weight. TJ remained at Bucky's side when the man’s arm didn't loosen over his shoulder. Yana followed attentively, slightly behind.

“Natalia said you have food.” Bucky said to Steve’s shoulder.

“She said you have bullet wounds.” Steve countered.

“I'll live, happily if you feed me.” Bucky teased, trying to cover the pain, emotional and physical. “Yana?”

“She’s following. She’s got your back.” TJ said reassuringly, watching the dog keep pace with them. The two of them helped Bucky sit in front of the VW the headlights of both cars offering a better look at the injuries, both front and back.

“Mr. Hammond, good to see you again.” Steve said amicably.

“Please call me TJ.”

“There’s a bag of burgers in the front seat, if you could grab them. Help yourself.”

TJ retrieved the food sack, handing Bucky a burger and setting some fries within reach before he sat at Bucky’s knee, petting Yana who had planted herself firmly between Bucky’s legs. Natasha checked his back for entrance wounds while Steve double-checked TJ’s makeshift first aid.

Bucky knew to take it slow, not having much food for a while, he wanted to scarf down the food, but he’d rather keep it in his stomach so he forced himself to maintain control. “Thanks for the food.” He said quietly. Steve’s face registered a series of emotions that Bucky struggled to categorize.

“No problem. What the hell were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t.” Bucky admitted. “It happened so suddenly after the docs did what they did, I wasn’t thinking. All I knew was they were after me and I needed to get away. Don’t give me that look, I said I was compromised, I steered clear of them.”

“You’ve been across continents, you could have, aw, Buck. We had a deal. No more running.”

“Says the six-foot-something rogue superhero, who has been _running_.”

“Eat your burger. This discussion isn’t going anywhere.” Steve said with a clear pout as he poured something astringent over the wounds.

“Shit!” Bucky hissed, “you did that on purpose.”

“Yeah, I cleaned your wound and tried to disinfect it _on purpose_.”

Bucky hissed again, when Natasha did the same on his back while he and Steve were bickering. TJ watched them with awe, and a bit of amusement as he ate one of the burgers.

“You three are so siblings.” TJ said around a fry.

“He’s got a point.” Steve conceded with a smirk.

Bucky felt an odd rush of warmth that he’d only felt recently when Nataliya called him “звездочка моя”, and before that pretty much any time Yana put her big hot head on his chest or in his face to snuffle in his ears.

“Always been brothers.” Bucky spoke over a mouthful of hamburger. “What’s the verdict? I’m not dyin’ right?”

“No, although you did say that hunger would do you in. You keep eating like that you’ll choke and that’ll kill you.” Natasha said, patting Bucky’s shoulder.

“Thanks kid.” Bucky smirked.

“You’re gonna need something warmer than that to wear, it’s ventilated.”

“I came prepared.” Steve said, looking at Bucky, seeking reassurance, probably.

“Well what are you waiting for?” Bucky asked wryly, nodding faintly, hoping to telegraph that he was pretty “ok” at this moment. Much more “ok” than he’d been when he wasn’t sure if he was healing or bleeding out, not an hour before TJ had approached him.

TJ stood up, finished with his food, “I’ll get it, you two haven’t eaten yet, where is it?”

TJ took the key from Steve and opened the trunk, pulling out sacks of clothes. He found a thick hoodie and some short and long-sleeved shirts. Steve was biting into his burger while holding the shirts Natasha was helping get off from one-armed Bucky. She’d been layering the older clothes one by one on Steve’s outstretched arm. TJ paused for a moment; finally realizing that Bucky did only have the one arm.

It took a few minutes to remember the conversation and even then, TJ realized that all along he’d imagined Bucky was just favoring the arm from the injury. TJ figured he must have been embroiled in his inner scandal of crushing on the Black Widow’s “Star”. What distracted him now, though, was the broad chest and thick right arm, the firm abs, oh hell, Shawn Reeves, eat your heart out. The wounds and scars didn’t detract from Bucky’s beauty in any way.

TJ handed a soft t-shirt to Bucky. Aware that he’d been staring, he said, “it’s a relief to see your wounds in the light, they’re not half as bad as they looked caked in blood in the shadows of an overpass.” TJ thought that maybe he was still at least half-smooth. He knew how to pick up a guy; therefore, he hopefully knew how to overcome a potentially embarrassing ogling.

“Yeah, they’ll look bad for a while.” Bucky said, accepting Natasha’s assistance in getting the shirt on.

Bucky took another of the offered layers, an equally soft, but thicker, long-sleeved shirt, and finally, the heavy fleece hoodie. He shuddered inside the zipped cocoon, finally covered in dry clothes, he had an opportunity to warm up.

“TJ, did you ever call your mother?” Bucky asked.

“I did, on one of the long quiet stretches. She knows where I am. She wants to help you guys out. I didn’t want to say anything ‘til the gang was assembled. She’ll get you to a secure location. She has some information for – uh – for you all I guess. I don’t know, I was just trying to complete my community service. I didn’t realize I’d be doing what I used to do in high school, without the sex and getting high stuff.”

“What’s left?” Natasha asked with a sly smile.

“Junk food in the middle of nowhere.” TJ shrugged.

“Junk? I’ll have you know that roadside diner was state of the art.”

“For nineteen-forty-five?” Natasha teased.

Bucky shook his head with tired eyes, he eased onto the fender of the VW, tickling Yana’s head when she set it on his thigh, “any burgers left?”

TJ sat down by the chrome bumper of the VW on the other side of Yana, and handed the bag up to Bucky, “couple in there and a crap-ton of fries. Natalie – um – Natasha hasn’t settled down yet, so give her one.”

Natasha stood next to TJ and ruffled fingers through his hair as playfully as she had patted Bucky’s shoulder, “You can just call me Nat. I owe you one TJ.”

“You owe me two hours and about a week in Barbados.” TJ yawned, laying his head against the curve of the VW.

“I told you your hours are complete, you’ll have to take the rest up with Cap.” She replied.

“Very funny, and really, it’s Just Steve, guys.” Steve shook his head with a fond smile.

Bucky reached beyond Yana and put his hand on TJ’s shoulder, “when are we supposed to touch base with your mom?”

TJ kept his eyes closed; they burned from tiredness caused by the long day turning into a longer night, unable to look at Bucky yet with his hand on him, so strong in direct opposition to the weak way he’d had to be hauled from the car. TJ also hoped he would be able to rein in his inner teen self. He shouldn’t be thinking about other parts of his person where he could imagine the strength of Bucky’s grip.

“She’s going to call me when she’s made the arrangements and she’ll let us know where and when at that time. We’re kind of in limbo. You have to keep in mind the possibility that she’ll send Dougie in her place and teleconference, she’s clever though, and so she could even surprise me on this one.” TJ looked at Steve and Nat, “If one of you knows a safe place to go, if you think a motel or something would be safe? I could pay for the room, I think Bucky should lie down and get warmed up.”

“I did see a motel in the same town as the diner. If you would check in and we could swing around to the door, I think you and Nat look innocent enough. How’s your flirting game TJ?” Steve asked.

“I’d like to think I’m not too bad at flirting. You want us to be insatiable and maybe I draw a little more attention to our activities than our faces, right? I’ll just check in under my alias and I’m pretty sure I can convince a small-town motel clerk to take cash.”

“Nice idea Rogers.” Nat said, running her fingers back through TJ’s hair, making it look even more disheveled, “you sure you can do this without being recognized?”

“Listen, I used to have to go ‘unrecognized’ all the time. I may not be a master-spy, but I do know a thing or two about keeping things hush-hush. Not all of my exploits were covered up by my family.”

“Ok, so do you think you can do it without looking quite so tired?” She teased.

“I don’t know. That remains to be seen, I mean, I am tired. Can I fake _not_ being tired? We’ll find out.” TJ stood up with an involuntary groan. “Ok, shut up.”

Bucky chuckled at TJ’s sass, then cringed and stifled a groan of his own, “I have to say, I like your idea of getting warm. I kinda hope this works out.”

“I’ll manage.” TJ promised.

“I should go with Steve – thank god I get the front seat this time. You and Natasha need to arrive together, alone.”

“Will Yana fit in that back seat? It’s like a compartment, more than a seat.” TJ asked.

“I think she’ll manage.” Steve laughed and laughed harder when Bucky rolled his eyes.

Yana hopped into the back seat of the bug, then Bucky put the seat-back upright before climbing into the VW and adjusting his seat for as much leg-room as he could get. TJ followed Nat to her car, before getting in, he watched as Steve picked up the last of the food packaging and shoved them into the empty plastic shopping bag.

“What are you waiting for?” Nat asked.

“Nothing, just processing everything. You know this is worse than my crime that got me into this right?” TJ asked in response, as he settled into the passenger seat.

“Welcome to my world.”

“So, I wasn’t part of any of this, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time?” TJ asked, still trying to process. “I mean, you couldn’t have. You absolutely could have. Natasha, did you set me up? To get to my mother?”

“What happened was…”

“No. Fuck no. This is on my record.”

“Not the arrest.” Nat said, looking over her shoulder to back out of the way.

“I should just get out here, and call my mom back; she can meet you three wherever and send a ride for me.” TJ said, anger and hurt clear in his voice.

“TJ, No, I didn’t plant evidence in order to rely on the remote possibility that you’d get community service.”

“Fuck that. I think if the world’s biggest heroes could set me up on a cocaine bust, they could have been even more crafty and clever and just pulled me aside and asked for my damned help. How much of this was a setup and how much was fucking real? I mean it’s pretty shitty for a super human to allow himself to be shot and stabbed for a – for a goddamned _role_.”

“You’re not listening. I didn’t – we didn’t set you up. Listen, please. We only had tips on Barnes’ whereabouts. I heard about the arrest, the timing was perfect, which gave me an idea. I needed to get inside on the off chance we could get to your mom for the endgame. That I was able to insert myself as your supervisor helped me get an extra few hands to canvas the homeless camps, including yours. We did good things for those people TJ. I didn’t know exactly where he was, and no, he wasn’t part of this. Steve and I have been looking for him here; Sam has been looking in New York, along with Clint’s help and Wanda’s.”

TJ considered that while he turned the radio’s volume down a notch, then two. He watched the other car’s taillights as they followed the VW back to the main road.

“So, you have a thing for Barnes instead of Rogers huh? Wouldn’t have wagered on that outcome.”

“What? No. Don’t be…”

“Ridiculous.” They said in unison, TJ looking at Nat with a frown.

“I don’t know, somehow he’s really… captivating.”

“Shave and a haircut, he’d look like you. Fewer curls though.”

“No. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Your go-to argument is that I’m ridiculous? That’s telling.” She smiled.

“You and he have… had a thing; we shouldn’t be talking about this.”

“That was a lifetime ago.” Nat said, glancing quickly at TJ, moistening her lips.

“The fact that you freaked out when you saw the shape he was in is part of the reason I believe he’s not in on your manipulation of my life, the fact that you turned into a soft young girl for five seconds at that time is the reason I know that a lifetime or ten minutes doesn’t matter. You love him.”

“Love is for children.” She said, turning the music back up.

“Well then, I don’t ever want to grow up, because I want love, I need it. I’ll stay a child thank you.” TJ spoke over the dismissal, and the volume.

Her laughter shook him, he looked from the stream of headlights and taillights to her face, and she looked youthful and magical.

“What?” he asked, when her laugh simmered to a titter.

“Remember when you brought backpacks and I gave you crap about it?” She asked, some of the laughter still in her voice.

“Yeah, you were kind of bitchy.”

“Remember what I said when I stopped being bitchy?”

“You called me _refreshing_.”

“I meant it. I mean it. You’re a breath of fresh air, you are sarcastic, and funny, your wit is both self-deprecating and perfectly timed. Not to mention, you don’t have any problem sticking your humor and sarcasm in someone else’s problem. I like that. I really do.”

“I wasn’t being funny.”

“You weren’t _joking_. You were perfectly serious, but comedic at the same time. It’s a gift, TJ. Don’t lose it.”

“It’s a curse, Nat. It’s not going anywhere.” TJ shifted in the seat to face her, bringing one leg up on the seat.

“I know I mentioned it before, you sit weird. I do the same thing.” She said, glancing quickly at TJ before returning her attention to the road.

“Nervous. I wouldn’t peg you as the nervous type though.”

“Just like to be comfortable. I’m sorry tonight hasn’t been _comfortable_ for you TJ. I’m sorry I interfered with your life. He… well, both of them are important to me. Alone he’s in danger. Idiot should never have left Wakanda.”

“He said he wasn’t himself. You can’t judge someone for acting out of paranoia when that’s all that’s driving them.”

“I know, but I can be frustrated. He’d still be safe there. Here, he’s a fugitive and he’s been homeless. Did you see how thin he was?”

“I’m guessing thinner than he was the last time. He looked… impressive.” TJ tried to control the level of impressed he had actually been.

“Thinner than last I saw him. Probably giving that dog most of his food.”

“Yana.” TJ said. “She looks out for him, he’s gonna do the same for her. She’s not just a pet, she’s support, and I’ll bet she helps him with the one-arm thing. That shocked me.”

“That he’s an amputee? We talked about it here in the car.”

“I didn’t realize, or notice. I was derailed by blood. Blood that’s still on my hands.” TJ watched his fingers shake in the dark, panicking again, “I ate food with fucking blood on my…”

“TJ stop. Don’t fixate. Don’t do this to yourself. You did a good thing, he’s fine, and we just need to stop somewhere to get you cleaned up before we get to the motel.”

TJ listened to her voice and to the music, remembering to breathe, “Ok, sorry. I don’t typically deal with that sort of thing. I think I’m doing ok, I’ve only freaked out twice.”

“I only know about the one time. You’ve done really well tonight TJ. You have. I promise I’ll make it up to you. I should have talked to you. Would you have helped?”

“I would have appreciated a choice. I mean, since you replaced whatever other community service officer, I would have appreciated a little “By the way, TJ. I’m looking for someone, if you could keep an eye out. Oh, and this shouldn’t come as a surprise, but I need to get to your mom through you, so I hope you don’t mind if I’m up front about it instead of you finding out that I’m not really your friend because of who you are, only who you know.” Don’t dangle pretty boys in front of the gay son of the president and expect me not to want to do something to help. You played me like a, a Balalaika.”

“I know you’re pissed, and I’m not disputing your right to be, but don’t you think you're being a little dramatic?”

“You liked my sarcasm a minute ago. People only like sarcasm when it entertains them, not when it hits them in the conscience. Yes, I’d have helped. They’re national heroes; you’re all heroes. What idiot wouldn’t help?”

‘Well, you’ve heard about how we’re fugitives?”

“Yeah, you’re pretty amazing at that too, you’ve been working right under the nose of the law for a month, and those idiots don’t even know who they’re working with?”

“Did you recognize me?”

“No.”

“You’re smarter than most of those people, and I fooled you. It’s a skill I’m glad I can use for the right cause. Take my phone and text Steve, tell him we need to stop and clean you up first.”

TJ did as instructed, still upset about the blood, and about being a pawn. He’d had mixed feelings, it would have made sense in a twisted sort of way, if the whole ‘possession’ thing could be explained away as this ruse, but he’d have to admit he’d be even angrier if the coke had been planted. Even if, at the same time, it would have been a relief to have actual proof to give to his mother that it wasn’t his.


	4. Chapter 4

TJ looked up when Nat pulled to a stop at a gas station. The fluorescent lights were a blinding contrast to the dark road and warm headlamps.

Steve showed up at his door with a rest-room key. TJ opened his door, taking the key from Steve, “Thanks.” TJ muttered, Jesus, if he had that incriminating baggie right now… TJ sighed, unfolding his tired body from the car, replacing the thought with the tools his therapist had given him. “I’ll be right back.”

The blood washed off; unlike in all of the movies he’d ever seen where the stain just wouldn’t go away. Fantastical as it was, that image had plugged into his anxiety, so watching his skin turn back to its familiar color, his long fingers once again fit to show off, instead of over the keys of a piano, tangled in the curls of one Natasha Romanoff, gave him a small measure of relief. “Don’t think about it, don’t overthink it. You can absolutely do this.” TJ said to his reflection in the mirror, as he dried his hands with a paper towel. His reflection, distorted by little imperfections in the mirror looked back at him, bewildered and tired. TJ rolled his eyes and tossed the wadded up towel into the small round trash bin in the corner, before pushing his way out the door, and returning the obnoxiously large key-holder to the cashier.

“Ok, let’s do this.” TJ said with false bravado as he came up to Nat’s car, interrupting whatever discussion Steve and Nat were having. He looked over at Bucky in the VW, sending a half-smile and a nod his way, then got back into the passenger seat.

In the VW, Bucky watched as Steve crossed the pavement and folded himself back into the car. “Is he going to be ok?” Bucky asked, flinching a little as Steve’s door slammed shut.

“Yeah, he’ll be fine. He’s tired, and a little pissed at us, but he’ll do ok.”

“Why is he pissed at you? I know it’s you two, I haven’t done anything – this time.”

“TJ’s community service was Nat’s idea.” Steve put the car in gear and pulled away from the station, “I don’t mean his sentence, but her inserting herself _into_ his community service. She thought that if she could propose a homeless relief program, she’d have a small army to help look for you, get on his good side, and maybe enlist the help of the president. It all happened, but given a few minutes of quiet after processing everything, he figured it out.”

“He’s smart, pretty good in a pinch too, even if he wasn’t completely on board with it. He took good care of Yana, which went a long way with me. His reassuring me that she’d be safe when I was shocky is why I’m here right now.”

“He’s a good kid; I met him at a few official banquets, stuff like that. He’s had some rough patches, but he’s doing better.”

“The rough patch club. You know how to pick ’em. Or Nat does.”

“About that. I didn’t know you two had a history?”

“No, you wouldn’t. It wasn’t great.” Bucky paused. “It wasn’t all bad. She was the best thing out of all of it. I am sorry I panicked and took off. You shouldn’t have gotten everyone involved again Steve.”

“I didn’t. _They_ came to _me_. Clint had actually heard about it first, he found Sam and they both came to me offering whatever they could. Wanda wanted in, so they’re in New York, I still have to let them know they can come in. They realized what had happened and were genuinely concerned about you. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

“I guess that’s something I’m out of practice with.” Bucky rested his warm cheek on the cool glass, the motel sign came into view, and Steve started to slow the car to make the turn. The neon colored the windows and Bucky’s skin, with alternating warm and cool colors. “Even TJ jumped into the ring.”

“Yeah he did. He’s genuinely concerned about you too.” Steve parroted his earlier statement.

“I guess.” Bucky wanted to reach behind him and touch Yana, his missing left arm didn’t allow for that, but he gave a soft click and she stuck her face in the small space between the seats, then rested her head on his shoulder. He put his cheek on her damp nose, “good girl.” He crooned as the car rolled to a stop in the gravel lot well behind the motel.

“She’s an amazing dog, how’d you find her?”

“She found me. She approached me one night. She was cautious, but hungry. She was so thin. I guess my food and her hunger overcame her fear. She spent the entire night about four feet away from me, after eating half of my food, and drinking all of my water. She followed me at the same distance all day the next day, but when it was time to settle down for the night, with dog food from somebody who felt bad for “my dog”, and a burger from some of the cash from the same somebody, she sat close to me. When I sat back against the wall, getting ready to go to sleep, she nudged up against me, and that’s where she sleeps. I taught her a few things; she’s always teaching me things. I wish I could get her checked out though. She’s been favoring her paw more and more recently, and I’m sure she hasn’t had any shots.”

“We’ll do that. After what she’s done for you, she deserves the best care. Let’s get through whatever’s next.” Steve said, looking at the dog, her head soft, her jowls draped over Bucky’s shoulder. “May I pet her?”

“Yeah, of course. Why do you ask?”

“Well, the whole service dog rules thing.”

“Good to know. Do we have rules Яночка? She keeps me safe, I keep her safe; those are our rules. Thanks for asking Steve, _you_ never have to ask again.”

Steve scratched the dog’s ear and smiled when she looked up at him without moving her head. She closed her eyes again, waiting for some instruction, seemingly content just to be with Bucky. Bucky saw Nat wave from the open stairwell, “That’s our cue.” he announced, opening his door. Yana lifted her head and waited as he got out and folded the seat forward. She sat until she was called. “Come on Яночка.” Bucky said softly.

“Wonder how it went.” Steve said, pulling some bags from the trunk at the front of the car.

“We’ll find out. At least they got the room.”

“I’ve seen TJ flirt. He probably did really well.” Steve chuckled.

“Doesn’t he prefer men?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah, but he doesn’t – he doesn’t discriminate when it comes to flirting.” Steve said with an awkward voice.

“You embarrassed? You’re ok with it right?” Bucky asked, taking one of the bags from Steve. He wasn’t at all sure what time and distance had done to influence his old friend’s beliefs, “I mean some of the biggest underdogs, most bullied people are queer.”

“No, of course I’m ok, why wouldn’t I be ok?” Steve looked baffled, “not that my opinion matters or not. I was just thinking about when he flirted with me and with Sharon at some mixer where we all ran into each other.”

“Oh, ok.” Bucky laughed. “Sharon huh? She’s the one who got our gear?”

“The one you two wouldn’t stop ribbing me about kissing? Yeah.” Steve stopped at the base of the stairs to let Yana and Bucky walk ahead.

“Hah, it took you seventy years.”

“No. It. Didn’t.” Steve chuckled.

“So, did the three of you get up to anything?” Bucky asked, peeking over his shoulder.

He shouldn’t have. The bright red of Steve’s face was nearly enough to topple him on the stairs. Yana nudged against his hip to keep exactly that from happening. Bucky gained the final steps before laughing outright.

“No. We didn’t. You’re as bad as TJ.” Steve laughed with Bucky.

“Scandalous.” Bucky agreed. “Can’t say I’d say no.”

“To TJ?”

“To an indecent proposal.”

“Bucky.” Steve admonished. “Be serious.”

“What? You think I’m not?” Bucky followed Steve after he mounted the last step and headed to the room with the door ajar.

“How’d it go?” Steve asked as the trio crashed through the door.

“We’re here aren’t we?” Natasha said drily.

“It went something like this.” TJ said, grabbing Nat by the waist. Bucky and Steve stood at attention, ready to pull her off TJ, but Nat leaned into TJ who had one hand on her back, another on her neck, his long, slender fingers spanning her jaw. She tugged TJ closer, pulling him into a kiss, which brought his hand up her back, over her dress and into her hair.

The two looked at Steve and Bucky, then laughed as Yana helped herself to the middle of one of the two beds.

“How’d you manage two beds?” Steve asked, chuckling at them and at the dog.

“It’s just what they gave us.” TJ said, sitting on the edge of the bed Yana was on, rubbing her belly. “You’re such a little diva.” He tickled Yana, listening to her contented groan.

“She likes you TJ.” Bucky offered, sitting on the other side of the bed. “She’s smart.”

“Yeah, I see that – choosing the bed furthest from the window. She’s smart putting you here, with a super-spy, and a super soldier on the outside.” TJ said, still scratching the dog’s tummy.

“Maybe she’s putting you, a very vulnerable person, in the ultimate protected spot.” Bucky countered.

“Maybe. Maybe she just likes the idea of a warm bed.” Nat said from the edge of the bed nearest the window, where she sat facing the two. “TJ, you’re an asset to the team, don’t let him fool you.”

“Just because he kissed your lipstick sideways doesn’t mean anything.” Bucky scoffed.

“Don’t forget the part where _he_ called his mother, the leader of the country you’re sitting in to try to help all of _you_ out.” TJ’s voice was serious, even though his features fought to betray him.

“Touché.” Bucky sighed. He scooted back against the headboard, taking both pillows and easing against them.

“You ok?” TJ asked, his concern obvious as he watched Yana snuggle up to the edge of Bucky’s thigh.

“Yeah. Even super soldier healing doesn’t work like magic, it’s progressing, but still hurts like hell.”

“Is there anything that would work for it? I guess you’re beyond ibuprofen.”

“No. The dose would have to be pretty high, and still might not work before they were metabolized.”

“Are you too cold for some ice?” Nat asked, getting ready for an ice-machine run.

“No, I think I can maintain warmth at this point, ice is a good idea.”

TJ helped Nat run for ice, while Steve pulled out a few towels. “Let’s see the wounds.” He commanded, standing between the bed and the wall.

“Yessir.” Bucky yawned, letting Steve do all the work, once he sat up away from the pillows. “I’m pretty sure I’ll live. I can feel it healing. Ever get used to that?”

“No.” Steve confirmed. “Weird shit.”

“Well? The verdict?”

Not bleeding. Not infected, so far. Keep that up and you’ll be fine.”

“Thanks Steve.”

“For confirming you’re not dying?”

“For not railing on my error. For looking for me. Again.”

“Well, the first one – I’m still working on that. The second? You know, for once, I’d like to not have to do that, but you’re welcome.”

“As for your first answer, now you know how I felt when you showed up in Azzano – _after_ being eternally grateful to get out of that hellhole. The second? I seem to recall looking for you a time or ten. Won’t happen again.” Bucky promised as TJ and Nat came in with ice. They each dumped some into the plastic shopping bags Nat emptied. Bucky figured those must have come from Steve’s supply acquisition mission earlier.

They tied the bags closed and wrapped them in towels, TJ flattened one, making sure there weren’t any sharp edges from the ice disks. He set it on the pillow behind Bucky with an extra towel over it, and Bucky eased back against the nest once his shirt was tugged back down.

Nat put the other makeshift ice pack in Bucky’s hand, “Make sure whatever you told him wasn’t going to happen again, doesn’t happen again.” She said, putting a hand gently on the side of Bucky’s head.

“With all of this coddling, you’d think I was dying. I’m not used to this much fuss. Go away.” Bucky pushed against Nat’s hip gently. “Go plot and scheme on the other side of the room. Go get us out of this situation and let me sleep. Яночка’s got my six. TJ, you can sleep over here, if you don’t mind dog snores and the occasional assassin nightmare.”

TJ didn’t mind the former, wasn’t sure what the latter consisted of, and didn’t get a third option. Nobody seemed to notice the part where TJ definitely had a crush on the man with the gruff exterior. ‘You’re a grownup TJ.’ He thought to reassure himself.

“I don’t mind. I’m pretty sure Yana will be there for that too.” TJ said, going into the bathroom to brush his teeth with a toothbrush that had obviously been part of Steve’s recon.

He returned to a darkened room, a small, dim light coming from the bed near the window. Bucky was already asleep, or at least appeared to be. Steve and Nat were huddled over a notepad. Nat looked up and nodded for him to come over. “I know there’s a lot going on; did you let your mom know you stopped for the night? She should know you’re safe.”

“I think she trusts you to keep me safe.” TJ said quietly. “Hell, that dog would keep us all safe.”

Steve looked up and smiled, “still, you should let her know.”

TJ sent a quick text, “wound up in a motel for the night, any luck making arrangements yet?”

It was a full two minutes before he got a return message, “almost have it figured out. You take care. Tell them anything happens to you, all bets are off.”

TJ showed his phone to the two with a smirk. He sent back, “with that, I’m going to bed.” telling Steve and Nat the same thing.

He found he had no pillow, Bucky had claimed them all to sleep in a seated position. TJ grabbed a pillow off the other bed. “You guys can fight over pillow number three.” He said quietly before pulling the blanket from the foot of the bed up over himself, Bucky, and Yana. Yana pushed her feet into TJ’s side and thigh, and groaned, bringing a smile to TJ’s face.

There were many thoughts fighting for TJ’s attention, multiple emotions threatening to bubble to the surface. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to push them out. Yana put her front paw on TJ’s arm, soothing him just a little. TJ focused on her breathing, timing his to the rhythm of hers. The last thought TJ had before sleep claimed him was ‘maybe I need a dog’.


	5. Chapter 5

The buzzing of TJ’s phone woke him. It also woke Yana and Bucky. “Shit, I’m so sorry.” TJ whispered. He got out of the bed and crossed the room. No place in the small room didn’t have horrible acoustics, he found, when his muted voice still seemed to echo annoyingly throughout the room as he answered, “hey Momma.”

“TJ, meet me today at your grandfather’s farm. Tell me what car you’ll be arriving in and who will be with you so that you won’t have any problem getting past.”

“Ok, we’re in two cars, one is an older model VW bug, it’s dark colored but I couldn’t tell if it was blue or black or purple. The other car is a black Prius sedan, maybe two or three years old. There’s Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Natasha Romanoff, and me. Plus Yana. She’s a dog.”

“Ok. I want to know how you got involved in this, be prepared to tell me.” She said, and added, “It sounds like an interesting story.”

His creased brow relaxed as his frown turned to a wry smile. “You got that right. I’m going to see if I can get a little more sleep. See you later.”

“Ok. Be careful.”

“Always.” TJ lied. He had no way of knowing if he wouldn’t be the next one injured. Not even these people could protect him from something they couldn’t predict.

TJ rolled back onto the bed, hoping that he hadn’t been too much of a distraction. He heard a soft whisper and looked at Bucky, who was peering at him. “Everything ok?”

“Yeah, I know where we’re going. It’s a good place.” TJ whispered as quietly as he could.

Yana pushed her back against Bucky’s thigh, and pressed her paw into TJ’s bicep.

“Яночка,” Bucky whispered, unable to contain a small laugh.

“She’s fine.” TJ said, just as amused. “I like it, she’s a good girl.”

“Thanks for taking care of her – and me.”

“Yeah, any time really. I mean… I… you’re just… a hero, you know?”

“Kid, I’m no hero.” Bucky said, almost forgetting to keep his voice low.

“I know that’s how you feel. From my point of view, when I grew up, you were a hero. These days? You made your own choices again – hero.” TJ turned onto his side and put his fingers on Yana’s chest, “I mean it, you ever need anything, don’t hesitate.”

It was silent for the longest time, either TJ had offended Bucky, or he’d fallen back to sleep. TJ couldn’t tell, the air remained disturbed only by the steady breathing of – wow – two avengers, a pretty cool dog, and he thought that maybe Bucky still breathed. The man really was a bit of a mystery, so he couldn't be certain. TJ looked at the shadows of his fingers on Yana’s fur, really hoping the silence wasn’t from offending Bucky.

“Thanks.”

TJ startled at the sound, it came late and seemingly from nowhere. “Yup.” TJ whispered.

TJ didn’t get much chance at going back to sleep. As he started to drift, he heard the softest rustle of sheets across the room. Yana put her big head up, collar hardware tingling, and Nat’s soft, wary voice, “it’s just me.” That’s when he saw Bucky sitting at attention, knife glimmering with the reflection of the streetlight that peeked through the crack in the drapery. He put the knife away and Yana licked his face.

“You do remember we’re over here, right?” she asked, amused.

“Shut up.” Bucky grumbled. “She reacts, I react. Neither of us jumped you, so yeah, things are just fine.”

“How’s the patient?” Nat asked from the foot of the bed.

“Sore. Better than last night. Thanks.”

“Yup. Any news TJ?”

“We’re going to the farm. She knows what cars and how many bodies – warm ones – to expect.”

TJ looked out of the corner of his eye at Bucky when he heard a snicker. Shocked by the sound he turned toward Bucky, “what? You’ve been shot, you sleep with a knife, and I shouldn’t point out that we’re all expected to arrive breathing?”

“He sleeps with more than just **_a_** _knife_ TJ.” Nat said, her arms crossed, fully amused.

“I’m not entirely surprised. Not that I’m used to that but, yeah. Does _he_ sleep through everything?” TJ asked, jerking a thumb in Steve’s direction.

“He does not.” Steve said sleepily, sitting up, his hair darting in multiple directions. “What _did_ I sleep through?”

“We have our destination,” TJ started, only to be interrupted by Yana’s stomach grumbling. He laughed, “but first, someone’s hungry. I think we’re all entitled to something hot. I can run down to the diner if you’re all ok with that? I could take Yana out, you can get cleaned up.” He pointed at Bucky with the same thumb.

“I think I’ve just been insulted.”

“You don’t want a shower?” TJ smirked, “If you’ve already decided not to trust me with her, I understand.”

“TJ, she trusts you, I do. Pancakes.”

“For you or her?” TJ teased.

“Me. You did say you had dog food last night, right? She should have that. I’ll feed her when you get back.”

“Ok, pancakes, what about the rest of you?” TJ took orders, hooked Yana’s makeshift rope leash to her collar and once his shoes were on, he slipped out the door.

“He’s resilient.” Nat said, watching the two men look at each other.

“You know his history, but I think with this, yeah. You really didn’t mean for him to get this deep did you?” Steve asked.

“No. Someone getting shot and stabbed had something to do with that.”

“You couldn’t have sent him home?”

“Steve, this one – the stabbing and shooting victim – didn’t trust his dog to anyone else. He was going to let shock kill him if the dog wasn’t with TJ.”

“I didn’t say any of that.” Bucky disagreed. Well, outwardly. He really _hadn’t_ planned on going anywhere if TJ hadn’t promised to take care of Yana. He didn’t know if anyone else would consider Yana as important, not even Nataliya. TJ had shown genuine concern for his girl from the beginning. “You both might be right. You can still send him home you know.”

He wasn’t surprised by the sardonic grunts from both sides.

“Fine. I’m getting that shower, unless either of you thinks it’ll be bad for my health?”

“Nah.” Nat said, looking at Bucky’s wounds as he tugged the shirts over his head in one motion. “You should be ok.”

Steve looked at Nat after Bucky went into the bathroom. “So, you two.”

“Long time ago Steve.”

“I just find it interesting.” Steve’s gaze followed her from the end of the bed Bucky and TJ had slept in, to the dresser where the plastic shopping bags of clothes he’d picked up were sitting.

“I wasn’t keeping secrets. They were kept from me.”

“I know. What now?”

“We’re different people. Now is now.” She turned, pulling a gray t-shirt from the bag. “No colors? Maybe a nice purple or red maybe?”

“I’m sure there’s something colorful in one of those bags. That one’s for me.” Steve said, taking the dark gray shirt from her, “Do you know anything about this farm?”

“I assume there’s a house and property. If you get lucky, you could even see farm animals. Why?”

“I was just curious. You usually seem to have a lot of intel regarding everything, especially when you set it up.”

Steve watched as she quietly, methodically set clothes out in the space where Bucky had slept, she stuck a pile of folded shirts in TJ’s spot. Nat was silent for a while, thinking about the base information she possessed. She knew just a little more than public knowledge. The family farm was not something about which the general public or even the reporting public had many details.

“I have an idea where it is, and I know that it’s important to TJ, so, I’m sure his mom wouldn’t lure us there to haul us in in front of him. Moms don’t do that to their kids. Don’t be angry with me for seeing something shiny and digging, hoping for gold. It could be our freedom. TJ could have said “no” a long time ago and I’d have made sure he was safe getting home.”

Steve listened to the spray of  the shower as he took his time considering what Nat said. He was certain Natasha had his back, and could believe, based on the passion with which she’d hunted for information, and for Bucky’s physical location, that she had Bucky’s back too. What he didn’t know, was how she viewed TJ. He hoped she would keep his feelings in mind when doing what needed to be done.

“A long time ago?” he asked after another long silence.

Nat shrugged.

“Did TJ know that?”

“Maybe not, but he and I have talked about this, I’m pretty sure he’s the only one with a right to be upset with me over it, and he’s let me know he was. Might still be. You don’t get this one Rogers. This one’s TJ’s.”

“This _what_ ’s TJ’s?” TJ said from the doorway. Not surprising either of them, however, Nat had the decency to appear contrite.

“Cap here’s been defending your honor. Did you know you could sit this one out? That sort of thing.”

“I was kind of roped in beyond thinking about sitting it out. But we did discuss that last night. If I’d been asked, I might have said yes.” TJ set the food bags on Steve’s bed, and let Yana wander, hunting for Bucky.

“Hey doll.” Bucky said when Yana found him in the bathroom. “What’s all this? You better not let that rich kid buy your affections.”

TJ shook his head, smiling, as he pulled out Styrofoam containers. “She’s all yours, as soon as we were through the door she headed off to find you.”

Bucky stepped out of the bathroom, shirtless, with a towel around his waist. He picked up a new pair of jeans from the bed, “thanks for fixing her up TJ. The collar is nice, and she deserves a real leash.”

“She’s very proud of her new gear.” TJ forced himself look at either Bucky’s face, or the garment in his hand, no that was a mistake, pants, a firm reminder that the expanse of skin on show was accompanied by a naked-beneath a towel-Bucky. He turned as Bucky dropped said towel. “Uh… Not much to be had around here, camouflage is the county color, I think. But she makes it look fancy.”

“She does.” Bucky agreed, tugging the jeans up. “Nataliya? A little help please? My gear’s still outside I guess. Food smells great, thanks TJ.”

TJ took a chance that he could breathe if he turned, he saw Nat fastening Bucky’s jeans as he passed two containers in Bucky’s direction and handed two to Steve, both full of eggs, bacon, and pancakes. TJ and Nat each had one container for their omelets. TJ sat on the bed next to Steve, digging into his omelet, not thinking about shirtless Bucky, jealous and relieved at the same time that he didn’t get the job Nat performed without blinking. He settled his thoughts as he watched Bucky tease (but not horribly) Yana with bits of pancake and smiles. TJ looked up to see Steve watching him, and smiled awkwardly.

He’d been the ‘center of attention’ so many times in his life, but somehow he would stack being in the middle of a small, cheap motel room with three larger-than-life people against that any day. Any of them could squash him, but there was at least one defending him, another promising to be his friend, and the third, reduced to mush by a dog, was giving him unreadable looks, while caressing the dog’s neck and collar. It was all too surreal.

“I’m fine with this, I promise.” TJ felt compelled to say under Steve’s scrutiny. “I’ve never contributed much, getting arrested is a way to I assert myself, apparently. So maybe this is a good thing.”

“As long as you’re ok with it. We could see that you get home and take things from here.” Steve offered, noticing the quirk of Nat’s eyebrow, the disheartened look on Bucky’s face, and also noticing the distinct lack of interest in his offer from TJ.

“I’m fine. I’m not worried about any of this.”

“You should be. We could get there just fine or we could be ambushed on the road.”

Steve’s gaze snapped to Bucky, that Nat stood agreeing by the slightest nod of her head didn’t escape his notice either, “Nice Buck.”

“The kid deserves to know what he’s offering. He has no security detail. There won’t be any security for any of us, until we reach the farm. Are you sure TJ?”

“I’m sure.” TJ looked at Bucky, tamping down any reaction to the soft look of fresh out of the shower Bucky Barnes. TJ glanced away, catching Steve’s questioning look, “Don’t worry Steve, I understand the reason we’re all cramped into one room, you can’t stick out, not because you’re ‘famous’, but because people have no scruples, and you’re still not free. I’m willing to bet we’ll get there just fine, but I’m smart enough to recognize that there’s still danger. Natasha’s promised to keep me safe.”

“If anyone can, she can.” Steve agreed. “She kept me safe. More than once.”

“As much as I’d really like to lounge here with this mound of pillows, and sleepy dog, we’d better get moving.” Bucky said, folding some egg and bacon into a pancake and taking a huge bite.

Yana watched as some egg escaped the makeshift sandwich, waiting for the ‘ok’ to help herself. Bucky took a few more bites before letting her have the rest of the egg in the container. “Spoiled little darlin’.” He crooned. He inspected the jacket he’d worn in, checking for blood before putting it on, he flashed TJ a smile and thought that maybe the kid blushed.

“I think since TJ knows where he’s going, and Natasha has an idea where it is, TJ can drive Yana and me in the bug, and Steve, you can go talk business with Nat. He’ll be safe with me, and you’ll be able to keep us both in your sights.”

 “It’s not a terrible idea.” Nat considered as she tackled the last few bites of her omelet.

“TJ?” Steve asked hesitantly.

“Yeah I’m ok to drive, didn’t lose my license or anything. I know how to get there from here.” TJ had thought he was safe from Bucky. He hadn’t considered the possibility of being safe _with_ him. He wasn’t safe from his own feelings, or from being in the car alone with him for over an hour. “Besides, I like the sounds of Yana’s snores in the car.” TJ heard himself say.

“Come on baby girl.” Bucky said sweetly, taking her leash in hand. Everyone grabbed bags and lugged them outside and down to the cars. It was still early enough that most of the temporary residents were sleeping.

Steve tossed the keys to TJ, prompting Bucky to ask, “How much trouble are we in if we get pulled over?”

“I told you I was ok.” TJ argued, before noticing Bucky’s gaze boring into Steve.

“I borrowed it _with permission_.” Steve said pointedly. “You shouldn’t go getting pulled over though. It’s not in our best interests.”

“If the car’s legit, we won’t have anything to worry about.” TJ said, catching the edge of the drift being cast.

“Ok then. But you did say a traffic stop was what got you into this.” Nat piped in.

“I won’t be answering any calls and spilling coffee in my lap. We’ll be fine. Make sure you remember what a speed limit is.” TJ countered.


	6. Chapter 6

Bucky eased into the seat with a chuckle. ‘They’re all the same.’ He thought. ‘It figures, they need to be to get involved in this shit.’ Bucky clicked his tongue a couple of times and Yana set her head on his shoulder with a soft huff.

TJ tried not to jostle the car when he got in, having noticed the bouncy nature of the older vehicle, and still conscious of Bucky’s injuries. “You ready?”

“Yeah. Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.”

“My mom… she’s intense, but she’s smart, and she’s fair. And my driving honestly shouldn’t worry you.” TJ said, smiling. “What about you Yana? Are you ready?”

She looked at TJ by only moving her eyes, not leaving her perch on Bucky’s shoulder.

“Ok then.” TJ started the car and put it in gear.

The radio was an original, AM only, that wasn’t really an option, and TJ didn’t want to mess with his phone, so the drive was quiet at first. Until Yana groaned and Bucky told her “It’s ok, you can lie down.” Bucky watched her curl up on the back seat.

“I noticed she was favoring her front paw. I checked for something in it, but I couldn’t find a thorn, a splinter, or a rock.”

“Yeah, that’s been coming on recently. I’m concerned she might have something wrong with one of her joints, taking some time off her feet will do her good.”

“I can have the vet come look at her while we’re at the farm. I’d feel better if we knew it was just something a little pain pill would help.”

“TJ, you’ve already done so much for me. I…”

“Bucky. I’m doing it for Yana. You said yourself, you don’t know her history, and it’ll be good to have her checked out. She’s a good girl and deserves the best.”

“I… she means everything to me. I’ll do anything to make it up to you, I promise.” Bucky’s voice was raw, he pushed at the tears in his eyes. “What if something’s wrong?”

“We’ll find out, and we’ll fix it.”

“We. You’ve known me for roughly 15 hours.”

“I might have a little crush on Yana. I can’t just be half-assed about it. You don’t have to make anything up to me.”

“Thanks.” Bucky peeked over the seat to see Yana stretched out on the back seat, her legs extended over the edge. “I think I might not have made it, even before the gunshots and knife, if she hadn’t come along. I went through some tough nights.”

“I’m sorry, nobody should be alone for too long. Darkness has a way of messing with you.”

“How do you know I wasn’t talking about the cold?”

“Well, from one guy who’s been there, to another, I’ve had my own dark and empty nights. I wasn’t sent a furry guardian angel to stop me, or to comfort me, but my mom did find me. She pulled me out and saved me. For a while I didn’t think much of her choice.”

“And now?”

“Now, I feel differently. I’m sober because I want to be. I choose to be, for me. I’ve had some bumpy moments. I had to chase some thoughts away in the last 15 hours, but for the most part, I have the tools for that now.”

“Tools?”

“My therapist gave me some thoughts to entertain, some ideas to consider, and a couple of emergency numbers too. Luckily, I haven’t hit that particular level yet.”

“Therapy’s working for you? I’m sorry too many questions. I’d clam up if I had to deal with me.”

“No,” TJ smiled, looking at Bucky, appreciating the softness of his freshly washed hair, “I don’t mind. If you feel like asking, I’ll answer until it makes me uncomfortable, then I’ll tell you to stop. Therapy used to suck. I hated it, all the bullshit just pissed me off. Then I realized I wasn’t seeing the right person. I found the right fit for me. Finally found someone who didn’t patronize me, but wasn’t sitting there, counting the minutes by dollar signs.”

“Oh, the almighty dollar.” Bucky sighed.

“Yeah, unlimited when it makes my parents look good. I could be easy money for some of these people, sit there, and tune me out. Make money for multiple visits a week, for months or years. Spouting off things I have wrong with me, on occasion, to appear relevant.”

“How do you find the right one?”

“I had to suffer a bunch of the wrong ones, and then a friend suggested a doctor.” TJ chuckled, “I’m sure there are better ways than my way. The doctor my friend suggested wasn’t the one I ended up with, but that doctor did refer me to the therapist I see now.”

“Seems counterproductive.”

“I seduced him. It was an accident, really. I mean the seduction wasn’t. That was planned, I just didn’t realize _at the time_ that the guy my friend introduced me to was supposed to be my therapist. We were introduced at a party, and I – sober as I am now, mind you – I thought I was being set up, and he was really attractive. I mean rivaling Steve Rogers attractive.”

“You have a thing for Steve then, do you?” Bucky smirked.

“Jealous?” TJ teased back, “I mean according to Nat, you and I look alike – aside from the hair. If I’d said I had a thing for you, would that be weird? Narcissistic at the very least.”

“I don’t see it.” Bucky said, peering through the window to the small round side-mirror.

“I said the same thing.” TJ laughed. Was Bucky flirting back? Testing the waters? Was he imagining the whole thing?

“So, how did you find out the doctor wasn’t intended to be a date? How does one pick up a Hotter-than-Captain America doctor?”

“I’ll have you know, I’ve got game. Parties are my element, under bridges and in cars with spies-who-lie are not.”

“You’re still mad at Nataliya.”

“She’s got too many names, for one. Natalie to me, Nataliya to you, Natasha to Steve.”

“It’s all the same.” Bucky laughed, “You’re joking, though, right?”

“Of course. We worked it out, I do have a right to use it to cope with this impossible situation though.”

“Are you? Coping?”

“I am, I’m holding up. How many people get to have this kind of adventure anyway? I wasn’t coerced, I wasn’t kidnapped and forced to do anything. I was manipulated, but at least I always had an out.”

“I’ll take most of the blame for dragging you into this. I wasn’t sure what they had in store for me, I didn’t know if she had only helped before because of Steve, I thought maybe she’d turn me in. Also, through my fevered, shocky haze, I worried that she’d gone back to _them_. I’m cursed with paranoia. It takes hold sometimes. At the very least, I needed to make sure that Yana was cared for.”

“I give you my word, then and now, whatever happens with my mom and everything, I mean she’ll try to help, I know that in my bones, but if it doesn’t work out, Yana will be waiting for you.” TJ saw what the dog meant to Bucky, he saw what Bucky meant to the dog too. He could understand the need to have her safety established, and he meant every word of his oath.

While he was thinking about it, and before he had to look _at_ Bucky after his promise, he voice-dialed the caretaker’s number, asking him to have the vet come out to the farm to see a dog. “Tell my mother what’s happening so they will part the black sea when he arrives.” TJ added.

“You don’t have to do all of this TJ.” Bucky said, as soon as TJ ended the call.

“I know. But I can, so why not? I promised you last night that Yana was going to be ok and safe. I’m still fulfilling my promise.”

“You’ve expanded and extended your promise. I know, you “have a crush”.” Bucky said before TJ could, “I have no real way to thank you, no way to let you know how grateful I am.”

“I think I know. If I had someone who meant that much to me, I’d be emotionally compromised. I’d be indebted for life, but I don’t want that. I just _really_ like her and want her to be well, I like you too, and I see how important she really is for you.”

“She’s so much more than a pet or a companion. She helps me. She grounds me, and brings me back from the brink. She makes this” Bucky gestured his missing arm, “she makes it so much easier. You know? I never really found out what it was like to be an amputee until this past couple of months. It’s hard to think of yourself as such when the replacement is – in so many ways – superior to the original. It’s been tough being less dexterous, more physically off balance. I appreciate the loss, because I know I can get by, but she’s that _extra_ help. She sees when I overcorrect and keeps me from falling over. I taught her to help me tie my shoes. I can’t even believe I’m telling you all of this.”

TJ smiled at Bucky’s embarrassed smirk, “Hey, I’m all ears.”

“Really? Remember, you asked for it. I haven’t had anyone to talk to in ages.”

“You could have, I’m guessing.”

“No.” Bucky dismissed the thought, looking out the side window, purposefully overlooking his reflection. “TJ, you don’t have a cigarette do you?”

“I do.” TJ reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out the pack. “You don’t mind if I join you, do you?”

“Nope, that’d be rude wouldn’t it?” Bucky took one and perched it between his lips before handing one to TJ. He watched as TJ lit the cigarette, then he lit his own with the orange coils from the beetle's lighter, “Thanks. No, I don’t think talking to him about some of this stuff is as easy as talking to you, and honestly, I’ve only started to recall Nat… I remember moments and I remember _her_ you know, her essence. The details, not so much. Still, it would hurt like hell, finding out the same applied to her, that she only recalls splinters of me and of us. Him? Well, he has a lot he’s already dealing with. You have that one person you’d forgive anything, right? That’s what, or who, I am to him. That doesn’t mean I want to test the boundaries.”

“That makes sense.” TJ considered, “I’m impartial, no shared history, and a willing participant. I am, Bucky. Willing.”

“Thanks. I can’t seem to shut it off, so you’re in for it.” Bucky flicked ashes out the window. “Not a feeling I’m used to.”

“Before… back in the day, what were you like? A talker? Social?” TJ looked across the small car to see the frown slowly tugging itself into – not a smile – a smirk.

“I guess I was pretty social, that was way back.” Bucky watched the cigarette in TJ's hand as it glowed when TJ took a drag.

“Could you tap into that again? I don’t mean as a parlor trick or something, but, just here? Don’t worry about the world around us – this car, it’s already in the shape of a bubble. In this bubble, tap into that and just be. How would you break the ice?”

“I don’t even know.” Bucky paused, smiled at his reflection in the little round side mirror. “Back in the day, current events, Dodger talk, maybe music, some radio program. With a dame it’d be another story, small talk, a compliment, a little mention of music, and maybe an offer to dance.”

“You ever pick up a guy? I mean – I know that would have to be discreet.”

“Nah. Too dangerous. I had my fair share of danger just keeping track of Steve.” Bucky chuckled, smoke tendrils marked his mirth.

“Did you and he ever?" TJ took a long drag on the cigarette and flicked it out the window, "I mean…”

“We – what would you call it?” Bucky took a final drag from his own cigarette, put it out, then exhaled, “We experimented a little. Why do you ask?”

“Curiosity? I couldn’t imagine you were straight. No… I… I’m sorry. Wishful thinking. I hoped you weren’t.”

“Nope. Neither one really. I mean, I don’t know how he feels these days, but yeah. I definitely had no preference.”

“Just Steve though.”

“No. In the army – in Europe, it was still very dangerous, but when you could likely get your head blown off the next day, a little dalliance didn’t feel quite so terrifying. I went beyond experimenting one night in an upstairs room at a tavern in France. Un poilu, a local soldier. He bought drinks, offered cigarettes, and more.”

“Ok, that – I didn’t expect.” TJ grinned.

“War made us daring, and maybe a little desperate. I needed something, I was so… things were smoky, and gray, and ugly. He was none of those, ok, a little smoky, but that was a different kind of thing. He was so attractive and funny, and had these stunning green eyes. He laughed with such abandon; I wanted to do that again. I wanted to feel that again. When I say Steve and I experimented, we had an understanding, but I still never told him. I thought that maybe he really, only meant dames were ok. I thought this guy was different enough…”

“You worried you’d hurt Steve’s feelings.”

“A little. At the time, I thought hey, this guy’s tall, he’s strong, with the greenest eyes, and dark wavy hair, he’s so different, and maybe that’s ok, like dames are different. Then I worried that a big, strong guy might make him feel inferior, so I never talked about Jean Paul. Then Steve shows up all big, and strong, and the only real difference were his hair and eyes, and our history, and I still couldn’t bring it up.”

“At the risk of being even _more_ intrusive, experimenting meant?”

“I don’t even know all of the terms, we definitely kissed, a lot. There was a lot of… touching, and…”

“Blow jobs?” TJ smirked, not looking at Bucky, not wanting to make him feel more embarrassed.

“Y-yeah.” Bucky looked at TJ, noted the hint of a smile, “A fair share of that too. Things got a lot more adventurous with Jean Paul.”

“But not after Jean Paul?”

“No. My guilt, the war, what was happening in my head and to my body after Zola, a lot of all of that. I never told him, and I – there were occasions, when I would think ‘this time I’ll suggest it’, but there were always too many eyes, and there was no place that was truly quiet. We had so few opportunities for even “just a blowjob”. I think that we only managed to squeeze that in couple of times. Kissing wasn’t even easy much of the time.”

“This is better than any history lesson in the history of the world.”

“I think that’s an exaggerated statement TJ.” Bucky laughed. “Are you a history buff? Or just queer history? Or… just Steve Rogers queer history?”

“God, he’s pretty.” TJ said in an exaggerated way, “I was actually curious about you. But I love history too.”

“Me? Was that real before TJ?” Bucky asked, shocked.

“It wasn’t supposed to come out either time, actually, because I kinda suck at flirting with nice guys.”

“I don’t believe that, and I’m not nice TJ.”

“Coulda fooled me. You’ve been nothing but. I’m certain that’s not a put-on.” TJ knew where Bucky was coming from, but couldn’t buy into it. “We do things we regret, it doesn’t make us not nice. Remorse comes from a place inherently good.”

“You sure it’s not just a reflex, like gagging?”

“I’m sure.” TJ shook his head and laughed. “I’ve met people with no remorse. None. Ever. Pretty sure they still vomit. So, how’s _that_ for quality flirting?”

“That’s – I can see where you might have trouble.” Bucky laughed, feeling lighter and just maybe a little bit younger.

“You started it.” TJ defended himself, trying to keep track of the road, distracted by Bucky’s laugh, and more of his softness being exposed by humor.

“I guess I did.” Bucky held his side from laughing and caught TJ watching him. “So, I’ve never picked up a guy in my life, is it much different from picking up a girl?”

“You’d tell someone if that’s worse, right?”

“It was just the laughing, twinges mostly. Tell me; is it different? Would you not be the one to answer that?”

“I think the approach is typically similar, if your go-to pick up is at least respectful.”

“Kid, it was the thirties, if it wasn’t respectful, it was rebuffed, and you were ostracized.”

“Hmm. I see your point. No corny stuff. That won’t be seen as quaint, it will just be laughed off.”

“What would work on you?”

“Take care of my dog, she’s everything to me.” TJ said, feeling the air around him thicken, feeling time freeze.

Bucky reached across, placing his hand on top of TJ’s on the gearshift.

“Did it work?”

TJ moistened his lips, keeping his eyes on the road while he tried to formulate a thought.

“Is this too forward? Or too corny?” Bucky asked, his voice laced with delight.

“You’re a tease.”

“No. I’m desperately trying to lighten the mood because you haven’t answered me.” Bucky removed his hand, even with the narrow width of the car; the pull across his shoulders with the reach was irritating the wounds on his back.

“Not too corny, the idea that it was forward was a little corny.” TJ finally answered, wishing Bucky hadn’t pulled his hand away. “I mean, you have to be a _little_ forward.”

“Ok, so – if my back hadn’t screamed ‘stop that’, _you_ wouldn’t have?”

“Are you ok?”

“I’m fine, it was just the way the muscles pulled, and you didn’t answer.”

“I would not tell you to stop.” TJ said, glancing at Bucky. “We might want to be a little more discreet than even this around my mother though. She might get the wrong idea, and decide not to help you just to spite me.”

“Ok.” Bucky was sure he didn’t like the haunted look that crossed TJ’s face. “Noted. Just friends then. Until later?”

“Later.” TJ pondered his answer. “Later, means what Bucky?”

“If they don’t haul me away, maybe we can explore a few ideas. I’d typically offer to buy you a drink, but that’s not a good idea.”

“No, it’s a great idea. Or would be if there was someplace we could buy drinks.”

“Oh, I thought you said sober,”

“I have been, I am. A drink doesn’t have to be alcohol, we could talk and – tell you what, once everything’s been discussed, I’ll raid the fridge, “buy” you a drink, and we can do just that.”

“I like it.” Bucky smiled.

* * *

“So, what’s the story?” Nat asked, not looking at Steve while she sped up to pass TJ and Bucky in the VW.

“What story? You know where you’re going?”

“Nah, I’ll let them get ahead of us again when it counts. I just wanted to see how they were holding up in that little excuse for a car.”

“Hah. You’re funny.”

“The story between you and Barnes?” Natasha looked pointedly at Steve.

“I have a feeling I should be asking you that question. He says you have history.”

“Yeah, that’s – not only complicated – it’s a lifetime ago. Someone else’s lifetime. This is about you, _you_ can’t escape the question.”

“We’ve always been close. I don’t know what you want.” Steve shrugged.

“You do.”

“We were in love. Like you said, a lifetime ago.”

The car was silent for long enough that Steve wondered if his casual outing himself had an effect on Nat's opinion of him.

“That’s not in the history books.” Nat finally said.

“Nat, that would have been erased from every history book, if it had ever been out.”

“Why did you agree to him driving with TJ? TJ’s got a thing for him, you could have taken the time to work stuff out a little between you two."

“Again, I could ask you the same question.” Steve knew this wouldn't change or deflect the subject, but maybe she'd drop it?

“I’m still not talking about me. I will after we work you out. How do you feel about the situation?”

“Aw, Christ Nat. It never went anywhere." so much for dropping it, "Once I was in Europe, things had changed. He’d been tortured, I’d changed, and obviously, things had changed between us, because nothing happened after. Hardly anything. It didn’t bother me, no time for it to bother me.”

“Maybe it was because he saw what Peggy meant to you.”

“Since I’ve already said so much more than ‘too much’, can I tell you something?” Steve could feel the heat rising in his cheeks and his ears burned.

“Anything.”

“I always thought that since I wasn’t his type any more, just being close to him was enough. I didn’t care too much about the…” Nat pursed her lips to fight a smile as she watched Steve’s face redden. She had to pull her eyes back to the road, both for safety and to try to spare him further embarrassment. When words didn’t continue, she stepped in.

“Sex?”

“We didn’t get that far, technically.”

“Oh,” Nat tried to suppress a grin. “I hate to say this, but this is very interesting. So, how much ‘not technically’ and why not?”

“Well, you have to think of the climate in those days. We had a good, healthy fear of being exposed, and I might have exploited that to put things off.”

“That’s the only reason I can imagine ‘fear’ ever keeping you from doing anything. But you didn’t put it off out of fear did you? I mean personal fear?”

“No.” Steve looked out the window, eyeing the deep purple bug. “Disinterest.”

“You weren’t attracted to him?”

“I was always attracted to him, as a person. I always loved him and I wanted to give him everything, I just didn’t _want_ sex.”

Nat knew what he was and wasn’t saying. She wouldn’t put the words in his mouth, and she wouldn’t drag them out of him. Now was not the time to be _herself_. She refrained from saying anything, just put her hand on his, where it fidgeted on his knee.

“I remember being angry because not even the serum could fix it. I expected it to be different when I saw him again in Europe. I wanted that to be fixed, but I didn’t have the luxury of a lot of time to worry about it. There was war, and then he was gone. Nat, after all of our talks, all of your date suggestions, I was still worried that something was very broken. Even when I tried to get a handle on my feelings for Sharon. I looked it up recently. I learned that I’m not – I’m not broken, I’m simply asexual.”

“Nothing simple about that – it’s beautiful Steve. That doesn’t say anything for your heart though. How are you doing with the idea that they’ve taken an interest in each other?”

“I like it. I like TJ, and if for even a minute or two, it makes Bucky happy… I couldn’t imagine being the person standing in the way of him finding happiness.”

Steve looked at Natasha, watching for her opinion to change. Noticing that he was watching her, she glanced at him. “What?” She smiled.

“Where’s the sassy comeback? The jokes or the – the judgement?”

“I judge you for your taste in cars. Your fashion sense is questionable. You’re too tall. You’re hardheaded.”

He laughed at her.

“You happy now? I just judged your core worth as a human being. As for your sexuality? That’s yours, and you should be proud no matter what it is. I’m proud to be one of the people you’ve told.”

“You’re the only person. I’ve never said it aloud in front of someone, even though I said it aloud six or seven times when I read it.”

“That’s it? No mirror rehearsal?” She smirked.

“No.”

“I was sitting here – happy because I thought I’d figured you out. I thought, ‘oh, that’s cool, he’s bisexual’ but I was wrong. It’s cool that you’re you, and I’m happy to be wrong.”

“People are going to be upset and confused.”

“Screw them. I mean don't because you're not into that," she waited and was not disappointed when he laughed, "but you’ve spent your life being upset and confused because you thought something was wrong with you. Anyone gets upset with you because they’re so narrow-minded that your sexuality confuses them, they don’t deserve an ounce of consideration. Besides, the only people who need to know are the ones you determine worthy.”

“I’m fine with being out. I think it would help other people.”

“Maybe get your name off the most wanted lists first.” Nat chuckled. “I’ll stand right by your side when the time comes.”

“I should tell the people I’m closest to first anyway.” Steve smiled, “Thanks Nat.”

“You don’t have to thank me. So, back to Bucky, it doesn’t mean you have to be alone, you know."

“I know. I’m working on it, I think Bucky’s made his choice, he expressed an interest, and he chose who to ride with.”

“I think that’s because TJ makes him feel comfortable, he has very little in the way of expectations, and he’s cute. He’s funny too.”

“I know, he’s really…” Steve stopped. He was not going to give her more ammunition.

“You have a little crush.”

“I don’t." Steve lied. "Every time I've met him, he's been fun and funny, lightening the mood and it couldn’t be anything. TJ is - he's  _very_ sexual.”

“I knew you did and you’re making excuses, that’s cute Steve. So what happened with Sharon?”

“We haven’t been in touch, since before I made my startling discovery. I mean, I know it’s ok, and I know we could have a relationship if she accepted me, if she…”

“If she knew, which she doesn’t because I’m the only one who does. You should talk to her. You should talk to TJ too. You shouldn’t limit yourself or be alone because you think someone feels a certain way. They could surprise you.”

“You’re always matchmaking.” Steve smiled, “I understand where it’s coming from, but what about you Nat? You and Bucky? You’re pushing me to get involved with him, Sharon, and TJ. You’re ensuring your friend isn’t lonely, but what about Natasha? Have you heard from Bruce?”

“You haven’t asked that before.”

“I thought you’d say something when you were ready.”

“He left. I get it. But I need someone who won’t leave me, no matter the circumstances. I don’t need anyone right now, I have you to worry about. I’m not lonely as long as I have my family.”

“If you change your mind, I see you and Sam making everyone crazy.”

“Sam’s nice.” Nat conceded with a nod.

Nat's phone rang, and she saw TJ's id pop up, she handed it to Steve to answer.

“Hey, TJ?”

“We’re going to take the next right about a mile ahead. That road’s about 15 miles, then left at the “T”.”

“Ok, I’ll let Nat know, thanks TJ.”

Steve ended the call and relayed the information. “Sounds like we’re getting close.”

“Could be, unless that last road’s the longest.”

“Pessimist.” Steve teased.

“You didn’t ask them if they were getting along.”

“I would have, but I thought you were going so fast, you might miss the turn, then you’d make some crazy move to correct it…”

“You’d be worried about a little craziness? You, who jumps out of airplanes without a parachute? I don’t think you can complain about a little exciting driving.”

“Ok, but the car could rebel, this isn’t your state of the art sport’s car. If you jacked this up, we’d all be in the VW. Four people and a dog.”

“I might give you points for that, if I believed for one minute you thought of any of it before you said anything.”

“Ok fine.” Steve laughed, looking out the window. He had weighed the options of keeping his sexuality to himself versus telling someone. Nat seemed the perfect option, he knew he could talk to Sam too, but there was always a door opening with Nat, any time she brought up his dating, he knew one time he’d be able to put his foot through that door. He felt really good about letting that out.

He’d been through the struggle with the preconceived notion that sexuality had something to do with worth. He came to understand that he was strong and vital, even when he’d thought he was bisexual (and even then didn’t know that was the word for it). Once he realized that whom he loved had no bearing on his vitality, his strength was infused in him, he was able to live his life so that if anyone wanted to call him pansy, or any other weak-minded bullying names, he’d deal with them the way he always had. Head on.

After repeated consideration, he’d determined for himself that being exactly the opposite of what everyone assumed he was, didn’t mean he wasn’t every bit the same strong, vital being. So he hadn’t had sex, he’d had no use for it, and it didn’t take away from his spirit, and the serum didn’t take it away from him. The serum didn’t “fix” him because his sexuality wasn’t flawed. It was just _him._

“What’cha thinkin’ about.” Nat asked, bumping his forearm with her fist.

“I need to share a message with public.”

“You don’t have to come out right away. We covered that.”

“No, but I think I do. I need to let them know, everyone… Anyone who identifies as queer… They have to know that there’s nothing wrong with them.”

“It’s not your job.”

“Nat. It’s not my job, but I thought something was wrong with me, and I was upset when I wasn’t “fixed”. The Serum fixed _everything_ that was wrong with me. Which means my sexuality didn’t change because that wasn’t ever a problem. People need to hear that.”

“You’re right. You know that not all of the people who hear it will be on your side.”

“They don’t have to be. I don’t care who’s ‘on my side’, I care about the person who’s tried to hurt themselves because they think there’s something broken in them. I care about the people who will find out later and feel betrayed by my silence, because I can protect everyone from known threats, but I chose to protect myself from those who will disagree with or hate me.”

“Can I ask a question? I mean, I agree with your statement, but do you _ever_ rest? When we’re not fighting, you’re still looking for a fight.”

“No, Nat. This one is already going on. I’m not concerned about fallout. I’m not an Avenger anymore, and I don’t have to care about how it makes The Avengers look. I don’t have to check with anyone for a press release, I’m not spoiling for a fight, but my self-discovery could save a life, could save many lives. It _will s_ ave some people peace of mind, and I don’t care about the ones who lose theirs. IF they’re riled up because their ideal of Captain America is stained by my being “less than” what they expect me to be, they can shove it. When have I put the interests of bullies over the interest of the people being bullied? Never. If I ever start – I’ve been on this earth too long.”

“Ok, I really was thinking of your softer side, but I see you’ve got other people’s softer sides taking priority, I like it. I do, just remember to take care of yourself too; you haven’t even gotten everything figured out on our current fight.”

“I know, and thank you for looking out for me.” Steve looked at Nat and saw the VW passing them. “I think maybe we’re getting close, but you knew that, didn’t you?”

“TJ flashed the headlights and I slowed down. I figured he was letting us know.”

“You still trust him?” Steve asked, watching the car blow up dust as it pulled in front of them.

“I do. Don’t you?” Nat looked at Steve’s profile, certain that he was changing the subject.

“I do. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me feel better to hear it said aloud.”


	7. Chapter 7

TJ put his hand on Bucky’s leg a split second before Yana rested her head on Bucky’s shoulder as they turned into the drive to the farm. “It’s ok. I know you’re worried, but you are safe.”

“I know, thank you TJ.” Bucky brought his hand to cover TJ’s “I appreciate that you’re this involved, even though you were roped in. I appreciate that you decided to stick it out. I’m sorry they used you, sorry I’m the reason.”

“It’s ok. I’ve been used for who my parents are before, and for a far worse cause, or no cause at all really. I wasn’t ever given an out either. This is an adventure that I just happened to become a part of. SO… don’t worry. I’m involved because I want to be. My mom is daunting but she’s also warm. You’ll be fine. I promise.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“You should. There’s a doctor coming to look at you, and the vet is coming to give Miss Yana a check too. Please don’t argue the doctor. I don’t care if it’s just a bruise by the time we get there, you nearly passed out last night. It should be looked at.”

“I won’t argue. I have enough to worry about. Jesus, TJ. I should have stayed in Wakanda. I was safe there, or I thought I was.”

“It sounds like you had protection. It also sounds like you weren’t thinking straight.”

“My thoughts were compromised. I wasn’t – I was me, but it was like I was doped up, from the work they did – I know you don’t know anything I’m even talking about and we’re running short on time, but they were really _in my_ head literally. I’ll tell you about it more someday. But I was caught in a weird paranoia. I managed to slip out before security even got to the door.”

“So you were – it was like you were high but you weren’t – from the procedure they’d just barely completed. The “thugs” breached the building, and because you were freaked out, you ran. Sounds reasonable. I wouldn’t beat myself up over self-preservation, even if the method was ill advised.”

“I could have saved everyone a lot of hassle.”

“and never met Yana. It’s ok to make mistakes, especially when they’re yours to make. I know a little about what you’ve been through because Nat told me. Look at the good that came from the mistakes. It’s easier than feeling bad about making them.”

“Therapy?”

“Therapy.” TJ smiled, pulling to a stop at the impressive road-block in the driveway. He rolled down his window, “Hey Stan. It’s me – TJ.”

“Mister Hammond.”

“Ok, so my mom said she’d let you know to expect us, just four people and one dog.”

“Yes sir. You don’t mind if I take a look?”

“You know I don’t. I appreciate you keeping my mom safe. The trunk’s locked, here’s the key, there are weapons in the stuff in the trunk, and do you need us to get out? Or can we stay put? My friend’s injured.”

The man tossed the key to another agent who searched the trunk, Stan peered into the car, smiling slightly, and TJ’d never tell, “TJ, they’ll take the weapons, I should make you get out, but you’ll be searched when you stop at the house. Mister Barnes. This must be the dog.”

TJ chuckled at the dry delivery. “Protocol, I get it. Yeah, that’s Yana. I’m sad to say I’m the only one of the five of us with documentation at this time. Mom’s aware.”

“Yes sir. If you wait here for your friends, if their vehicle checks out, you can drive in together.”

“Nice. Have a great day Stan.” TJ turned to Bucky, “Thanks for putting your weapons away. I hope you don’t have any more on you, it’ll make the search go a lot smoother. Growing up with so many of them, they’re familiar enough with me, Mom sent Stan to ‘welcome’ us, as opposed to intimidating us. That’s because he used to be _my own_ personal guard. Poor man.”

TJ saw Stan coming back toward the bug, watched as he waved them ahead, then he put the car into gear, waving out the window. “I’m sure he’s wondering just what the hell “Mister Hammond” has gotten himself into this time.”

The two laughed as the car rattled over the drive.

“So what’s the joke about this car, anyway? I mean, is it Steve’s size?”

“Have you ever met Sam Wilson?”

“I have. He’s a really nice guy.”

“He’s also very broad across the shoulders, and he thinks his legs are as long as his shoulders are wide. We were in one of these in Germany, two-plus hours, me in the back, Steve with his long legs, and Sam imagining his legs were just as long. It was a real treat.”

TJ was laughing merrily as they pulled to a stop at the top of the drive, “Oh my god. I’m so sorry.” TJ said, trying to contain himself, “That’s terrible. Yana’s got it good.”

Bucky waited in the car, smiling at TJ’s mirth, still nervous about what was next. He was surrounded by the law, he could be snatched up, he could be gunned down, he’d been in more compromising situations, but he hadn’t had access to fear. Fear was _not_ helping him.

TJ saw Bucky’s hesitation, watched as Yana climbed over the seats and planted herself across Bucky’s lap. He approached the passenger door, opening it slowly, and crouched near the ground next to the low-standing vehicle. “Hey, no rush.” TJ said, putting his hand on Bucky’s knee. “Tell me what you need, if you want me to get Nat or Steve; or if you want me to shuffle them inside first; we’ll do this on your dime.”

“I don’t, by the way. I knew they’d search everyone. I put them all in the one bag.” Bucky tore his eyes away from Yana’s ear and TJ’s hand, both in close proximity to the other, to look at TJ. “I just need a minute. You can send them in, walk in with me will ya?”

TJ clasped Bucky’s hand, “I will. Will you be ok for a minute? I’m just going to step away to let them know.”

“Yeah. I’m fine. I’m sorry. Thank you TJ.”

“Take a breath before you move to get out of the car. Just do that. One breath for each action.” TJ said, squeezing Bucky’s hand before releasing it and stepping back.

Bucky followed TJ’s advice, making each movement deliberate, pausing for a deep breath between them. One breath, Swing his legs out one at a time.  Another breath, stand up. A third, call Yana. A fourth, step away from the car. By the time he got that far, he felt a bit less shaky than his rushed apology and thanks.

TJ took Bucky’s hand in his, “Ready to face the steps yet? If it will entice you, there’s fresh-squeezed lemonade in the kitchen.”

“Thanks. Let’s get through the doors first, ok?”

“Yup.” TJ let Bucky’s hand drop, then put his hand on Bucky’s shoulder once they were in front of the agents assigned to search them. Beyond the top of the steps, TJ could see his mom through the screen door, talking to Steve and Natasha. She made eye contact and separated herself from them, heading his way, against the desires of the secret service agents between them. One look their way from President Barrish quelled arguments. TJ stood beside Bucky through his search, “Please be careful of his injuries – mid to lower torso.” TJ said to the agent before he put hands on Bucky.

The search of both men completed, TJ stepped aside to let Bucky and Yana through the door first, and then hugged his mom as she pushed her way past the screen door. One of the agents cleared his throat and Elaine pulled TJ in and closed the front door behind TJ. The concerned agent moved to stand in front of the door.

“Mom, do you think he could not block the exits. There’s more outside than there are in here, I think we’re safe.”

Elaine looked at TJ before having the man step aside. “I’m so happy to see you Thomas.” Her formal use of his name was the only indication of her frustration.

“I’m happy to see you too. Thanks for this, really. Mom, you’ve met Steve and Natasha, this is Bucky, and that princess there is Yana. Do you think before we sit down for business, that we can get Bucky’s wounds looked at and Yana checked out and immunized?”

“Of course, there’s a room upstairs waiting for Mr. Barnes, they can look Yana over out in the barn.”

“No. Yana is Bucky’s service dog,” TJ said, noting the tension that pulled Bucky’s shoulders to attention. “They can both be seen in Grandpa’s room. Come with me, Bucky. Steve, if you’d like?”

TJ saw the agitation leave Bucky’s body, as vividly as if it were a ribbon of light, and land in his mother’s but right now, he’d made promises, and one of those promises was that Yana was safe and would remain safe. He’d also promised himself that Bucky wouldn’t have to worry too much about Yana if he had any say in the matter, and he did.

Steve took up the rear, following TJ, Bucky’s dog, and Bucky. He looked back at Nat, left with President Barrish, and she smiled, stepping up to the president to draw her back into conversation.

TJ opened the door to a white bedroom, with open curtains and a down comforter. He ushered Bucky inside, “Have seat, I think the doctor’s in my old room. I’ll be right back. Nobody will come in before I do, so you can get comfortable, Yana can get up on the bed if you don’t object.”

Bucky sat on the edge of the bed, scratching the dog’s head where she sat on the floor at his side. “Thank you TJ.”

Steve watched TJ leave before asking Bucky, “So, are you ok?”

“Yeah, I guess. I don’t get the big deal; some country doctor’s going to know what to do with a super soldier’s battle wounds?”

“I think TJ’s just seeing that you’re ok. I also think you’re humoring him, and grouching to me about it. How was the ride?”

“It wasn’t so bad. He’s fun to be with.”

“You like him.”

“I thought I said as much yesterday. You do too, I’ve seen you watching him. Maybe he’s what you’ve been waiting for, he’s not me, he’s not a younger me, he’s very different than I ever was.”

“Bucky,” Steve breathed. “It’s not like that at all. I told Nat something today that I feel I should have told you 70 years ago.” Steve stopped and sighed. “But I didn’t know back then what it was. I thought something was wrong with me. I cursed the serum for not fixing it, and I kept putting you off because, not only did I think I was broken somehow, I thought I’d lose you because of it.”

“What could you have possibly imagined I’d let you go over?” Bucky looked at Steve, who stood stoically at the foot of the bed.

“You have to know that I don’t think I’m broken or that I need to be fixed anymore. I’m actually relieved. When I read and realized that I was…” He stopped, rubbing the back of his neck and looking at the floor. He took another deep breath and looked up at Bucky, “When I realized that I _am_ asexual, I felt like I finally understood myself.”

“That’s all? You’re standing there fidgeting like you’re about to propose over that?”

“Well that’s just great. I tell you something important and you call it “ _that_ ”.” Steve said, exasperated, but amused. “It doesn’t matter?”

“No. God no. It makes so much sense.”

“Well, I don’t know about that.” Steve smiled, “You can see how nothing could work out with TJ. I’m happy to cheer you on, he likes you.”

“No, I can’t see how “nothing could work out”. He’s kind. You deserve kindness. He’s a person, Steve. He’s so much more than sex…”

“He likes you.”

Bucky stood up, put his hand on Steve’s shoulder, and then moved it up to his neck, pulling him into a hug. “I like you.”

Steve stood with his hands at his sides, tears pricking his eyes, before putting his arms around Bucky and embracing him in the hug. “God, I’ve missed this.” Steve said into Bucky’s hair. “You like _him_ too.”

TJ made the mistake of walking in unannounced. He thought, as he stepped through the door, that he should have warned two soldiers before barging in. He saw them in their emotional embrace and heard Bucky say to Steve, “I like him too.”

Yana didn’t budge from her spot on the foot of the bed, TJ was tempted to back out and close the door, but the questions in his head swirled and landed on the right one, “Is everything ok?”

Steve looked up from, but didn’t pull out of, the hug. “Yeah, come in. We’re just taking care of something long overdue.”

“The doc’s ready when you are. Both docs, actually.”

Bucky pulled away, turning to check to see if TJ was as calm as his voice indicated. Their talk of “buying” a drink was still something he wanted, he wanted all of this, _his_ Steve, something new, he wanted more things, more passionately than he’d wanted anything in a long time. “Could you – close the door TJ. I want to talk to you. To both of you.”

Steve sat in the chair by the window, curious, while TJ closed the door behind him.

“Sure, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing – God I hope nothing – I… I like you TJ, I think I like you a helluva lot. I want to do the drinks thing, like we talked about. I want to get to know you, especially if I get the chance and the freedom to do so. Problem is, I’ve loved Steve for my whole life, and I want to get to know him again too.”

Steve realized what Bucky was trying to say, “TJ, I can’t… I mean… no that’s right, I _can’t_ give Buck everything he needs. I _could_ do the things he wants, but I… Damn, this was easier to say before.” Steve stopped, exasperated with his embarrassment over the topic. He took a deep breath, “OK. I’m asexual. I could _do_ the things a partner wanted, but I’m…”

“I don’t think he was even very comfortable with the blowjobs, TJ. I think, what we’re both stumbling over is _he likes you_ , I like you. Could you date an amputee and an asexual superhero?”

“At the same time?” TJ smiled, the tightening in his chest loosening up, he couldn’t believe he was getting choked up over the awkward and adorable pair of idiots. “I would absolutely date either of you… or both, you said ‘ _and_ ’ you meant both?”

“He meant both.” Steve said, leaning forward in his chair. TJ thought he looked ready to bolt. He crossed the space and put his hand tentatively on Steve’s shoulder. “I mean both.” Steve continued.

TJ looked back and forth between them, feeling like he was at a tennis match while the implication settled, “I would love to get to know both of you better. God, can you imagine the fuss that people will have seeing the three of us out in public? Shit, are you coming out?”

“I am. It’s time.” Steve said, looking up into TJ’s sparkling gray eyes. “But not before these two get looked at, and we talk to your mom. I’m going to go downstairs and get that started. Where are we buying drinks later?”

“The kitchen. Most of the people here are going to leave when mom does, there’s nothing else nearby, and I think we could use a little down time.”


	8. Chapter 8

Steve stepped out of the bedroom, feeling perhaps a little younger, and more optimistic, than he could remember in what seemed like forever. He let the doctor and the vet know they could go in, and he half-jogged down the stairs. About halfway down he remembered the swarm of secret service that was there, and slowed his pace.

“They’re just going in now, I’m sure we can start this conversation without them.” Steve said when Elaine looked at him. He could still remember the feel of Bucky’s arm around him, and it was reassuring.

Nat looked up and smiled, it was plain to see that whatever he’d talked to Bucky about, he felt even better than when he’d talked to her. “So, we were _already_ talking about it. President Barrish has news for us, and I think? I think she’s going to wait until James is done.”

“I was, but I see curiosity has turned to worry. Steve… I have the damnedest time calling you that instead of ‘Captain’. Steve, since everything happened with The Accords, I’ve been working with King T’Challa to gain the support of other nations who didn’t opt to sign them, as well as talking with the leaders of many who did. You should be aware that since they were never signed and ratified, they were never a law to break."

Elaine and Nat both witnessed the tension visually drain from his body, but a cautious optimism was still in play.

"Although neither of you, or _any of_ the other Avengers, is in violation of any laws, you will still be held accountable for damages in Leipzig. I _believe_ we’ve gotten that down to financial reparations only though, and I’ve been made aware that Mr. Stark and King T’Challa have worked together to take care of that.

"As for James, King T’Challa called me as soon as he was informed that James was missing. He was very concerned for his safety, being hunted by bounty hunters, and because nobody could be certain what his state of mind was. His triggers _were_ successfully removed, but he reacted so quickly and so erratically fresh out of the procedure, that they weren’t sure how long he would be in that disoriented state. I immediately employed people to look for him. People who were obviously less capable than the two of you and my son, but then again, searching an entire planet is going to take a lot of talent.

"James is free to move about within the United States and Wakanda, and bounties are still being dropped in several countries. There are still arguments in many countries for James to stand trial, if that’s where things end up, Bud _will_ handle all of his legal needs, ensuring the best legal counsel. I’m pleased to say that he’s already traveling the globe talking to the leaders of countries who were affected by Hydra under the hands of the Winter Soldier. King T’Challa has been a staunch supporter of James since we started our communications right after James was placed in his care, and has been lobbying alongside Bud. James is not out of the woods yet, but I am confident we’re headed the right direction.”

“With someone as gifted as Bud Hammond, and as pragmatic as T’Challa, I’m sure I can convince Bucky that he’s got a pretty good chance.” Steve smiled.

“Now, what can you tell me about his relationship with my son?” Elaine asked, a little twinkle hiding behind the concern in her eyes.

“I think they like each other.” Steve said honestly. “I don’t know what they talked about on the drive here, but they’ve spent about three and a half hours on the road together.”

“Most of last night was James sleeping, so more like an hour and a half.” Nat said from her chair by the window. “and when they slept together.”

“Funny Nat.” Steve fought a smile, the president’s features were hardly discernible, but he thought that maybe he saw a twitch near her eye and it could have been exasperation or humor. “Honestly, Madam President, what TJ and Bucky do, or don’t do, is up to TJ to announce.”

“You’re right. It’s just that as a mother, I worry.”

“Yes, but worry isn’t a ticket to someone’s life. Let him make his choices. He’s been doing really well for some time.”

* * *

TJ sat on the bed, scratching Yana’s ears while the vet looked her over, watching the looks on the vet’s face as he manipulated her leg and paw. He looked at Bucky, who was stretched out across the bed, sitting propped up at the headboard. The doctor had looked at his wounds and determined that they were well cleaned, and didn’t look two days old, but two weeks. Shaking his head, he’d left the room, ordering Bucky to rest.

Bucky met TJ’s gaze, he listened as the vet talked to the dog, and as he explained what he was doing and that he wanted to get some pictures.

“Do it. We can bring her to the office, once the Imperial Stormtroopers have gone, we can come in. Do you think it’s broken?”

“It could be. I’m concerned about this malformation, it could be from a bad break, congenital, or it could be a tumor.”

“What’s the worst case scenario?” TJ asked, not able to look away from the stricken look on Bucky’s face.

“Worst case is that it’s a tumor, bone cancer. We’d have to do some tests to make sure that it hasn’t spread. There’s more than one reason to consider amputation a possibility, let’s get the pictures first. I don’t want to misdiagnose her.”

“Bucky? We could send her with the doc and pick her up. She’d be ready to go when we get there, if that’s ok? I trust Dr. Bates. She’s in good hands.”

The last thing Bucky wanted was to be separated from Yana, but a long-term, or even permanent separation was even more frightening. “Ok. If you trust him. I want her back tonight.”

TJ sighed hearing the last bit as a threat. He touched Bucky’s ankle, “she’ll be home tonight as long as it’s safe for her to be. You don’t think it would be so urgent she couldn’t come home?”

“I’m confident you’ll have her back here this afternoon.” Dr. Bates said with a smile.

Bucky looked at TJ, dreading saying ‘yes’, wanting to scream ‘no’, instead saying, “It’s for my girl. I have to be strong for her this time.”

“You remember what I said, Yana’s going to be taken care of. You’ll be with her all the way, I’ll make sure of it, somehow.”

“You can walk her down to the car, and come over to the office as soon as you’re done.” Dr. Bates said, packing up his things.

Bucky followed the doctor, with Yana at his knee. She leaned on him when he stopped at the top of the stairs, and he crouched to bury his face in her neck. “You’re going to get checked out, and I’m going to miss you, but I’ll see you in just a little bit, be strong Яночка.”

Yana kissed Bucky’s face, and he found the strength to stand up again, and to lead her down the stairs. Bucky picked the leash up from the coffee table and fastened it to her collar, barely glancing in Steve’s direction and wishing he hadn’t. The concern was clear and he had to fight tears. He looked away and followed the doctor and TJ out to the porch. Bucky waited at TJ’s side while he communicated their movements to the guard at the door.

Steve crossed the space quickly, stopping in the doorway, watching Bucky take Yana to the vet’s car, and watching helplessly as Bucky’s shoulders dropped once the car door was between him and his beloved dog.

TJ put his hand on Bucky’s shoulder and walked back in with him, “She’s got to have some x-rays done. They should be finished by the time we are.” TJ explained upon seeing the curiosity and concern on Steve’s face.

Steve laid his hand tenderly on Bucky’s neck, “She’ll be fine, and we’re here for you if you need anything. You got that?”

“Thanks.” Bucky sighed, covering Steve’s hand with his. “Let’s get this over with. Promise me, whatever happens, you will help TJ keep her happy.”

Elaine crossed the space and Steve stepped aside, “James, you’ll be able to do that yourself. Come sit down so I can explain what I’ve been telling Steve and Natasha. The sooner I tell you, the sooner you can be with her.”

Bucky took the offered hand of the President, the irony that his had once been the hands that had taken so many lives not lost on him. He let her lead him to the sofa and sat beside her when she encouraged him to sit. He didn’t want this kind of attention, and when he looked around, he realized that Steve and Nat must have foreseen that, and had walked across the room to talk about other things, Sam’s name and Clint’s name were picked out before he returned his attention to Elaine Barrish. He could see TJ out of the corner of his eye, sitting in the chair where Nat had been, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He supposed he had the most privacy one could have in the presence of the president.

Elaine started from the beginning, taking her time to explain and to answer TJ's and Bucky's questions. It took Elaine longer to get through the details with Bucky than it had when she was explaining things to Steve and Nat while he was upstairs having his heart ripped out. Bucky listened with shock at the words as she told him. This particular news helped with his inner turmoil. Once again, he felt a weird tug, not unlike that of a wound stitching itself together.

“I don’t know what to say.” He finally said, as Elaine finished explaining everything. “I… I don’t think I deserve so many high-profile people defending me. I… I’m afraid to utter the words aloud, of things I’m responsible for, in front of people whose job it is to see me laid out, or dead for exactly that. But I did do them. I don’t understand how it is that I’m being defended for those things by someone as gifted as your husband.”

“TJ tells me you prefer to be called Bucky, may I?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Bucky, I know your heart is holding you responsible because you know you were there, you remember some and others you have concrete proof that you were responsible, but that doesn’t mean you weren’t used as a weapon. Bud and I have taken into consideration your inability to consent to the things you were made to do, there’s no way we _can’t_ support you. Of course I can’t get further involved given my position and your relationship with TJ, but Bud has assured me he knows the perfect legal team. Bucky, what my _ex-husband does_ , on his own, is his business. Let me assure you he knows his business.”

“She’s right Bucky. I wouldn’t trust him to open his mouth at a Pride event, without alienating the entire crowd, but I’d trust him legally with anything you could throw at him.” TJ said, leaning forward in his chair.

“His choices of phrasing things are – well – offensive, but he’s not restricted in what he can say, and I guarantee you, there’s a little bit of a need for offense right now.” Elaine offered Bucky a reassuring smile. “I want you to know, in addition to being legally able to move about, you’re welcome to stay here as long as you need to. King T’Challa is waiting for your return so that they can finish installing your prosthetic. Anything you need between now and then, and beyond, really. Bud and my mother are sponsoring you until your case is cleared up.”

TJ sat up straight, looked from his mom, to Steve, and back to Bucky. He had no idea that was even a consideration “Mom, you’re not making this up? Nana? That’s – wow. Bucky, this is one of the best places to recover from just about anything.”

“With that, I want to talk to _you_ for just a minute in the kitchen, TJ, and then I’ll leave you all to do just that, recover.” Elaine rose from her seat, Bucky, the gentleman stood as well, and TJ nearly leapt up, wanting whatever kitchen discussion over with so he could accompany Bucky to Dr. Bates’ animal clinic.

In the kitchen, TJ poured lemonade into glasses just for something to do with his hands while he watched, waiting for her to pounce.

“Relax.” Elaine said with a fond smile as she stood on the other side of the island. She took a glass from him and sipped, “I’m sorry we didn’t stick by you on the arrest. I’ve had a while to calm down from the frustration of it all, and I acted badly, again. You swore to me it wasn’t yours, and I’m choosing to…”

“Mom.” TJ interrupted, “It might have been. Two years ago, I was having a really hard time, and I hooked up with this guy and we were going to – but it didn’t happen.” TJ sighed, “I think that’s where it came from. I want you to know that I wasn’t drunk or high in that traffic stop though. God I usually don’t care anymore what people think, or choose to believe but I really want you to believe that. I need you to, because what have to tell you next might make you crazy.”

“Almost nothing you could tell me would surprise me. You’re interested in him, aren’t you?”

“I told both Bucky and Steve I would like to get to know them better.” there, he did shock her. Much to his delight.

“This sounds like a conversation between the four of us that might be better to have over dinner. _After_ you and I have a discussion over lunch.”

“As long as these discussions and conversations aren’t code words for “lectures” I’m sure I’m looking forward to them.” TJ said, watching her reaction; a reluctant smile and warm gaze, and he smiled in return.

“You have to hug me again before I go.” Elaine said, rounding the island, “I’ve already told Steve I'm leaving protection. Don’t worry, you’ll have privacy.”

“Mom.” TJ rolled his eyes. “It’s not like that.”

“Not yet.” She smiled, pulling him to her. “You be careful. I don’t like the idea of leaving you where people are still looking for him.”

“I’m safer with him, even with one arm, I’m sure. Besides, you’ll know where I am, who I’m with, and that’s better than someone who resembles Bucky running around out there unprotected.”

“You’re right. Thank you for that, it will make things a little easier. Your father will probably call later, I’ll see if he can give everyone a day or two. He’s going to want to talk to Bucky and to Steve most likely.”

“I’ll let them know. Have him text me to see if it’s a good time. I’ll answer, I promise.”

“I love you Thomas, do me another favor, and answer when I call too.”

“Of course.” TJ hugged his mom tight, “I love you too Momma.”


	9. Chapter 9

TJ stood in the open doorway watching as the parade left. He turned to see Bucky at his shoulder, and touched his arm, “you ready? We can head over right now.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“Overwhelmed?” TJ asked.

“Yeah." Bucky sighed. "I just want to bring her back.”

“Ok, let’s go. We can take the pickup, it’s bigger, and more of us will fit.”

“I’m going to go have a catnap. You boys go on ahead.” Nat told them, with a catlike stretch.

TJ realized she looked like she could probably use one, but he wasn't going to say anything to her about that, and maybe they all could at this point.

“Ok. If that fails, there’s snacks and stuff in the fridge. Thanks Nat.” TJ said, “Steve? Were you going to stay or come along?”

“Buck?” Steve left the decision to Bucky, waving to Nat when she slipped upstairs.

“Yeah, come, please?” Bucky said, starting out the door after TJ. “I need you there.”

Steve followed Bucky and TJ to the yard. Thinking about how much things had shifted since their talks in Wakanda, and Bucky's time alone. He climbed up into the back seat of the large, shiny red, extended cab pickup once Bucky was inside, glad that he was not only a desired confidant, but welcome company.

The ride was about fifteen minutes of silence, aside from the sounds of gravel hitting the underside of the truck, and some country music playing at a low volume on the radio. He could confess in a run-on sentence that he was asexual but he couldn’t figure out what words to use to comfort Bucky in his fear.

They pulled into the wide drive of the little white building, and Bucky spoke, “I can’t lose her. I’ve lost so much, so many things weren’t my choice, and this is just another one.”

“You have as much say as anyone in this Buck. Do you want us involved?” Steve asked.

“Yes, god yes. I can’t do _this_ alone. I’ve never been so frightened.”

“We don’t know the diagnosis yet, if it is cancer, do you want to fight it?” TJ asked.

“Yes. Unless it means she suffers for nothing.”

“Can you live with a three-legged dog?” TJ asked with a mischievous grin.

“If I couldn’t, I’d be a pretty big hypocrite, wouldn’t I?” Bucky managed a watery smile.

“OK, so our sole choice right now is to walk into the clinic and listen. Are you ready?” Steve asked, reaching for the door handle.

Bucky opened his door slowly, “Yeah. I’m ready to see my girl. Everything else, one step at a time.”

TJ hopped down from the truck and walked around to the passenger side. “We’ve got this. Then when we come out, no matter what we hear in there, I want you to take a breath of free, fresh, safe country air.”

“She’s ok in there. You’re with friends and this is going to work out.” Bucky heard Steve behind him. He climbed down from the truck and followed TJ up the stone walk to the clinic.

A young woman with a bright smile met them from behind a desk, “Dr. Bates is looking at her pictures right now, he said so send you right back. Come with me. Yana has been such a good girl. She was perfectly stoic and still for her xrays and she loved her bath. She got extra treats for being so good during her blow dry, and she even sat up and begged for more de-wormer because she thought that was a treat too, she’s a character.”

"You did all that? Already?" Bucky felt like he breathed for the first time, hearing kind words referring to his Yana as she was to him, a character.

"Yes, she's probably still a bit on the damp side, but we got her blown and combed, she really likes to be brushed."

"The talk did go a little long," TJ said, as he pressed a reassuring hand on the small of Bucky's back, "Good to know you were both preoccupied to not realize it. Let's go see her."

Bucky was the first to step into the exam room where Dr. Bates was looking over images while Yana wandered, until she saw Bucky and head-butted his thigh. He crouched and kissed her, “I’m here, I know. Did you beg everyone for treats? Have you had an adventure? Look how beautiful you are.”

“Come in, sit or stand, whatever works. I have really good news and some not so exciting news at the same time. It’s not cancer. What we have is an old, really bad series of breaks that weren’t treated, and healed poorly. She’s in pain, and I'm afraid _that_ won’t get better, will probably get worse. If we amputate, she’ll be nearly as good as new.”

“She’s fine though, I mean, healthy?” Bucky worked really hard not to pin a threatening glare on the doctor, who’d been nothing but kind, he felt like maybe threatening someone wouldn’t be the best way to keep Yana healthy. He processed the information quickly, “Doc, do you think the surgery will be safe enough?”

Steve stood behind Bucky on his right, with his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. TJ was seated in the chair to Bucky’s left absently petting Yana’s ear, his hand bumping Bucky’s every once in a while, as Bucky stroked Yana’s big head.

“She’s healthy, I’d do a dental cleaning while she’s under but other than that, this girl had a rough physical start, but should have many years left. The surgery is safe. Of course, there are always risks, but if you can keep her contained, make sure she’s in a warm place, and give her a chance to heal, she’ll bounce back like there’s never been a problem. She might even surprise you when she’s pain free.”

“She’s got a warm place, anywhere she wants to be at the farm, Doc.” Bucky rose from his crouched position, “How soon does it have to be done?”

“It’s not urgent, and you can give her a pill for pain when she seems to need it, they’re tasty so keep them where she can’t get them. Considering it’s not an emergency, I have an opening two weeks from now, if you’d like to schedule it before you leave.”

“I’d like to. TJ? Is that ok?” Bucky wanted to just say ‘yes’, knew he probably should, but felt he had to ask.

“Of course. Doc, I can set up the appointment and payment before we go, right?”

“Sure can TJ. Bucky, I found nothing wrong with Yana. I took some samples, it’s routine and they should be fine, on the off chance that there’s anything, I’ll let you know in a few days. You’re good to go.”

Bucky stepped aside for the doctor to leave the exam room. He turned into Steve’s arms and felt TJ’s wrap around his waist from behind.

“You ok?” Steve asked quietly.

Bucky stood silent in the embrace of both men, thinking how warm it was, how soft and firm and strong he felt at the same time, being held by two completely different people and feeling relief instead of cold, bitter dread.

“Yeah. Better really. Too much though. It’s too much.”

Steve moved to step away, but Bucky’s grasp tightened.

“Not this.” Bucky clarified, “everything else.”

TJ kissed the back of Bucky’s neck, “Let’s go back to the farm, I know someplace we can all wind down from the information overload.”

Bucky was shocked by the kiss, not upset, but completely unfamiliar. All of this physical contact was unfamiliar after decades in ice and under forced solitude. He closed his eyes and waited for it to drop away and reality to take him back to a cold room.

Yana nudged his hip and whined. She lightly and repeatedly pushed against him until he dropped his hand from around Steve’s waist to her head. “I’m ok sweet girl. Let’s go for a ride.”

“You sure you're ok?” Steve asked before stepping back.

“Yeah. Started getting a little caught up in the shit, but she’s – completely untrained – she’s still got my number.”

Steve stepped aside to let everyone out of the exam room, following Bucky outside while TJ made the appointment. “He doesn’t know what he’s getting into.” Bucky said when he felt Steve at his side.

“We’ll tell him, over the next few days, not today. He seems to have a pretty good idea what you need, don’t count him out.”

“Do you know?” Bucky wanted to be clear, he didn't know what demons Steve battled, but had a good idea what some might be, he wondered if Steve knew what  _he_ was getting into.

“I know we’ve both seen things, feel things, we have nightmares and little horrifying day-trips. I know we’re adjusting, you more than even me. I know what you were put through, only from reading about it though. She doesn’t know either, but look at her, signing up, volunteering.”

“I’m surrounded by idiots.” Bucky laughed, it wasn’t a joyful sound, but it wasn’t an angry laugh either. “I sure know how to pick ’em.”

“Who’s an idiot?” TJ asked, coming up to the pickup.

“You are. And I am. Yana too.” Steve said, “You want the front or the back Buck?”

“I’ll sit with Yana.” Bucky said, touching her head lightly, scratching between her eyes. Once inside the truck, Bucky couldn’t resist a laugh. “She’s going to lose a limb, and I’ll be getting one back. The universe really does believe in quid pro quo.”

“Maybe there’s a doggy version.”

“Not even funny Steve. The process to get it in place would be torture for her. She’ll romp around perfectly happy with three. I’ll love her as much as I already do.”

“You’ll love her even more.” TJ said from the driver’s seat. “She looks so happy.”

“She should be, I think she charmed them out of treats.” Bucky said with a besotted smile.

The drive back to the farm was far more pleasant, Bucky sat curled on the seat in the back with Yana practically on top of him, he held his arm around her chest, nudging her neck with his chin every once in a while. TJ and Steve talked about previous meetings at social functions, and laughed about things Bucky could imagine, but had no practical knowledge of. He liked it. He could listen to them talk and laugh for hours, he thought. That Steve was more socially advanced than Bucky was struck him as ironic. “So, does he dance?” Bucky found himself asking.

“I don’t know? Do you dance Steve?”

“I’ve been dragged onto the dance floor a time or two.” Steve admitted.

“What? You didn’t dance before?”

“I didn’t. I was easy to overlook.”

“Don’t let him fool you, he’s always been beautiful.” Bucky said through dog kisses.

TJ smiled at Steve’s blush, he couldn’t disagree, he’d seen the history books, he’d learned about Captain America and Steve Rogers, he’d learned about all of the Howling Commandos, including (and especially) Sergeant James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes. A War Hero. His father’s favorite War Hero. But Bucky was right, Steve had always been beautiful.

TJ pulled the pickup into the drive, stopping for the minimal guard his mother had insisted on leaving. “Stan, I see you can’t get rid of me after all.” TJ smiled.

“No sir. Go on ahead. Have a nice afternoon.” The address was short, but TJ didn’t miss the fond smile on the man’s face.

TJ waved and turned down a side path, pulling the pickup up to the large barn doors. “Ok. Here we are. A place of peace, just as I promised.”

* * *

TJ hopped out of the truck and opened the back door. Yana waited for Bucky to tell her to go. The command wasn’t immediate, which was a red flag for both Steve and TJ. They would let him come around to all of the stimulation and change at his own pace. TJ knew this was the perfect spot, after all, he _knew_ it had been swept before his mother arrived, so it was safe, and it was his own safe place, so he was convinced Bucky could find some solace there too.

“I should have asked, any bad memories or experiences around a barn?” TJ asked, waiting for Yana to climb down.

“No, no, nothing like that. I’m – it’s interesting?” Bucky said, clucking his tongue and watching as Yana jumped down from the truck. TJ stood holding the door, and Bucky followed.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” TJ asked quietly, even though he was sure that Steve could hear him, and was just as concerned.

“Yeah, I’m… No. I’m exhausted, emotionally drained. I’m overwhelmed with all of the people I’ve been in contact with in two days, more than in months on an average, but I **_don’t_** want to be alone.”

Steve came around the pickup, standing several feet away, “How much company _do_ you want?”

“This is fine.” Bucky followed TJ into the barn, and watched him spread a canvas tarp over a mound of hay. Yana stuck by Bucky’s side but looked up at him for direction. He signaled that she could lie down, so she followed TJ to the center and tamped down a spot just for her. Bucky took TJ’s offered hand and stepped into the pile. He released TJ’s hand and sat with Yana on his left side.

“Lie back. Trust me.” TJ promised, sitting on Yana’s other side. Steve waited to see where everyone wound up. TJ held a hand out, daring, encouraging him to take it. Steve stepped forward, gripping TJ’s hand in his, Bucky patted the space next to him, and now Steve had to make a choice.

Steve knelt in front of both of them, taking each man’s hands into his own.  He considered his options, knowing Bucky was probably the most in need, he chose to sit on Bucky’s open side and the three of them lay back against the cushioning mound of straw.

“Close your eyes.” TJ said quietly, “Tell me the furthest animal you hear and then the closest.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Bucky said, closing his eyes anyway. “Yana’s the closest.”

“Bucky’s the closest.” Steve laughed.

“Outside the barn then.” TJ said, sounding exasperated. “Nice one Steve.”

“Nice one?” Bucky asked, affronted. “He clearly broke the rules.”

“Rules?” Steve asked, looking at the beams in the barn’s ceiling, considering sketching them from this angle. He’d have time to do that, staying put in a nice, safe, warm place for at least a few weeks, getting Bucky’s dog back on her three feet.

“He said ‘animal’.”

“What are you, if not an animal? A vegetable? A mineral?”

“I could almost say yes. There’s some yes left here.” Bucky pointed at the area of metal on his shoulder. “Mineral.”

“Oh my _god_.” TJ laughed, the gleeful, yet embarrassed kind of laugh you give to a really horrible joke.

“Be glad he didn’t say vegetable.” Steve said, cringing at his own cruel humor.

“I could have, but those were different times.”

“Why do I get the feeling you two are _not_ talking dirty?”

“Because we’re not. Hydra had some really terrifying ways of getting me to do their dirty work. I can’t believe you went there Stevie. I’m proud of you.”

“I knew you would be.” Steve said quietly, bumping his hand along the edge of Bucky’s hand.

Bucky clasped Steve’s hand and smiled. “OK, closest animal, outside the barn. There’s a bird on the roof.”

“There’s a mouse in the grass.” Steve countered. “The grass is roughly ten feet away; this barn stands at least 16 feet tall.”

“Who is really hearing mice in the grass ten feet away?”

“We are.” Bucky said, turning to look at TJ. “Yana is.”

“I’m with a dog and two mutants.” TJ muttered. “I did hear the bird. He’s not quiet. Ok, everybody quiet, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and listen for the animal farthest away.”

Bucky complied, after a long silence, Steve looked over at TJ, who winked and smiled as he put a finger over his lips. Moments later, Bucky was asleep.

“How’d you know?” Steve asked quietly.

“I used to have nightmares. Grandpa Hammond brought me out here one day when I was particularly upset, and moody, and he did what I just did. The nearby animals were always easy, but the far away ones, I’d guess and guess until he’d finally tell me I was trying too hard. He told me to close my eyes, take a deep breath, and listen. I’d listen, not wanting to guess again just to be told to try harder, so I’d just listen. Every once in a while he’d say “you’re thinking too hard, stop thinking and listen.” And as I ‘listened’, I fell asleep. It was years before I caught on to his ploy, even though when I needed to check myself, I’d come out here and I _thought_ I was challenging myself to find the furthest animal, but what I was doing was just relaxing.”

“I’m glad he found you, or you found him. Not just because I know he’s safe, but because you’ve been… TJ, nobody has worked so hard in his interests, just for him as a person, in a very, very long time. I know you had to be angry being dragged into this, so thank you for sticking it out.”

“I was hurt, being lied to. I understand, I think the approach was Nat’s, because you’re too straightforward. She and I have talked about it. I helped Bucky before I knew I was being played. I saw he was hurt, and would have helped no matter what. I did it because _he_ asked me. If he hadn’t begged for Yana’s safety, I probably would have called ‘911’ and left as soon as he was seen to safety. I helped Bucky because of Bucky. There’s nothing to thank me for.”

“Just that.” Steve said, “Helping him, of everything else, that’s what I’m most grateful for.”

“He looks smaller, somehow, sleeping.” TJ said, turning to his side to look at Steve.

Steve smiled. It was soft and wistful. “I’ve missed him, so much. Today’s been… I don’t want to say tough…”

“Emotional.” TJ supplied. “I mean you just came out to your childhood sweetheart.”

“It’s not the same.”

“What? Nothing’s ever quite the same, of course you’re both different.”

“No, I mean, coming “out” as asexual to someone who thought you were gay, or I don’t know, bisexual even, isn’t the same as coming out as queer to someone who doesn’t have any idea you’re anything other than straight.”

“Any time you step up and claim a part of you that you think might be controversial to someone else, is a moment of strength. And that strength takes energy. I think emotional energy might be immune to the serum, so you’re drained because it doesn’t bounce back like physical energy.”

“You’ve thought a lot about this?”

“No,” TJ laughed softly, “not much at all, it just came to me. I guess my parents’ gift of gab is rearing its head.”

“What was it like for you? Coming out?”

“Ugly. Very public and very, very frightening.” TJ stroked Yana’s fur as she pushed her paw against him, shoving her spine along Bucky’s side. “I was a kid, and it was so painful to be publicly outed before I was ready.”

“I’m sorry TJ.”

“Thanks. You know you have nothing to apologize for.”

“I know, but…”

“I like to think that it was worth something to someone else, it makes the memory not as hard to bear. I hear from people my age and younger that my coming out – it looked different from the outside – made it easier for them to accept their own sexuality, and some said it made it easier to come out to their own families. I’ve heard so many times “I always wanted to fuck you” and I used to capitalize on it ruefully. Even though I’ve heard “you made it easier” or “you saved my life”, much less frequently, those made up for _so much_ of the pain. They definitely tip the scales over the ones who just wanted to ‘be _with_ the First Openly Gay First Son’.”

“You’re a hero TJ.” Steve offered it in a teasing nature, but he really did mean it. “Will you help me? When I come out publicly, will you help me with the forum?”

“Of course, are you sure you want to do that?”

“Yes. You just said it. It will be worth something to someone else. It will ease the hearts of so many, knowing they’re not broken, and it will give strength to people. I thought something was wrong with me for so long.”

“Was it modern thinking that made you realize otherwise?”

“It took forever for it to sink in. The serum didn’t “fix” it, which didn’t click for the longest time, when it did, when I had a word for it and thought really hard about everything; it finally hit me that you can’t fix something that isn’t broken. I was short, skinny, crooked from scoliosis, I was nearly deaf in one ear, my vision was questionable and colors were a concept only, I couldn’t breathe right on a clear day, and my heart was weak. It fixed _all_ of that – but not my sexuality – which means nothing was ever defective in that regard.”

“I have to tell you, coming from a guy who came to terms with his sexuality half-a-lifetime ago, your words just punched me in the gut. Jesus, you’re right, coming out will make a shit-ton of people feel better about themselves. People are going to hate you too, you know.”

“I know. Some already do, what’s a few more? If one person tells me they hate me, and two people smile the way you just did, feeling that gut-punch, I’m going to be fine. Tipping the scales TJ.”

“To tipping the scales.” TJ smiled. He was going to like dating these two men. “So, my mother wants to ‘have a conversation’ over dinner, the four of us. But not after she and I ‘have a discussion’ over lunch. I think she’s figured out our little trio.”

“She’s a smart woman, and very observant.”

“And probably wants to try to convince me I’m making a mistake. It will be a coup for a reporter, Bisexual ex-Assassin, Gay First Son, and Asexual Superhero dating. What kind of headlines will they come up with? Do you think we can do better and maybe capitalize on it on our own for a change?”

“Maybe she wants to be sure you’re aware of that and offer help? You did say your lunch precedes the dinner invitation.”

“Yeah, I’m trying to stay positive.”

Steve reached across Bucky and put his hand on top of TJ’s where it rested on Yana’s ribs, “Whatever happens, just remember that your mom really does care about you.”

“I know she does. I wish she’d learn how to do it with a little less judgment. I’m finally shaping up into a guy I like, and that guy isn’t as superficially arrogant. I have been making smarter choices, and this might seem like a second childhood rebellion to her, but… We’re not exactly having an orgy here.”

Steve laughed so hard he worried he’d wake Bucky; he tightened his hand on TJ’s “Thanks for that TJ.”

TJ moved his hand, lacing his fingers with Steve’s, “you’re welcome, I guess.” TJ smirked, “Not even sure what that would entail, so much queer going on between the three of us.”

“I’m not sure either.”

“What’s off the table? Bucky said you probably didn’t enjoy the blowjobs, is that true?”

“I guess if pressed, I could take-em or leave-em. I just wanted to feel the way he did, you know? I mean now, I can see I wanted to ‘feel normal’. But no, I’m not particularly interested.”

“Was there ever anything you _did_ like?”

“People don’t tend to touch me. I really didn’t think I gave off ‘keep your distance’ vibes, but people do. I like this, your hands are gentle and soft. Bucky used to touch my skin and it was like being enveloped in cool silk or being lapped by warm waves. I like being touched. I enjoy kissing, I end up pretty nervous kissing girls I like, it never fails.”

“Can I kiss you?” TJ asked, sitting up.

Steve sat to meet TJ over the top of a miraculously still sleeping Bucky. Yana moved her head to see what they were up to, but closed her eyes when Steve released TJ’s hand and brought his to TJ’s neck. The hairs on TJ’s neck tickled Steve’s hand. TJ tentatively kissed Steve, when Steve didn’t pull away, TJ’s tongue tickled between Steve’s warm, full, pink lips. Steve returned the gesture, pulling TJ closer. TJ linked his fingers behind Steve’s neck scratching the scruff of hair behind Steve’s ears with his thumbs.

TJ pulled away with a smile, “you kiss very well. Were you nervous?”

Steve’s smile was bashful, his lips glistening and a deeper shade of pink, “No. But you initiated it, I guess that’s my problem.”

“Just think of it as a kiss, not a promise for more. Kissing is a very noble art.”

“You’re a connoisseur?”

“Couldn’t you tell?” TJ smiled, smacking a quick kiss on Steve’s pretty lips before letting his hands fall slowly down Steve’s neck and chest. He sat back in his spot, “Not even a promise or request for more, isn’t that nice?”

“I think it’s going to be fun being with you TJ.”

They both fell back against the canvas-covered straw, looking at the eaves. Bucky woke slowly to stories of kissing, TJ telling about different experiences, and asking Steve about his vastly inferior kiss quota. Bucky reached for Yana, before remembering there wasn’t a limb there to pet her with. Frustrated, he sat up, rolling his shoulders and calling her to his lap.

“Hey, did we wake you?” TJ asked.

“No, I woke up on my own.” Bucky said through a yawn, scratching Yana’s head. “Why are we talking about kissing? Why are we talking about my kissing skills?”

Steve sat up and started to rub Bucky’s shoulders and back, “well, we’ve been talking about all kinds of things, when it came to the topic of what I enjoy physically, we landed on kissing. Your kisses leave a hell of an impression, Barnes.”

“Hmm. I guess I’ll need a refresher, you’re dealing with a compromised memory here. I hope you’re up for the challenge.”

“I didn’t know if you’d be ready, you went from invisible, to emotionally combative, to frozen. Today’s 180 has me confused.”

“I’m sorry. You have to realize, the whole thing, from invisibility to frozen was confusing to me too. I kept my distance out of fear. I **don’t want** to be distant. I used to touch and be touched, and I don’t want that to be something _else_ Hydra succeeds in stealing from me.”

TJ moved next to Steve and nudged him with his shoulder. Steve let TJ take over back-rubbing and settled next to Bucky, bringing his hand to Bucky’s bearded cheek. “Then it’s ok if I kiss you?”

“Jesus, Stevie. I thought you’d never figure it out.” Bucky’s fingers found the short hairs on Steve’s neck and carded through the longer top layers, as Steve’s lips and tongue claimed his. Bucky’s response was slow-coming and lazy, savoring the contact, and the eternally familiar scent and sensation of so many make-out sessions. TJ’s firm hands kneading his muscles and Steve’s sweet kisses were as cathartic as the solid, warm dog across his legs.

When Steve pulled away, their eyes met and he felt time slide away, “Oh Buck, I’ve missed you.” The words rushed on a breath from deep inside of Steve, soft and warm over Bucky’s skin and into his heart.

“I’ve missed you too Steve.”

TJ’s hands stilled, he felt as if he was watching history, but strangely, he didn’t feel like he was an outsider. Bucky’s hand fell from Steve’s hair, and he reached to clasp TJ’s hand where it rested on his shoulder.

“As for you.” Bucky said to TJ, “You kissed him, you should definitely kiss me.”

“Well, I’ve heard you’re pretty adept.” TJ smirked, feeling relieved. He wasn’t exactly sure what ‘as for you’ could have led to. He’d have to stop his habit of having knee-jerk reactions to things if he was going to survive these two.

TJ leaned forward and kissed Bucky’s neck, nibbling lightly over the pulse throbbing against his lips, his hand moved to Bucky’s jaw, turning his face toward him. TJ nipped Bucky’s already kiss-swollen lower lip and kissed the spot. TJ pulled away to move around to Bucky’s right side, threading his fingers through Bucky’s hair and pulling him closer, kissing him straight on and with abandon. Bucky returned the kiss, making soft sounds that were muffled further by TJ’s mouth.

Steve had remained on Bucky’s left side, and his hand had fallen to rest on Bucky’s thigh next to Yana’s head. He watched the two kiss, finding it nearly as beautiful as participating, he itched to draw them together. He didn’t feel awkward as he usually did seeing people on the street with their PDA, it was different being involved, having just kissed both of them. Yes, he did still enjoy kissing, and no, there were no real nerves between him and TJ, and there was still the same old warmth and emotion between him and Bucky. Time didn’t steal that away.

Steve and TJ laughed hearing Bucky’s stomach grumble. “I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s pretty sure he’ll starve to death.” Steve said.

“I am getting hungry.” Bucky said, nuzzling against TJ’s neck.

TJ pulled away, reluctantly. “Let’s go check the kitchen. We should see how Nat’s getting along too. You two up for a walk? It’s not too far to the house. The truck usually parks there anyway.”

“We’ve walked farther, haven’t we Yana?” Bucky answered, “Us too, right Stevie?”

“Yeah. We sure have.” Steve stood and offered both TJ and Bucky a hand up.

“We have her meds if she needs one after the walk. We should probably save them for bedtime unless she’s really hobbling.” TJ said, petting Yana’s head as she walked between the trio.

“I can’t thank you enough for taking such good care of her TJ.”

“Bucky, you don’t have to thank me. She makes it worth it.”

“Thanks for tricking me into sleeping then.” Bucky said, putting his arm across TJ’s shoulders.

“Did you know at the time?” TJ asked, as they stepped out into the late afternoon sun.

“I didn’t. I fell for your deceit.”

“Yeah, it was pretty evil.” TJ chuckled. He grabbed their things from the pickup and locked it, then led the party to the house.


	10. Chapter 10

The walk was short, but Bucky could see that it was getting to Yana by the time they saw the guard at the main walk. He knew the running they’d had to do had been too much for her, yet here she was, supporting him. This dog was teaching him about the nature of goodness, and it was just multiplied by the openness that TJ was showing him. He felt different. A 180 Steve had said, it was that. He’d gone from wanting to deal with things and ‘fix them’ on his own, to hating every second of being alone. It had definitely started with Yana.

When they reached the edge of the main yard, TJ waved to one of the guards, “hey, just us, everything kosher?” The guard nodded briskly as they passed. TJ chuckled. He thought they were so unnecessary.

Bucky saw Natasha in the doorway. She was leaning lazily on the doorjamb. She smiled as they approached. “How’s Яночка?”

“She’s well,” Bucky said proudly.

“But?” Nat asked, putting her hand on his arm.

“She has a series of badly healed breaks, the pain will remain, or we can amputate. She’ll have surgery in two weeks.”

Nat put her arms around Bucky, “I’m so sorry James.” She said sympathetically into his shoulder.

“It’s ok Nataliya, she’ll be fine. I was never worried about her losing a limb. How stupid would that be? I just don’t want her to suffer and I’m really not ready to lose her.”

Nat led Bucky to the couch, “Did the vet speculate whether it was from being hit by a car or something else?”

“He didn’t mention it. I think my gushing over her might have made some things take a back seat.” Bucky said as he sat heavily in the cushions.

TJ and Steve took seats in the chairs near the fireplace. Yana perched on the couch on Bucky’s left side, before lying down on his leg.

“We have medication for her pain,” Bucky added, “she won’t suffer while we wait.”

“Well, that’s what’s important, really.” Nat agreed, “I wondered, with you gone so long.”

“Sorry Nat.” TJ said, “That was my doing. We came back and I took them to the old barn where I thought everyone could unwind. We lost track of time.”

“TJ put me to sleep.” Bucky clarified. “Tricked me with some relaxation game.”

“Guilty.” TJ chuckled. We came home hungry. You didn’t wait for us did you?”

“I did, but only because I wanted to. I’m just starting to get hungry.”

“I’m pretty sure there are meals in the fridge, all we have to do is pop them into the oven, I’ll go check.” TJ said, standing up. He felt tired, but hungry, and just – honestly – wanted to cuddle someone. It had been a hard month culminating in this dramatic day. TJ skirted the large marble countertop on the island, and opened the fridge and freezer doors simultaneously. The freezer was stacked with foil pans, and there was one foil pan in the fridge. TJ took the one from the fridge and turned to set it on the counter, and was startled by Steve standing there.

“Here, I’ll take that.” Steve offered, reading the instructions written on the heavy foil lid.

TJ took two of the top pans from the freezer and stuck them where the one had been in the fridge, then closed the doors.

“You ok TJ?”

“Yeah, I guess the past couple of days are just catching up.” TJ watched Steve put the pan into the oven and turn toward him.

“Anything else?”

“Me? Or the food?”

“You. Can I do anything to help?”

“I wouldn’t say no to a hug, if you’re offering that sort of thing. I mean, unless you don’t want Nat to know.”

Steve stepped closer and wrapped TJ in his arms, “I’m not ashamed of being with you, and Nat would be the first to kick me if I were.”

“I… we haven’t thought this out or talked about it… I don’t know what to offer, or suggest. In an ordinary world we’d date, maybe you and me, maybe Bucky and me, maybe we’d all get together eventually.”

“TJ, in an ordinary world none of this would be happening, but we could still, actually all meet in a bar and go home together on the same night. Or never meet at all. That’s how ordinary works, it’s random.”

TJ pulled away, but only far enough to look Steve in the eye. “I still don’t…”

“Let me ask what you want, instead of you trying to decipher what we expect, or what’s acceptable. Three people together isn’t going to be easily accepted, especially three guys, so stop worrying about acceptance for right now. What do you want?”

“I honestly just want to cuddle. That’s so anti TJ Hammond.”

“Why? Because you have to be all about sex, all the time? I just want that too, cuddling sounds nice.”

“I know.”

“Who’s cuddling?” Nat said from the doorway.

“All of us, if you want.” Steve said, extending an arm to her. “So, have you guessed that I told TJ I wanted to date him and Bucky?”

“I guessed you wanted that, but I hadn’t pegged you for one to open up to it.” Nat answered, curling into the embrace, and putting her arms snugly around both Steve and TJ.

“You’re not surprised?” TJ asked.

“No. We talked about him being interested in you, and Barnes. He thought you might not want him. I’m glad I was right.”

“For that, you’ve earned an invitation to cuddle. Purely platonic, unless you and _James_ have some arrangement.” Steve said with a smirk.

“We do not.” Nat said. “I will ask _James_ if he minds if I join. How long for dinner?”

“About forty minutes.” Steve answered, watching as Nat extracted herself and turned back toward the living room.

“James! Can I cuddle with the three of you?” They heard her asking in a sing-song voice as she switched rooms.

“You’ve started something now.” Steve warned TJ.

“Nataliya, what are you doing?” Stop that.” They heard from the living room. “Just _ask me_ to move. You’re _impossible_.”

“Should we rescue him?” TJ asked with a smirk.

“No, let them bicker. It’s weird, but I like it.”

“What do you like? Their bickering?”

“Yeah, it normalizes both of them, it’s a good thing.”

“STOP THAT. You’re the devil I tell you!” Bucky hollered, laughing.

“Are you sure _that_ is normal?” TJ asked, tucking back into a hug.

“Well? I’m not sure that is. We should definitely check on them.”

The two of them walked toward the living room, stopping to see Nat tickling Bucky.

“Nat – torture is illegal.” Steve said, the authority he was striving for replaced by humor in his voice.

“Tell him to get off the blanket.” Natasha said, blowing a stray strand of hair from her face, and tickling Bucky some more.

“Buck?”

“Sheneverasked!” Bucky giggled, TJ took note of the ticklish spot, cataloging it for later.

TJ smiled, trying to decide whether to intervene, or join in. He figured ganging up on Bucky could be a bad move, so instead he approached the sofa and sat beside Bucky. He put his hands protectively over the tickle zones, and nuzzled Bucky’s neck. “I’m asking.”  TJ said sweetly. “Will you give up the blanket? I think Natty wants to cuddle with us by the fire.”

Nat sat back, looking at the pair, “Did you just call me “Natty”?”

TJ licked his lips, feeling perfectly safe behind Bucky, until he saw the spark in Nat’s eye. He had no doubt she could take him out before Bucky or Steve could react. Standing his ground, certain he knew Natasha better than that, “I did. Isn’t it cute?”

“You’re cute. That’s your one saving grace.” Nat said, pushing at Bucky’s leg with her foot. “Don’t think he could stop me if I wanted to snap you in half.”

TJ’s eyes widened, but he was still banking on [yes what she said was 1000% true] his faith that she wouldn’t really do it. “Oh, I know. I also know you’re messing with me.”

“You sure about that Hammond?”

“I’m certain, Romanoff.” TJ said, grabbing her foot from Bucky’s thigh, and rubbing her toes. “You’re a mean one. Natty.”

“Ok, only you get to call me that. Do you two comprehend? It does _not_ leave this house, and _only_ TJ has permission to do so.”

“You got it Nat.” Steve said with a smirk. He was impressed by TJ’s composure. Nat could literally snap TJ in half, hell, she could possibly do the same to both him and Bucky too.

“Yes ma’am.” Bucky said, registering the moment for what it was. He’d been ready to strike in TJ’s defense until she put her foot on his leg playfully. She’d read him like a book. “Here’s your blanket Nataliya.”

Steve watched as Nat built a nest in front of the fireplace. “Come on boys. Here’s our cuddle pile.”

TJ rubbed Bucky’s shoulders quickly, “You coming? It was my idea, she just got carried away.”

Bucky extricated himself from under Yana’s large head, and got up from the couch, TJ followed to the edge of the blanket where the two super soldiers stood. TJ didn’t wait, claiming the center of the pillow and blanket pile, Nat crawled up to kneel behind him, the two of them sat looking up at Steve and Bucky.

“Not much different from when we were kids.” Steve offered, taking a step into the ring. He held a hand out to Bucky, “C’mon, it’ll be fun. If it gets to be too much for you, I’m sure Yana will let us know, and we can give you space.”

Bucky shrugged, it was true, Yana would do exactly that. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was how much he wanted it. There was “his” Nataliya, and “his” Steve, the two best things in the two worlds that made up most of his life. And now there was this new thing with TJ, so coveted, but could he really have it all?

“I don’t think…” Bucky paused mid-step, “I don’t deserve this.”

Steve faced Bucky, his hands covered Bucky’s bicep and his neck firmly, but tenderly, squeezing in reassurance. “You do Buck. Steve kissed the side of Bucky’s head because he could. “You don’t have to sit with us, but I’d really like it.”

“We all would.” Nat and TJ said at the same time.

Bucky walked to where TJ was standing, and sat next to him, Steve sat down on Bucky’s left, wrapping strong arms around Bucky’s middle, “Is this ok?”

Bucky kissed Steve’s temple, “you should know it is.”

“Yeah, but you spent so much time running, I kinda need your permission.”

“You have it now. Just like earlier.”

Nat rubbed Bucky’s neck and started to braid his hair, “you’re done running now, right James?”

“When are you going to call me Bucky?”

“Oh, do I get to?” Nat asked, tugging the hair in her fingers playfully. “We weren’t formally introduced.”

“You’re such a pain.” Bucky said, looking over his shoulder. “Thank you for taking care of this one for me.”

“I wasn’t doing it for you, but you are welcome. I got used to him, you know, as you do when a stray keeps coming around. He eats too much, but he doesn’t make a mess inside.”

“What? Like I’m some kind of dog?” Steve asked, “Sorry Yana, you’re definitely better than all of us.”

“Yes, some kind of dog.” Nat said. “Golden”

“Labrador” TJ said at the same time.

“Close, some kind of retriever.” Bucky agreed.

“You’re splitting the vote?” TJ asked.

“I am. It could go either way.”

“Guys, I’m not a retriever.” Steve shook his head and rested it on Bucky’s shoulder.

“TJ” Nat put one hand on TJ’s shoulder, “I take it back, you’re right. Thor’s the Golden, Steve’s a Labrador.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” TJ grinned, settling into the pillow pile, watching the flames in the fireplace. Steve moved across both Bucky’s and TJ’s legs, to sit next to TJ.

“You were exposed on this side.” Steve whispered, watching Nat settle in on Bucky’s left. “besides, you’re the one who convened cuddle time.”

“I can’t argue,” TJ smiled when Bucky’s hand found his. “There’s enough room in this cuddle nest for every configuration.”

The heat of the fire and the warmth of two solid bodies against his were comforting for TJ. He stopped trying to translate the quiet conversation that Nat and Bucky were having in Russian, essentially the two catching up and checking in with each other that this new dynamic was ok with each of them. He figured none of it was actually _private_ conversation, considering they knew he understood rudimentary Russian and he assumed Steve understood enough to work through it too. TJ tuned out the words and let the music of the language between them lull him.

The timer startled both TJ and Bucky. Nat patted Bucky on the leg soothingly as she stood up, “just pull it out, right?” she asked the sleepy and relaxed pile of men and one dog.

“Yeah,” Steve yawned, “thanks Nat. Unless you want me to come help?”

“If all I’m doing is pulling it out of an oven, what makes you think I’ll need help?”

“I thought I’d dish it up.”

“Well you didn’t say that, I have to do that too?” Nat teased.

“No, dork. I asked if you wanted help.”

“Stay where you are, I had already planned to dish it up. You’ll all have to come in in a few minutes though. Pretty sure eating in the mountain of pillows and blankets can only lead to disaster.”

“You mean eat at a table like real people do?” Bucky asked, nudging closer to TJ.

TJ put his arms around Bucky. “You ok?” he whispered in Bucky’s ear.

“Yeah, if you did this for me, thanks.”

“I did it for me, actually, but I am happy you joined in.”

Steve rubbed TJ’s back before standing up and offering them both a hand. Bucky frowned up at him, “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“I can, and I’m glad you’re enjoying it. How long do you need?”

“Seventy years.” Bucky pouted. He wasn’t serious, but a little part of him screamed that he was too. He knew this wasn’t normal. This sudden longing to belong was foreign to him, but the warmth was addictive. He didn’t want to budge from the warmth of the fire. He was surrounded by people he once loved. If he were honest, people he still loved, and there was still this new thing with TJ. He was overwhelmed by it all, and he wanted more at the same time.

“Let’s start with one day Bucky, let’s go have dinner together. We can get to know each other, all of us. I have a feeling we’ll have plenty of time for snuggling by the fire.” TJ said, forgetting to resist kissing Bucky’s neck.

TJ reached for Steve’s hand and Bucky did as well, letting him tug him to his feet. TJ left the two in the middle of a hug, as he made his way to the kitchen, “So, what is it we’re eating tonight?”

“Looks like Chicken Parmesan.” Nat answered, piling pasta and the chicken on to a plate.

“Ooh, somebody loves me…” TJ said with a pleasured groan. “Pasta.”

Steve smiled against Bucky’s hair listening to TJ. He’d been surprised when Bucky pulled him roughly into a hug with an “I love you Stevie.” That tugged at his heart.

“This is so sudden.” Steve said, enveloping Bucky in his arms. “I love you too Buck. I missed you so much and when you went back under. God damn you.”

“I had to. You know I did. Other than some crazy feelings the past couple of days where it’s been a little overwhelming, I’m so much better than I was.” Bucky pulled away, “I hear there’s pasta.”

Steve laughed. “I heard that too. So, what’s the plan? We get Yana fixed up; we go to Wakanda and get you fixed up…”

“We go out for dinner and dancing.” TJ said as they came through the kitchen door.

“We could do that.” Bucky said, putting his hand on TJ’s arm and dragging him over to the table, “We should probably go on dates. That’s the correct order of things, right?”

“It depends, I mean Steve was right earlier, it’s random. We can make our own rules on this thing. We should get to know each other. How we do it is a matter of preference.”

“You don’t have to “go out” to get to know each other.” Nat said, setting a pitcher of ice water on the table. “You go out to have a good time. Spending time together somewhere like this will give you _a lot of time_ to talk, and get to know each other. So do it. Talk.”

“She’s right.” Steve said, being a gentleman and seeing to Nat’s chair. He sat next to her with a smile when he caught her ‘I know I’m right’ smirk.

“I don’t know about you guys, but eating takes priority right now. Talking can be done as a secondary activity.” TJ said, cutting into his chicken.

“I knew I liked you for a reason.” Steve laughed.

“Bucky, how are your injuries?” TJ asked.

“Sore off and on. It’ll be nothing in a matter of days, thanks for asking.”

“I should have earlier. You should have been resting.”

“What do you call that nap earlier, and that cuddle thing by the fire?” Bucky asked before taking a bite of pasta.

“You’re sassy.” TJ smirked. “I’m going to have competition.”

Natasha laughed so hard, TJ worried she might choke on her food.

“What’d I say?”

“You’ve met Captain Sass haven’t you? Oh TJ. You’ve been out-sassed and you don’t even know it yet.”

“Wait a minute.” Steve argued.

“Don’t even say a word Steven.” Bucky pointed at Steve with his fork, spaghetti noodles dangling from the tines, “Not one word of denial out of you.”

TJ watched them and wondered how this was going to work out. He truly hadn’t thought of dating Steve and as soon as he was asked, he was confused and surprised that he really wanted that as much as he wanted to date Bucky. They’d work things out.

“I’m leaving in the morning.” Nat shocked TJ by saying. “I have to run by and drop off TJ’s community service documents and then I’m heading to gather the strays.”

“You’re welcome to stay, the office is state of the art, and you can send any documents from there. Surely you can hang out for a couple more days?”

“I’d love to, and I hope I can get a rain check on that invitation, but everybody’s been too far afield for too long. I need to make sure Wanda and Sam are ok and then I’m going to hole up in another farmhouse once I get Clint home to his family.”

“If you’re sure?”

“I owe it to them, and to you guys. Don’t worry, I’ll be home soon with Laura and Clint and the kids. If you really miss me, you can call me.” Nat said, she then mimicked Bucky with her fork pointing at Bucky, “You’d better call me.”

“We’ll call.” Bucky said. “You’ll want to know if we’re being stupid.”

“I’ll definitely _need to know_ if you’re being stupid. I’ll also need to know how Yana’s doing and I want updates from Wakanda. Don’t make me use my spy skills, not when you are all capable of using phones.”

“Of course, I’ll make sure they keep in touch. I’ll be texting you often. Annoying things, I still owe you for using me.” TJ said, bumping his stockinged toe against the side of her bare foot.

“Ok, I’m counting on annoying texts from you, and videos of you beating them into keeping me in the loop.” Nat grinned. “I have to confess, I poked through the fridge and freezer, and there’s a ton of ice cream in there. Who’s going to join me?”

“You’d better believe I’m having ice cream.” TJ smiled before stuffing a huge bundle of pasta into his mouth.

“I’m going to make Steve do the honors. I’d say Bucky but that’s just mean.” Nat said, “I mean I don’t _doubt_ you could do it, but one-handed… while you’re injured? You’re almost as ordinary as I am.”

TJ nearly choked, Bucky cracked up laughing so hard it shocked everyone, and Steve looked sideways at Natasha, “Did you honestly just call yourself _ordinary_?”

“Well, I did compare “ordinary” me to a one-armed super soldier, so it’s all relative Steve.”


	11. Chapter 11

TJ watched Bucky despondently surveying empty hall of the veterinary hospital. He desperately wanted to get Bucky’s mind off Yana. They’d taken her to Dr. Bates’ clinic, and that’s where Bucky stood in the doorway watching long after she trotted away from him with her head high and her tail wagging.

Steve had approached first, placing his hand on Bucky’s shoulder, “Buck. She’s fine, it’s going to be hours, let’s go back to the house.”

“No.”

After twenty minutes more, it was TJ’s turn. “Hey, you didn’t tell me you were changing plans, I thought we were going home to wait. We can’t do anything here. She’s asleep by now. Let’s go back to the house.”

“no.” Bucky’s voice wasn’t as strong this time.

“Ok, but could you come sit down?”

“Why did I do this?”

“Because she’s been in pain. She won’t be any longer, once the wound heals.” Steve said confidently. “The doc said she’d be in there for hours though. Let’s go, it only takes fifteen minutes to get here, and they’ll call as soon as they know she’s coming out of the anesthesia safely.”

“We’ll all sit in the front seat. It’s very redneck, but nobody has to sit alone.” TJ said, linking fingers with Bucky. “Come on. I’ll give you my phone for the day; they’ll be sending updates.”

Bucky turned slowly, still looking over his shoulder down the hallway. He took a deep breath before turning to face the door without looking at TJ or at Steve.

They’d spent the past two weeks getting to know each other again and for the first time, and he trusted them more than he trusted this Dr. Bates, but he knew TJ had confidence in the man. When he climbed up into the cab of the pickup and scooted across to the center of the seat, he looked at TJ, “Tell me again, how you know he’s qualified.”

“He takes care of all of the animals on the farm. Haven’t you seen how happy and healthy they are? He’s the best in the county, possibly the state. He’s not just a country doctor, he’s a qualified animal surgeon, and in spite of this, he’s called in a specialist to do the procedure, as all medical professionals do. Yana’s sleeping and she’ll be groggy and sore, but she’ll have nice clean teeth and before long, her wound will heal and she’ll be running circles around all of us. Oh, Mom brings her dogs to him for regular vet business, even though it’s ridiculously out of the way.”

“What about the chance that something goes wrong?”

“I can’t lie to you and say it’s not possible, we’ll all be devastated, but I’m not going to consider it. Yana’s going to kiss you goodnight Bucky. You’re going to do things for her for a while.”

“Doesn’t it scare you to make promises like that?” Bucky asked TJ.

“Yes. It scares me shitless to tell you my fondest wish for that wonderful dog, but I have to believe it. I don’t want you to dismiss the possibility that something could happen, but I don’t want you to put any extra energy into the idea either.”

“TJ’s right Buck. Positive thinking is what we need right now.” Steve said as he slid into the seat next to Bucky and pulled the door closed. “What you’re feeling is normal. Shit, I’m willing to bet TJ and I are both feeling some level of the same thing.”

“If you don’t think I wanted to drag her back out of there the second the door closed between us, you haven’t learned anything about me in the past two weeks.” TJ confirmed, squeezing Bucky’s knee tenderly before starting the engine. “Is it ok if we leave for a few hours?”

Bucky took a deep breath before answering, “Yes, let’s get out of here. She’s in good hands.”

“and stronger than the three of us combined.” Steve added.

“He’s right.” TJ said, putting the truck in reverse. “Before we leave “town” is anyone hungry for greasy food or milkshakes?”

“I can’t say no to either of those. TJ is that stress eating?”

“Yes Steve, that’s stress eating. Bucky? Is it ok if we stop?”

“Yeah. I might steal a fry or something.” Bucky felt Steve’s arm land lightly across his shoulders and hunkered down. “When are we going to stop coddling me?”

“We’re not.” Steve said, giving Bucky a tender kiss on the side of his head. “Because you’re our main concern today. Tomorrow it could be either of us though, so take notes.”

“Ooh, good advice Steve.” TJ winked, “Take notes Bucky.”

Bucky appreciated what they were doing, and even managed to drag his thoughts away from _so much worry_. He still felt very exposed without Yana by his side and he hated that was worried about more than just her wellbeing, “Um, what if she isn’t able to help any longer? I mean – I rely on her for so much and I feel so horrible thinking about myself. I’ve told TJ, she’s kept me from falling over. I can’t just let that sweet dog take a fall for me.”

“Buck? You’re off balance due to your arm, and you haven’t allowed yourself to get used to it. You’re still 70 years conditioned to the counterweight, which is going to be replaced. I’m certain your balance issues will work out once we’ve been in Wakanda.”

“Oh my god, Steve?” TJ exclaimed as he pulled into the café parking lot. “What if Yana’s as hard to distract while Bucky’s being operated on, as he is during her surgery? What the hell will we tell her when it’s her turn?”

“You’re a little fucker.” Bucky said, sitting up away from Steve. “Someone needs to kiss that smart mouth of yours.”

“I’m not afraid of you.” TJ smirked, leaning toward Bucky for his kiss. “It’s ok Bucky, Steve’s right, you’ll get that balance back, maybe it’s a real physical phenomenon, or maybe it’s an emotional thing. She’s not going to have to worry about you overcorrecting and falling over. I’m willing to bet she’ll still keep to that side. I mean it’s already a habit, plus she’ll be able to lean on you from time to time too.”

“I’m not sure what I did to deserve you two, or that dog, but I’m sure glad you’re in my life.”

“We could say the same thing Buck. Come on, let’s go get some junk food.” Steve put his hand out to Bucky in invitation.

Bucky followed and took the phone TJ offered when TJ met up with them in front of the pickup. Bucky stuffed the phone into his pocket and led the way to the door, pulling it open and holding it for TJ and Steve. He made a decision, as he stepped into the café. He decided that he was going to stop giving in to the nagging negativity.

He’d been stronger in Romania, not to mention when Leipzig and Siberia had forced themselves into his life and uprooted his peaceful existence. He supposed the process of getting into his head, and the cryo process itself, probably shocked his system more than just the lingering heightened paranoia. Even T’Challa had spoken to Elaine Barrish about the concern of not knowing what his state of mind would be and for what duration.

He felt a hand on his back, tentative but reassuring, and looked over at TJ.

“Hey, if you’re not ok with this, we can go back to the farm.”

“I’m ok. I was just – just thinking.”

“Ok, if you want to share, I’m here. If not, we understand. Our table’s ready.”

“Sorry. I’m – lead the way.” Bucky said, trying to offer a reassuring smile.

TJ and Bucky approached the table; Steve was seated and talking on his phone. He ended the call as Bucky slid into the booth across from him, “everything ok Buck?”

“Yeah, I’m just tryin to figure out how to be stronger, less negative. Everything ok with you?” Bucky indicated the phone.

“Yeah, that was Sam. He’s on his way, TJ said he could stay for a couple of days, if everyone agrees?” Steve left the question in the air with a raised brow.

“Yeah, that’s great. He’s cool with everything?”

“He means us.” TJ clarified at Steve’s confused look. “All of us.”

“I’m – I don’t know – but I think he would be. I didn’t think to bring it up, it’s _just Sam_.”

“Just Sam.” Bucky smirked. “But what will _just Sam_ think about our arrangement? I’m not going to pretend I’m not with either of you. I don’t have the strength to be positive and to go without what’s become so important to me over the last two weeks.”

“I’m not considering hiding anything from Sam Buck. I just didn’t think it warranted a preemptive strike. Not Sam.”

“Ok, I’m ok if the two of you are?”

“I’m already out Bucky.” TJ said with a grin, “and you’re obviously not against the idea of Sam knowing, and Steve doesn’t appear remotely concerned.”

“I’m not. I’m confident he’ll still be my friend.”

“I want to say, Bucky’s concern is understandable Steve. Sometimes our friends can’t accept something like this and that’s a very bitter pill to swallow. I believe your faith in Sam is warranted, I can’t see him being ruffled by it at all. Some people might not be as open about it.”

“Aw, I know TJ. I understand the concern. I honestly don’t think that’s something I have to worry about with Sam though. Thanks for looking out for me Buck.”

“Some things never change.” Bucky said, setting his menu down. “I think I might be hungry after all.”

“Good,” TJ said, nodding at the server. “Everyone know what they want? I know I do.”

TJ was first to order when he noticed Bucky checking the phone. Once he’d ordered, he nodded in Steve’s direction so the server could take his order next. TJ put a hand on Bucky’s arm reassuringly.

Once their orders were taken, TJ asked Steve how soon they’d expect Sam so he could phone ahead to the still present security detail.

“In a few hours. I told him what was going on and that if we weren’t home, we’d have the caretaker let him in. He thinks he’ll be in before the call from the hospital is expected. Thanks for letting him stay TJ.”

“Are you kidding? There’s plenty of room, and maybe we need to shake things up a little. I’m afraid you’re both getting bored of me.”

“That’s not true.” Bucky said, putting the phone on the bench between him and TJ. “You’re far from boring, and the quiet has been such a welcome change.”

“I’m glad you’re not. I’ve had the best time goofing around on the farm, and doing a whole lot of nothing.”

“That’s not accurate.” Steve said, nodding thanks to the server when she set their milkshakes down on the table. “You’ve been working in the office, it’s the two of us who had to go bug the caretaker and take on the task of learning how to deal with the animals.”

“Nobody told you that you had to work off your stay.” TJ smiled, remembering the days he’d sneak out to watch the two of them being farmhands and hauling feed and straw and hay. A particular favorite memory was Bucky shouldering a large bag of feed, and Yana sidling up to him ‘just in case’. He was turned on by Bucky and touched by Yana at the same time, and then when Bucky came back out of the barn with his shirt off, using it to wipe the sweat from his neck, TJ had turned around and gone right back inside. They weren’t alone, he couldn’t accost Bucky right there.

In fact, their relationship hadn’t passed kissing yet, and that was partially on TJ. He really wanted to focus on getting to know Bucky before they went further, and they’d even discussed it and agreed. Steve had offered, on several occasions, to sleep in another room, to let them _have a chance_ , and TJ had finally talked to Steve. “We’re waiting. I don’t know what for, but I want things to be different. I don’t want to jump into sex without establishing this as something more. Don’t think for a minute that you’re in the way. One of us will let you know when the time’s right. You’re always welcome to take time for yourself though, Steve. If sleeping together is getting too crowded. I’ve told Bucky the same. Pick a room for your refuge.”

Neither of them had moved from the bed in the master bedroom. It was always nice to wake up tangled in hair, and arms and legs. Yana even managed to crowd onto the bed somehow, no matter what the configuration was. If Bucky wound up on the outside, she always managed to creep along his side and cover his back.

“When Yana comes home, did you want to sleep in one of the other bedrooms with her? I mean, I don’t want you to go, but I don’t want her crowded either.” TJ asked, licking the thick ice cream from his spoon.

“I thought we could push that amazing dog bed your mom sent right up to the bed and she could lie on it. We shouldn’t encourage her jumping for a bit and unless one of you wants to lift 150 pounds of dog on and off the bed, it’s our best option. I don’t really want to be alone either.”

“I like your solution better.” TJ agreed. “Sam won’t just assume all of a sudden he’s walked into some kind of orgy or something, will he?”

“Is that common?” Steve asked, laughter twinkling in his eyes.

“Well – yeah. Straight people go right for sex as soon as they hear ‘gay’ or any non-hetero combination. Like we’ve all just been running around, smacking each other’s asses, and waving our dicks around.”

“Ohmygod TJ.” Steve choked on his milkshake.

Bucky laughed. “He’s got a point Steve. I’m so far removed from anything mainstream, but even I have noticed that’s the obsession. Why it freaks people out I’ll never understand.”

“I’m not sure Sam will be expecting an orgy. I think if it were _Tony_ , _he’d_ have something ridiculous to say.”

“Everything he says is ridiculous.” Bucky said, causing TJ to giggle. “You’ve met him? I’m right – tell me I’m not right?”

“I can’t. He’s definitely a character. His brain moves too fast and stuff falls out of his mouth before he can corral it.” TJ sat up straighter when the food came. “Thanks.” He offered the server, snatching a fry the second the plate touched the table.

Bucky checked the phone several times while they ate, and TJ refrained from reminding him that she was still _just barely_ in surgery. Instead, he put his hand on Bucky’s knee after the fourth time. Bucky squeezed TJ’s hand briefly, “I know TJ.”

“You’re fine sweetheart. I’m anxious too.”

Bucky looked at Steve and then at TJ, “everyone’s looking over here. I’m not being paranoid, right?”

“Probably recognize TJ or me, maybe both.”

“Probably gawking at the cripple.” Bucky frowned at his plate and TJ realized Bucky hadn’t touched the oversized burger yet.

“I don’t want to be _that person_ , but do you think if it were cut in half, would it be easier to manage?”

“That person?” Bucky asked, confused. “Yes it would, would you TJ?”

“That person.” TJ parroted as he quickly cut the burger in half, “I don’t want you to think I’m being insensitive or anything, I don’t want to do things for you that you don’t need or want.”

“Asking is the only way to know. Don’t stop asking the questions TJ. I don’t know how other people feel, but it’s us. If you were making sandwiches at home, would you cut them in half before giving them to me? I mean us?”

“Yeah, because I like a nice triangle.” TJ smiled and winked as he slid Bucky’s plate back to its place in front of Bucky, “But that’s not the same, I’m not reaching across the table to cut Steve’s burger in half because I make sandwiches that way.”

“You didn’t reach. You asked.” Bucky said. “Thanks.” He still hesitated, feeling like someone was waiting for him to make a huge mistake.

“They’re watching “That Gay Boy of Ole Bud Hammond”. Don’t worry.” TJ smiled radiantly at the few eyes that were still pointed their direction. “I could kiss you, and then they’d be watching you too.”

“Kiss me because you want to.” Bucky said, leaning slightly in TJ’s direction.

“You two are too much.” Steve chuckled. He blushed as some people looked and others looked away while TJ kissed Bucky playfully. He noticed the ones who just barely managed to restrain themselves from saying something, and the ones who shook their heads in disgust. In the distance, Steve heard “he’s not Captain America any longer, and that’s probably good, tolerating that queer stuff in public.”

Steve looked in the basic direction of the voices before standing up, squaring his shoulders and then stepping close to the bench TJ and Bucky shared. He put one knee on the bench and put his hand on TJ’s neck, his fingers mussed the hair on the back of TJ’s head as Steve leaned in for his own sweet kiss. No tongues, no extra-long display, just a tender kiss, and he slowly let his hand graze TJ’s jaw before returning to his own seat.

“I never saw you as an exhibitionist Steve.” TJ smirked, feeling warmth on his cheeks. As kisses go, that was a nice one. Steve didn’t initiate them often, and he knew it was a display, but he also felt that Steve wouldn’t just kiss anyone _that sweetly_ for show only.

“I’m not sure that’s what it was. I do enjoy making my point known though.”

“You came out.” TJ smirked. “In case you don’t realize it. There’s going to be a lot of talk now.”

“I’m not worried. I’m planning it anyway. I thought that maybe I’d do it around the time we go to Wakanda. You are coming with us TJ?”

Bucky looked at TJ expectantly at Steve’s question. They’d discussed it between the two of them, but Bucky had assumed TJ would be busy with work, or something equally distracting.

“I was going to tell you I was interested in coming along, if you’d have me.” TJ answered, looking at Bucky.

“I want that – yes. I thought your work, you’ve been away for two weeks already. I know you’ve spent time in the office but…”

“But, I have managers and assistants and accrued vacation. I’m actually fine Bucky. I won’t even have to check in. I’ll be all yours, and Steve’s.” TJ said, reaching a hand across the table. “He’ll need someone while you’re incapacitated. If he’s serious about publicly coming out around that time, he’ll need someone to help him keep his cool too.”

“Good luck.” Bucky said before taking a second bite of the first half of his burger.

“Thanks _TJ_.” Steve said, blatantly ignoring Bucky’s comment. “I appreciate your concern.”

They continued to talk and eat, and ignore gawkers. TJ was sure there wouldn’t be any actual confrontation. He was relatively familiar with many of the faces. He found it ironic that the one place he felt the most normal, and whole, was the farm, just fifteen minutes from the place where they were being judged.

TJ paid the check and they walked past people, some shamed or bashful enough to turn their heads when they realized they could be seen too, and others not concerned enough to stop staring. Bucky sat in the center of the pickup again and Steve and TJ traded spots so that Steve could drive back.

Bucky had thought about driving, but preferred the warm bodies flanking him. Halfway to the farm TJ’s phone vibrated in Bucky’s pocket.

_“Yana is doing well. Her teeth are clean, and the orthopedic surgeon has started on the main procedure.”_

Bucky handed the phone to TJ and then wiped tears from his cheeks.

“Everything OK Buck?” Steve glanced over, then back to the road.

“Yeah, she’s ok, they’re just starting the amputation. I – god I hope I made the right choice.”

“She’ll be in less pain and it won’t be permanent pain. I still think it was the right choice.” Steve said quietly.

“I agree with Steve. I’m positive she’ll be so much better off Bucky. She was hurting so much. Just think, she won’t have to suffer that kind of pain anymore.”

“As long as she makes it off the table.” Bucky blinked away more tears.

“She will. They said she’s doing well. They wouldn’t proceed if she were reacting to the anesthesia. Let’s be positive.” TJ took Bucky’s hand in his. “We’re not going to worry about farm stuff or office responsibility, what we’re going to do instead, is I’m going to play for you. Start coming up with requests.”

“I’m sorry.” Bucky gave TJ’s hand a squeeze. “I’m sure I’m becoming annoying. I’m not this emotional, honest.”

“No, you’re worried about someone you love. That’s normal, beautiful, and painful. Don’t you dare apologize.”

“TJ’s right Buck. Nobody thinks you’re being too emotional or annoying. In a few days you’ll be back to yourself.”

“Then I’ll be annoying.” Bucky finished.

“How’d you guess?” Steve smirked as he pulled into the drive. He pulled up to the edge of the yard, instead of out by the barn, so that when it was time to go get Yana, it would be better to have the vehicle close by.

“I just had a feeling.”

 


	12. Chapter 12

TJ laughed at the two as he jumped out of the pickup. He’d laughed a lot these past two weeks. Steve was right, though Bucky had been raw the first couple of days, he’d settled in with a physical routine and treated them to sarcastic wit and some really strong insights. TJ had learned a lot from Bucky over the two weeks, about personal strength and resilience. Just last night, Bucky had been deceptively strong, even pulling TJ into a hug when TJ had moodily tossed his phone across the sofa after a challenging text from his father. Even up until they dropped Yana off at the clinic, he’d been nothing but strength.

TJ took his boots off at the door and slid on stockinged feet across the wood floor making Bucky laugh. “What? It wasn’t graceful?” TJ asked. “You wanna show me a thing or two?”

“I’d probably break something, either furniture or myself.”

“I do _not_ believe you. Come on…” TJ urged. “School me.”

“Do you even have any idea the last time I’ve done this?”

“That sounds like you’re doing it.” TJ waited.

“What are we doing?” Steve asked, coming through the front door.

“TJ thinks _I_ am going to go sock-skating across the floor.”

“No, TJ knows you’ll both do it.” TJ grinned.

Bucky was concerned about his shaky balance, but bruised pride aside, what did he really have to lose? “You don’t know what you’re asking for kid.”

“Show me.”

“Steve? He wants me to die.”

“Buck, it’s hardwood, not a gator-filled swamp.” Steve laughed at Bucky’s dramatic plea, as intended.

“Some kind of help you are. Well, you did make me cross a flaming chasm, and dive into a freezing river. Not to mention ziplining onto a speeding train. You’d never protect me from a bruised ego.”

“Bucky, are you scared?” TJ asked gently.

“Oh shut up TJ.” Bucky said with a barely contained smile before zipping across the floor. TJ stopped him with his hands firmly planted against the wall of Bucky’s chest and kissed him just for being close enough. “Nice catch, Hammond.”

“You weren’t going anywhere. Do you have your requests figured out? We’re dragging snacks upstairs and we’re gonna eat and relax.”

“First, that one has to do his best skate.” Bucky pointed at Steve in challenge.

TJ was awed, again, at the innate grace under all that muscle. “You two could be ballet dancers.”

“I could show you a thing or two.” Bucky said, “I should practice, just to see if I can correct my balance.”

“You’re trained?” TJ looked shocked.

“Not formally, however my instructor _was_ good enough.”

“Ok two things.” TJ said, linking his arm with Bucky’s, “I want to watch, and could you teach me?”

“Would you take it seriously?”

“Absolutely, I’m 100% serious.” TJ _was_ serious; he also knew the distraction could redirect some of Bucky’s post Yana-amputation depression into something positive. There was space in the barn and Yana could lie around and be in Bucky’s sights the whole time. The chance to watch Bucky was even more exciting.

“Will you be joining us?” TJ asked Steve as he slid his free arm around Steve’s slender waist.

“I could learn a thing or two." Steve parroted Bucky's earlier comment, "Natasha’s showed me a few moves.”

“Was she your instructor Bucky?” TJ loved being sandwiched between them and was happy that the staircase was wide enough to accommodate the trio.

“She was.” Bucky tightened his arm around TJ’s, still uncertain of his balance on the stairs without Yana to take up his left, and not having his hand free to grip the railing.

TJ released Steve and put both hands on Bucky’s arm, continuing to talk as they mounted the stairs, making a note that Bucky got the rail until he was more confident with his balance, or until Yana was back to her old self.

Steve listened to the back and forth between TJ and Bucky, relieved that TJ knew what to say, and what not to say to distract Bucky from missing Yana too much, especially in places he’d come to rely on her the most. He also was taking TJ’s order (or request) seriously and was trying to think of a few pieces to request for TJ to play. Once in the room Steve flopped down on the overstuffed sofa with an uncharacteristic “oof” before realizing they’d all forgotten snacks that TJ’d mentioned. Oh well, it hadn’t even been twenty minutes or so since they ate last. One of them would have to go down for snacks in a while.

“Ok, who’s first?” TJ asked, wrapping his arms around Bucky.

Bucky brought his hand to TJ’s cheek, “I am. I get the first and second requests.”

“Ok.” TJ smiled, gazing into Bucky’s eyes, “Two it is.”

“First request, kiss me.”

TJ blinked slowly, lowering his gaze to Bucky’s lips when his eyes opened again. “That’s an easy one.” He said, closing the distance and drawing Bucky’s lower lip between his teeth, he moved one arm from Bucky’s waist to encircle his neck, kissing Bucky with increasing heat as Bucky kissed back, pushing TJ back toward the piano. TJ’s hip stopped against the sharp wood edge, but the rest of him didn’t stop, Bucky had TJ partially dipped over the keyboard, as they hungrily kissed one another.

Steve watched, initially embarrassed, yet increasingly intrigued. He reached for one of the mystery sketchbooks that seemed to crop up in every room where they spent time, always accompanied by his favorite pens and pencils. He’d have to thank TJ _and_ the caretaker. Steve started something he’d wanted to do since the first time he watched them kiss. He sketched the unrushed, passionate tangle of arms around necks and fingers in hair, a slight hint of cheekbone and the peek of tongue. His sketch got as far as the rough lines he’d penciled in before Bucky pulled away from TJ, brushing his thumb over TJ’s bottom lip.

“My second request.” Bucky’s voice was sultry and hoarse. “The one from the other night, from Romeo and Juliet.”

“I’m Kissing You.” Steve said from the couch.

“Yeah, appropriately, that’s the one.” Bucky smiled over his shoulder at Steve.

“You’re in luck. I had such an obsession with Leo – I could play that one in my sleep.” TJ grinned, reluctantly pushing Bucky toward the couch.

Bucky sat against Steve’s side, looking at the sketch as it became more detailed; he put his hand on Steve’s thigh, getting Steve’s attention. “Your turn.” His whispered voice barely heard over the soft notes as TJ started the request. Steve set the book and pencil on the table to his right and turned to face Bucky. Bucky moved his hand from Steve’s thigh and gripped the back of his neck; Steve’s palm was tickled by Bucky’s stubble when he laid it gently on Bucky’s jaw. Bucky watched Steve’s tongue dart out from between full, pink lips, moistening them before he leaned in to kiss Bucky. Bucky kissed back lazily, feeling warm and fuzzy as the music surrounded them and Steve’s quiet moans teased his senses.

TJ watched the pair kiss as he played through Bucky’s request, still reeling from Bucky's first request. He was always aware of the pull between those two, and now he knew he could arouse Bucky. The things he wanted to do with that information! He put the thought away for later, playing through the song and watching. Wanting in on kissing Steve too. He did have plans for _that_ sooner, rather than later.

When TJ finished, he looked at Steve, “your turn. Bucky changed up the rules, buy-in for requests is one kiss. Your preference.”

Steve eased up from the cushions, and crossed the space in a step-and-a-half. He sat astride the piano bench and took TJ’s face between his hands, “ _You_ changed the terms. However, it seems like a decent trade.” Steve said as he kissed TJ, sliding his hands up into TJ’s hair. TJ slipped his hands over Steve’s torso, tracing strong shoulder, and neck muscles, up into Steve’s overgrown hair, returning kiss for kiss, and lick for lick. Steve moaned prettily when TJ nipped his lip. Whatever it was about kissing, Steve enjoyed the different approaches TJ and Bucky offered. Steve pulled away first, looking at TJ’s plump red lips, then up into his eyes, “TJ, you…” There was a bubble in his throat he tried to clear away, what word was he looking for? “You’re…”

“The best kisser in the world?” TJ winked, trying to avoid something that might hurt by covering it with humor.

“One of… maybe one of three.” Bucky said from the couch. He stood up and crossed the space, putting his hand on Steve’s neck tenderly, “What were you trying to say Stevie? I think he should hear it instead of joking it away.”

Steve reached up and covered Bucky’s fingers with his, still keeping his other hand on TJ’s neck, “you’re very special to me TJ. Being with you has been – it’s given me something that’s been a long time coming, and I’m not referring to this overgrown menace either, but thank you for finding him too.”

“That was very progressive Steve.” Bucky bumped against Steve playfully.

“Leave him alone Bucky.” TJ said as playfully, not taking his eyes off Steve. “That was perfect. You’re welcome, of course.”

“I really wasn’t – Bucky go sit down.” Steve said, shoving at Bucky's hip, frustrated. “I wasn’t thanking you. I didn’t want you to think about that – it’s not gratitude.”

“It’s ok Steve, you’re special to me too, so much so.”

“It’s more than _special_ , I can’t afford to waste time, every time I do, something happens. I think I have a chance and it gets ripped from me, I know we’ve only known each other properly for two weeks, but I… I think… dammit no, I am falling in love with you TJ.”

Bucky watched, sitting a few feet away, having been banished for his teasing, smiling at the two of them.

The shock was enough to stop TJ’s breath, he hadn’t realized that was going to be the depth of Steve’s confession, he thought that gratitude and companionship must have compelled him, but love? **_Why_**? TJ’s heart pounded hard enough that he was sure Steve could see it thumping from beneath his shirt. TJ focused on breathing, and on that spot in Steve’s sternum, beneath a warm sweater, where he couldn’t see the pounding that must be happening for Steve too.

“You’re funny and smart, you’re kind. I’ve had so much fun being with you, learning about you.”

Why was Steve continuing? TJ breathed evenly, and his smile grew. “Why are you still talking?”

“You asked why I loved you.”

“I did?” TJ leaned forward and kissed Steve, “Don’t listen to me. I was remembering to breathe, it must have been oxygen deprivation. I love you Steve. I thought it was too soon to say anything, because god knows I have judgment issues. You can come back Bucky, I’m sorry he banished you.”

Bucky stayed where he was, thinking about heartfelt confessions. He and Steve had had theirs after a tumble in the straw. They'd been hard at work on the farm two days ago, when Bucky had stopped, watching Steve rearranging things in the old barn where TJ had taken them on that first afternoon. "What?" Steve had asked, obviously feeling unease at being gawked at.

"Nothing, just... I could use a break." Bucky opened the cap on the water bottle, taking a long drink before tossing the second bottle at Steve.

They'd been standing there in the middle of the barn, sweating, trying to quench their thirsts, when Bucky bumped against Steve's shoulder, jostling the water, and making Steve laugh, which dissolved into a playful wrestling match before they gave in to making out and feeling each other up. Bucky had been the first to say it, after over 70 years. With straw in both of their hair, warm and sweaty in spite of the weather, thanks to hard farm work, and Steve, and the way that he had kissed Bucky harshly. “Jesus I love you Steve.”

“Buck?” Steve had stopped kissing Bucky’s jaw, and looked down at him.

Bucky, pinned by Steve’s knees against his ribs, reached up and pulled Steve down on top of him, “I love you, punk.”

“I’ve waited a long time to hear that again. A long, long time. Jerk.”

“That’s all I get?” Bucky had thrown Steve over and straddled _his_ waist, placing his hand in the middle of Steve’s chest.

Steve had leant up on one elbow, reaching his other hand into Bucky’s hair, threading it through the length, and cradling his head, before letting his hand slowly slide down Bucky’s neck so he could pull him down next to him on the straw. While they both lay there looking at the eaves of the barn, Steve breathed, “I love you Bucky.”

Bucky had turned to look at Steve, seeing one pink cheek and his perfect profile, before Steve turned to look at Bucky. “It’s about time we got our shit together.” Bucky said with a smile and a laugh. “Now What?”

“I think I love TJ.”

“I know I do.” Bucky had sighed.

“You're still ok with it? I mean, that I love him?” Steve waited for Bucky to look away, or give him some sign that “Shit” wasn’t as “together” as it should be.

“I’m very ok with it. That’s the goal right? The three of us? Are you ok with it?”

Yana had been in the corner of the barn and she let out a very loud groan, making both men laugh at the thought she'd had enough of them both. Of course, that was before Bucky pushed up from the straw and crossed to her spot, stooping to give her a pain pill.

“Bucky?” TJ’s voice brought Bucky out of the recollection.

“I’m ok, just thinkin’ about Yana.”

“I know.” TJ said kindly, “She must be fine, we haven’t heard anything else.”

Steve rose and pushed away from the piano, sitting back down next to Bucky. He put his hand on Bucky’s thigh and Bucky took it, and draped Steve’s arm over his shoulders. Steve hugged Bucky to him. “The Way You Look Tonight, please TJ.”

“You bet.” TJ beamed. He wondered, briefly, what being out in the world would look like, not kidding himself over the pleasant cocoon they’ve been wrapped up in for two weeks. He supposed the shift in dynamics when Sam arrived would be a small test. He played the song and considered some gentle introductions into the world for Bucky when they all had an ‘all clear’ to wander more freely. A night at The Dome would be nice if they played it platonically. He didn’t want to rush either man’s coming out for the sake of a party.

TJ turned as he finished the song, to see that the cuddling had dissolved into Bucky sitting sideways on the sofa with his feet pressed up against Steve’s thigh while Steve sketched.

“I'm gonna go get some lemonade and cookies, any other requests? Food first. I _am_ still taking musical requests too.” TJ said, standing up and stretching.

“That sounds perfect to me TJ.” Steve said, looking up from his sketch. “Do you need help?”

“I’ve got it, thanks.”

“Well, how did it feel?” Bucky asked when TJ left the room.

“It felt like I was drowning... and then it felt good. You were no help.”

“I was too. You were gonna back down from a fight Rogers. He’s type to let the subject go with a joke, and you are too, and we ain’t having that.”

“You’re right, learned from the best.” Steve gave Bucky’s ankle a squeeze. “Your turn you know.”

“I know. I’m considerin’ a few ideas.” Bucky said, “Meantime, what’s that?”

Steve looked at his sketchbook and turned it so Bucky could see, Bucky reached for it, “well I’ll be damned.”

“I guess that’s good.” Steve smirked, ‘What ideas? You two need some privacy?”

“You getting cold feet about sharing a bed with us while Sam’s here?”

“No, it can be now, or in Wakanda for all I know. I think it’d be better for you two if I wasn’t around for that.”

“You could watch. Or is that on the “nope list”?”

“I’m not gonna watch your first time. That’s just rude.”

“Shame, thought you’d like to draw that. Considerin these guys aren’t wearin’ clothes.”

““These guys” are you and TJ, and it’s called artistic license. I’ve seen you two kissin’ shirtless enough to remember what I need to know.”

“Just sayin’ you could absolutely draw me fuckin’ TJ.”

“Fuckin’ TJ what? Wha’d I do now?” TJ asked as he came into the room with a tray bearing a pitcher of lemonade, three glasses, and a large plate of cookies.

“Nothing yet.” Steve said with a grin, winking at Bucky.

“We were talking about sex. You and me.” Bucky said casually, taking the first glass of lemonade.

“So you and Steve…” TJ blushed, just managing to pour the second glass without his hands shaking, “were talking about you ‘fuckin’ TJ’?”

“That’s correct.” Bucky said with a grin. “When you’re ready, of course.”

“Man, you don’t know me at all.” TJ was proud that he didn’t manage to spill any lemonade. He was now pouring the third glass, and his hands were trembling slightly with the excitement the thought caused. They were just starting to be slick with sweat and he felt the handle of the glass pitcher shift in his hand as he set it down.

“So you’ve been waiting for me to vacate so you two could get busy?” Steve chuckled, watching TJ, reading his body language.

“I was waiting for Bucky.” TJ said simply. “You and I have already talked about this.”

“Well, Bucky’s definitely having thoughts,” Bucky said, putting his hand on TJ’s hip when he stopped next to the couch.

TJ broke his cookie and handed half to Bucky, “Any time stud.” He said, pulling his fingers through Bucky’s hair.

“Well, Stevie here’s embarrassed to share a bed while his bestie’s visiting, so maybe while Sam’s here. Maybe I can make up for the uncomfortable two hour ride crammed in the back of a VW by making him uncomfortable.”

TJ laughed, “Steve’s not embarrassed to share a bed. Don’t out him to Sam before he’s ready, and I’m always game for making someone uncomfortable. You won’t mind if I determine whether or not he deserves the show, will you?” TJ asked.

Steve took TJ’s hand and tugged him to sit on the sofa between him and Bucky. “Thanks TJ. I’ll steer clear if you two want to, any time. I hope you like Sam.”

“I’ve met him before, Sam’s really one of the cool ones.” TJ said before tossing the last of his cookie into his mouth. “I hope he likes me. It’s one thing for your boyfriend to like your friend; it’s another entirely for your friend to like your boyfriend.”

“Don’t I know it.” Bucky huffed.

“Cut it out Buck. You two have history beyond you being my boyfriend, considering that’s either really old news or really, really new news.”

“Ok fine. Sorry Teej. Sam’s gonna love you.” Bucky said as he reached for a cookie on the coffee table. “No wonder you love these cookies. I could live on them.”

“That’s not the best idea you’ve ever had.” Steve said, leaning forward for his first cookie. He took a bite and groaned, “Ok, wait, I take that back. That’s the **best** idea you’ve **ever** had.”

“You two are crazy.” TJ laughed, leaning back against the back of the couch. “More music?”

“Enjoy your insanely good cookies first. This lemonade is some of the best I’ve had in ages. I don’t even know how to describe modern lemonade.”

“I know how to describe it, furniture polish. This is the good old fashioned fresh-squeezed variety, I don’t know how she does it. It feels so decadent to have lemonade right now, in a week or two the weather’s going to make a drastic switch and we’d be having warm cider before you know it.”

“And snow.” Bucky said, rubbing his shoulder.

“You calling it? Am I close? Two weeks – or sooner?” TJ was only half teasing. “Are you ok?”

“As for snow, I’m not calling it, but it’s definitely getting colder. I’m fine TJ. Maybe tonight we can break out the hot cider?”

“You got it. I’m gonna pick the next song while you two figure out your next requests.” TJ pushed up from the sofa, using each man’s thigh as a boost. “Boyfriends.” He smiled.

“You’re so old fashioned TJ.” Bucky teased.

“Perfect fit then, having two 100 year old boyfriends, dontcha think?” TJ winked and smiled, before launching into Joplin’s Cakewalk.

“TJ, that’s older than we are – congrats.” Steve laughed.

“But by how much?” TJ sassed.

“Predates this one by 17? 17 years, 18 for me.”

“You just know that off the top of your head? Or are you a big Joplin fan?”

“Boy’s got an eidetic memory TJ. He’s always had that, serum might have enhanced it to some scary degree.” Bucky said, kicking his toes under Steve’s thigh. Steve shoved Bucky’s legs off the couch with a smile, and gestured for him to come closer.

Bucky turned around on the sofa and stretched across it, laying his head on Steve’s lap.

Steve curled his fingers through Bucky’s hair, “It’s some scary shit alright. Imagine wanting to forget something and not being able to.”

Bucky gripped Steve’s wrist, TJ watched them as he played through, noticing something passing between them, and transitioned from _Cakewalk_ into _The Entertainer_.

“Pales in comparison to losing memories you want to keep, I’m sure.” Steve said, brushing his thumb over Bucky’s cheek. He was still awed by the welcome return to their once-familiar touches.

“It’s a burden, but the same serum that’s giving you three-D memories is stitching mine back in place slowly. If only it figured out a way to regrow limbs.”

“Stop that.” Steve laughed involuntarily.

“Hey, I heard about a guy that did.” Bucky said, looking up at Steve mischievously. "Lost a hand, and grew it back."

“You gotta stop reading those gossip rags. We’re gonna be in them soon enough.” TJ said across the room.

“Ok fine. Not that it could possibly be real.” Bucky grinned, “Hey, instead of ignoring them, why don’t we just collect all the gossip rags.”

“Because as cute as we are together, and as fun as it sounds Bucky, it’s going to be a shit show. It’ll be invasive and there’ll be mean comments that will hurt or anger one or all of us.”

“TJ, I’m kidding about the rags, let’s give ’em something to write about. As soon as Yana’s home and can stand a ride into the city, let’s go.”

“Bucky, that’s sweet.” TJ smiled, playing softly, “We should wait for Steve to formulate his ‘coming out’ first.”

“I want to do it where it makes the most impact.” Steve said, still threading his fingers through Bucky’s hair. “I want the platform that will reach the people it needs to reach.”

“You’re gonna have to hype it up a bit, get onto social media – Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram maybe. Get those accounts and get them verified. Make your icon obvious that it’s you. Maybe you can use an asexual flag backdrop, and get them stirred up with speculation while you drop some benign tweets and pictures of you and your life, and your art. Set up a press conference and snapchat it. Bucky or I could live tweet the thing with snippets of your address to the people, and pictures.”

“Do it before we board the flight to Wakanda, you can have the hours to come down from the attention and the anxiety, and then you can check in once we’re settled.” Bucky added, looking up at Steve, who seemed to be taking mental notes.

“I’m not sure I'd know what to do with any of those social media platforms, I'm not fond of the idea of sharing my life so openly.”

“Well, you're ok with coming out, nothing else could possibly be more personal, but I get it. You only post what you’re comfortable posting sweetheart.” TJ said, turning on the piano bench.

“You could take a picture of TJ’s hands on the keys and give it the simple caption of the song title he’s playing.” Bucky added.

“You could draw Yana and post it. You could snapchat her silly yawn. You don’t always have to post your face, and you don’t ever have to give details. Learn a few good hashtags and use them wisely to get to your desired audience. Use that eidetic memory to gather your info before you do any of it, but Bucky’s idea to use the flight to Wakanda as downtime is brilliant.”

“If you’re ready by then.” Bucky said, sitting up and putting his hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“I know Buck. It’s waited a lifetime to be discovered. It’s waited months to be said aloud. Now it’s time to share a piece of me. I like your idea, both of your ideas. I’ll need your help.”

“I’m here for all of it, I promise.” TJ vowed. “Don’t force yourself, and don’t do it for any reason other than for you.”

“You said that.” Bucky said, checking TJ’s phone.

“Yeah, I know, but you said yourself he’s stubborn. Anything?”

“No. I guess that’s good, right?”

“Of course it’s good. They’re taking care of her instead of texting. They haven’t encountered any reasons to call. We don’t want them to call until she’s out of surgery.”

“I know. Thanks TJ.” Bucky moaned, sagging against the sofa back.

“You’re doing great Bucky. I’m obviously not as entertaining as I’d hoped. Movie?”

“Movie” Bucky agreed, laying back down on Steve’s lap, “no animals, if you can’t promise that, no _dying_ animals... and lots of explosions.”

“Seriously Buck?” Steve chuckled. “You don’t get enough of that?”

“It’s much more fun when it’s not singeing your hair.”

Steve tugged on a strand of Bucky’s hair and laughed. “You’ve got me there, I guess.”

“You two. How are you gonna adjust to being among us ordinary folks?” TJ asked with a slight pang of worry.

“I had a taste of it, and I loved it.” Bucky said earnestly. “I’d like to get that recipe for these cookies and try making them. Baking sounds fun. I’d like to take a culinary class, I worked in a kitchen in Romania, and I really enjoyed it.”

“I didn’t know that?” Steve said.

“We didn’t exactly have the opportunity, and you had just broken into my apartment. What was I supposed to do? Small talk? I knew they were after me, for all I knew, you could have been the one sent to take me out.”

“Yeah, no. That wasn’t an option. So, cooking for you. I have no idea what I’ll do.”

“You’re an artist Stevie.”

“This?” Steve dismissed his sketchbook.

“That.” Bucky said. “TJ look at this and tell me this man’s not an artist.”

“May I?” TJ had seen Steve draw, but hadn’t been brave enough to poke his nose into the book as Bucky had, he figured it was because their dynamic was so different from years of loving one another. TJ sat down on the floor against the sofa, between Steve’s legs, and took the sketchbook from the coffee table. Part of him melted when Steve’s fingers found his hair. He’d tried not to be envious watching Steve with Bucky’s hair, turns out all he had to do, was not sit across the room.

“It’s just…”

“Shh.” TJ said, “It’s not _just_ anything. These are gorgeous.”

TJ slowly paged through the book, landing on a sketch of him at the piano, his chest swelled at the thought that Steve put so much feeling into an image of _him_ doing something _he_ loved. So, maybe Steve and Bucky did have something special, but just maybe, there had been something wistful Steve was feeling toward TJ, that TJ could relate to. TJ had hoped that Steve’s declaration wasn’t just automatic or spontaneous and that Steve wouldn’t regret it later. This gave TJ hope.

TJ set the book back on the coffee table, and stood up. He leaned over and kissed Steve tenderly, “They’re incredible and if it makes you happy, maybe you should look into it.” The two shared a long look before Steve closed his eyes, his long lashes fanning his cheeks.

“Thank you TJ.” Steve said before opening his eyes again. “Maybe you have a point.”

TJ picked up the remote, and flipped the large screen television on. He scrolled through a list of movies, smiling when Bucky said “Of course he has a point. You did that back in the day, do it again.”

Steve smiled bashfully at the praise. He’d been getting reacquainted with his inner artist over the past two weeks, he’d forgotten so much about the boy who was trapped inside his own weak body, making art for pennies. That was so long ago, and then again, it really wasn’t _that long_ to his body, his memories. He’d been burning to fight when the war broke out, but before that, the fight was always secondary.

People thought he just trolled the alleyways looking for trouble, that couldn’t have been farther from the truth. In his childhood, he’d been bullied enough to know that wasn’t gonna pass, but as a young adult, he’d found friends with common interests, and he knew where to go to avoid fights. When the fights came to him, he wouldn’t back down. Like the war, when the fight came to us, enough had been enough. Art had become a side interest then. Maybe he was more tired of being a soldier than he’d initially thought. The weight of the world had slipped from his shoulders, just a little bit, when he’d dropped the shield.

An explosion on the screen caused Steve to jump, and Bucky sat up, scooting over, and held his arm up in invitation. Steve scooted into it, and Bucky looked at TJ, “come sit with us, your tailbone will thank you.”

TJ eased up onto the couch next to Steve, and tucked his feet up on the couch beneath himself. He kissed Bucky’s hand where it rested on Steve’s shoulder. Bucky ruffled TJ’s hair and they settled in to watch the movie.

Two phones went off within moments of each other near the end of the movie, Steve’s and TJ’s. Steve lazily pulled his from his pocket while Bucky quickly tugged TJ’s from his own, bumping his arm against Steve’s head in the rush. “shit. Sorry.”

Steve smiled, patting Bucky’s thigh, as he answered his phone. TJ sat with an unexpected bundle of nerves from both calls. He listened to Bucky’s relieved voice as he spoke to the clinic, and Steve’s carefree one as he gave Sam final directions to the farm.

“Sam’s about 40 minutes out. How’s Yana doing Buck?”

“She’s out of surgery. They’re going to watch her as she comes out of anesthesia, but there weren’t any complications. They’ll call when we can come and get her.”

“Ok, so Sam will be here first.” TJ said, watching Bucky cross the room, his nervous pacing starting to subside. “We should definitely eat the rest of these cookies before he gets here.”

Bucky stopped mid-stride. He looked at TJ and then at Steve, and laughed.

“Steve, we’re keeping him, right? Please tell me we’re keeping him.”

“I’m keeping both of you.” Steve smiled at the foolish men he loved. “I can’t believe you’ve gone to his side TJ.”

“I didn’t know it was down to choosing a side.” TJ mumbled around a bite of cookie. “It worked. Come here Bucky.”

Bucky took TJ’s extended hand, “It worked. You managed to distract me. She’s ok TJ.”

“I know, I’m relieved too. The next steps are going to be hard. Don’t worry about her, you know how much she hates when you’re upset. If she needs space, don’t take it personally, imagine how you felt when you thought you had to be alone to recover.”

“How do you know so much about this?”

“I’ve been looking out for you by googling things we can do for her, and how she might behave coming home. She’s gonna hurt, she’ll need drugs, and she’ll need to come off of them. That alone will take days to a week or more.”

“We can do this, we got through the two weeks of dread, and the next couple of weeks will be all about healing.” Steve said with a reassuring smile. “She’s too important to all of us now, you’re not doing this alone Buck.”

“YANA. TJ agreed, You are _not_ alone.”

“Ok, was that your intent this whole time?” Steve asked, suddenly realizing what TJ had said.

“Yeah – oh yeah you weren’t with us, it was Nataliya.” Bucky said, sitting on the edge of the piano bench. Her name’s an acronym; I named her as a reminder. There were some dark days.”

TJ watched Bucky scrub his hands through his hair, he hadn’t looked quite as bad as he had that first night, even in the depths of worrying for Yana, but TJ saw a flicker. He crossed the space and rubbed Bucky’s shoulders.

“Hey, there’s not a barber in town is there?” Bucky asked, looking over his shoulder to TJ.

“There is, or we can have my stylist come out here. I’ve done it before, that’s not weird at all.” TJ ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair, “You want to chop this off?”

“Trim it, maybe. Your stylist give a decent shave?”

“What are you doing? You’ll be unrecognizable – or you’ll be mistaken for me.” TJ teased.

“I just feel like changing a few things.”

“He’s thinking about cameras and making me look good.” Steve joked, though he was pretty sure he was close to the truth.

“I’m thinking of looking better than you, slim.”

“Your choice, we can go to the barber, I can call Maxxie. It’s all up to you.” TJ kissed the top of Bucky’s head.

“Is there a reason you don’t go to the barber?”

“He wasn’t born in 1917.” Steve said with what TJ was starting to think of as his “signature sass”.

“I used to go to the barber in town whenever we visited. In the past few years, I got used to Maxxie and I got lucky every time I needed her to come out, she was available.”

“Sounds extravagant. I’ll go to the barber.” Bucky said, putting his hand on TJ’s, “I’ll give your Maxxie a try when we’re in the city.”

“It’s ok.”

“I know TJ, thank you. I need to do it my way, and I feel like I’ve already been given so many gifts. There are so many nice things for Yana, the sling and the bed, and the clothes I’m wearing. It’s a lot.”

“Ok, the barber it is.” TJ kissed Bucky’s temple. “We should go move Yana’s bed closer to ours and get her pillows and blankets ready.”

Bucky thought of the dog who acted as his pillow so often, lying on the cold concrete and not giving any indication of her pain, and how now she had an orthopedic dog bed, and soft pillows. “How much free agency do we have while we’re here? Can we move a few pieces of furniture?”

“Yeah, anything goes. What did you have in mind?”

“The bedside table, if we move the one on the right side of the bed to another part of the room, we can tuck her bed along the wall adjacent to the bed so she has something to support her and two sides she won’t slide off the bed.”

“Ok, that’s easy. Let’s go get it done. Steve, will you lend your strength?”

“and your second arm?” Bucky added.

“Well, that just goes without saying.” TJ said, giving Bucky’s shoulders a good squeeze.

Steve grinned at the two and pulled himself up from the sofa, “Let’s do it.” He walked around the coffee table to offer Bucky a hand.


	13. Chapter 13

Sam arrived as they were finishing the minor rearrangement. Steve took the stairs two at a time to get to the door before Sam hollered it down, leaving Bucky and TJ to put the blankets and water dish close to the bed. Bucky surveyed their makeshift hospital and looked at TJ, “You think we did ok? She’ll be safe here, right?”

“I can’t imagine anyplace safer, you’ll be at her side, and we’ll be here too.”  TJ put his arms around Bucky’s waist, “You are such a good dad.” He said with a smile, before kissing Bucky’s neck. “and a great boyfriend.”

“Will that still stand when we’re in the city and I’m freaking out over noises and people and trying to get my bearings?”

“Yeah. You know what? It’s quite possible that I’ll be a great boyfriend too, and I’ll make some of those things less annoying.”

“You are _already_ a great boyfriend. I’m looking forward to finding out how this moves forward. I’ve never been in an open relationship with a man, I don’t think anyone’s taken into consideration that I’ll be coming out too. I don’t want to steal Steve’s thunder.”

“Do you want to make it a big production?”

“No, I don’t – I didn’t mean it like that, I meant, when we’re seen together, I don’t want that to be the focus, when what Steve’s trying to do is so benevolent.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll go out together sometime before his official announcement, we can do it more quietly, the boy on your arm is TJ Hammond, you’ll get curious looks, and people will eventually ask. Are you ready for today? We should go down.”

“About that…”

“Yeah Bucky?” TJ watched the hesitation cross Bucky’s features.

“I don’t know if I want to go down.” Bucky sat on the edge of the bed. “Last time things didn’t go so well, he’s been out hunting for me again, probably really irritated with me, and I can’t blame him.”

“You had a mental break Bucky. It was a legitimate side effect of the treatment and you took off. Nobody blames you, even if Steve gives you a good ribbing, he was freaked out at first, but everyone’s settled about that now.” TJ sat next to Bucky, taking his hand. “You’re not going to be forced to go down, but he’s staying here for a bit, and you don’t want to feel like a prisoner in your own home.”

Bucky squeezed TJ’s hand, “you should go down. I’ll see how I feel in a few.”

“Ok, if you’re sure. I could stay with you, if you don’t want to be alone.”

“Nah, you’re the man of the house this time around, it would be rude if you didn’t greet him.”

“Ok. Hold onto this so you can let Steve know if they call.” TJ retrieved his phone from the relocated bedside table and handed it to Bucky. “Play something soothing if you think it’ll help.”

“Thanks TJ.”

“Of course.” TJ set his hand gently on Bucky’s shoulder before heading out of the bedroom.

TJ moved slowly down the stairs, half-tempted to go back up to Bucky, instead he pushed forward down the last steps. “Mr. Wilson.” TJ offered his hand with a vibrant smile, “Welcome to the farm.”

“TJ Hammond. Didn’t we decide on first names the last time?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know if you’d remember. I’d hate to be that guy.” TJ laughed.

“TJ, where’s Buck?”

“He’s just finishing arrangements upstairs for when Yana comes home. I think he’s still working through that anxiety.” TJ lied skillfully; covering as well as he could.

“He’s had a tough day.” Steve nodded.

“Come in Sam, let me show you to your room, you can get things settled. I was thinking of putting dinner in before we leave for the vet’s clinic and eating when we get back, is that ok? We have cookies and other snacky foods if you’re hungry now.”

“TJ, I’ll happily eat whenever the food’s ready. There’s no need to go crazy.”

“Cookies are good Sam, you’ll walk right past the room they’re in, might as well grab one.” Steve added, grabbing a bag.

“If they’re handy, why not.” Sam said jovially as he followed TJ up the stairs.

Steve set the bag down just inside Sam’s room and doubled back to check on Bucky. He was sitting on the bed when Steve went in. “Hey? You ok? Is Yana ok?”

“I’m fine. Today’s got to be over soon, right? Don’t get me wrong, the time with you guys was good, but this thing with Яночка, and now Sam.”

“You never said it wasn’t ok for him to stay. Are you changing your mind?”

“No, that’s not it. I’ve caused so much trouble, for him specifically… I…”

“You’ve done no such thing. He knows why you’ve done the things you’ve done. Maybe he’s working through it slowly, but he is.”

“I know. Give me a few more minutes ok?”

“Well, I’d say I’d call you down when dinner was ready, but you’re going to want to come with us to get Yana. Let us know when you hear from the vet, ok?”

“I will.”

“Buck?” Steve sat next to Bucky on the bed. “You know I’ve got your back right? Even against Sam. I won’t tolerate any bad will toward you.”

“Aw, I know Steve. I don’t think he’ll be any less annoying than last time, but he won’t be any worse either. I just…”

“Can’t be sure.” Steve supplied.

“Can’t understand why.”

“He’s a good man. Took care of me as much as Natasha did.”

“You’re pretty special and deserve it.” Bucky twined his fingers with Steve’s, “You know where I stand on my allotment of good things. I think I’m over my limit already.”

“You know how much I disagree with you on that too.”

“When we’re done with all of this waiting and physical recovery, and we’re back in the city… which city? Would TJ move to Brooklyn? Will we be able to handle DC? When we’re wherever that winds up being, I’m going to find a therapist, because supposedly there are tools for how I feel, to help me figure out how to balance things.”

“That’s a great idea. We haven’t discussed the future much, beyond Wakanda. I don’t know what TJ will want. We could go back to Brooklyn, it’s not cheap anymore Buck. I don’t know if it’s fair to uproot TJ from his work… we can’t make any decisions about where we’re going to move without including TJ in the discussions.”

“No you can’t” TJ said from the doorway. “I’m alone enough as it is, anyone wanna come socialize with your old friend? I’ve run out of normal words and I’m afraid I’ve started repeating myself.”

“I’m coming TJ.” Steve responded.

“Is everything ok?”

“Everything’s the same as when you left sweetheart.” Bucky said quietly, watching Steve exit the room. “It’s just me.”

“I was gonna let you sit this out, but you really can’t Bucky. Sam’s here for a few days, you gotta come out.” TJ said, climbing across the bed, rubbing Bucky’s shoulders. “He’s in a friendly mood.”

“I’m so damned embarrassed TJ.”

“I understand. Fucking up is my specialty. I usually have to face a whole room full of people I’ve inconvenienced or pissed off. This is just one guy with a smiling face. Come with me – that way you’re not alone.”

“Ok.” Bucky rolled his neck against TJ’s hands as they dug into the tense muscles there. “Let’s get this over with.”

TJ pressed a kiss behind Bucky’s ear, “You know you’re safe right? It’s just embarrassment. You can survive embarrassment, I promise.”

“Yeah, thanks sweetheart.”

TJ felt nervous about Bucky’s next steps, he promised to be there for Bucky, and if it turned out that Bucky was overwhelmed in the coming moments, TJ knew he was going to feel responsible. The endearment went a long way to reassure TJ that he could be the level of support Bucky needed, in spite of his own perceived shortcomings.

TJ’s hands dropped from Bucky’s neck as Bucky stood up. Their eyes met, and TJ smiled reassuringly, “it’s gonna be fine.”

“Your lips to God’s ear.” Bucky mustered a weak smile, holding his hand out to TJ. “Not alone.”

“Nope. Not alone.” TJ climbed off the bed, and followed Bucky from the room.

They found Sam and Steve where the cookies were, and Bucky paused before entering the room, “There he is.” Sam’s booming voice said.

“Wilson.” Bucky’s voice wavered. “Hey, thanks for… everything.”

“Anytime. How’s the pup?” Sam’s voice was earnest, his body language implied that he was open, and interested, and there was a smile.

“Waiting to hear more, she came out of it ok and was recovering from the anesthesia. Thanks for askin’.”

“So, TJ tells me they only found you through a bout of bad luck. Sorry to hear that.”

“Thanks.” Bucky sat down in a chair across from the sofa; he took a breath, and decided that with the single syllable he wasn’t trying hard enough. After a pause, he continued. “I think it was luck, but not all bad. It led me here. I wouldn’t have picked this path, but… I wouldn’t have it changed now that I know how it’s turning out.”

Bucky sat pondering what Sam knew and didn’t know about their arrangement, not wanting to out Steve before he was ready and nervous about his own reception, he sat on the edge of his seat, leaning his elbow on his knee, listening and watching. Was Sam aware? The discussion about New York and false leads did nothing to alleviate his curiosity and confusion. TJ was respectably distant, was he ashamed of the relationship after all? Bucky’s inner conversation was making him more nervous, but he couldn't stop processing the mixed signals and think about anything else.

The chirp of TJ’s phone succeeded to press Bucky’s last nerve, and he froze.

TJ saw how stricken Bucky looked and gently approached his chair, “Bucky?”

Bucky heard his name through the din of his thoughts and the incessant ringtone. He looked up at TJ, uncertain.

“Hand me the phone, I’ll answer, they’re probably just telling us to come get her. Or it’s my brother with some new complaint about my mom, or Anne’s morning sickness.”

TJ’s voice soothed the raw nerves and Bucky breathed a deep, cleansing breath before pulling the phone from his pocket. He handed it to TJ without looking at it, instead locking eye contact with TJ.

TJ sat on the arm of the chair, answering the call and rubbing Bucky’s shoulder tenderly. “Thank you, we’ll head out now. Do you think the sling would be a good idea? Or has she found her feet? Ok Thanks.”

“She’s awake and looking for you.” TJ told Bucky, kissing Bucky’s temple, “You can bring the sling, just in case, and Steve just might have to heft her into the truck.”

“I’d already been counting on it.” Steve said, standing up from the couch. “Sam? It’ll be a tight fit, but you’re welcome to come along.”

“Thanks, but I think I’ll go unpack a few things and torture myself with the smell of dinner cooking while you make the trip.” Sam said, watching Bucky carefully. TJ followed Bucky out of the room, and down the stairs before Sam asked, “Is he ok?”

“This has been a rough two weeks, and today’s the big day. He loves that dog Sam. If this hadn’t worked out, it wouldn’t have been a good day at all.”

“So, he and TJ?”

“Well, not just them. The three of us, actually.”

“No kiddin?”

“I’ve got more, it’ll have to wait.”

“I’m gonna hold you to it. I’m intrigued.”

“Not freaked out?”

“Nah. Go get the dog, you can tell me over dinner, is it dinner conversation?”

“Probably ought to be more dinners where it is.” Steve grinned, “Yeah, it’s fit for dinner conversation.”

Steve hurried after Bucky and TJ, leaving Sam to consider just how much he wasn’t surprised by the revelation.

As Sam moved to stand up, he spotted the open sketchbook on the coffee table. Instead of going to his room to unpack, Sam picked up the sketchbook and sat back against the couch cushions. Music softly playing in the background serenaded him as he looked at sketches in ink that reflected a sense of peace. There was an idyllic panorama that depicted the farm as Sam hadn’t seen it yet. In the monochromatic sketch, the sun was setting over a fenced field, with an ancient tree completing the golden triangle.

Another page was Barnes and Sam assumed his, whoa, that’s a huge dog. There was something about the image that helped Sam come to terms with his own frustration over the latest “Steve saving Barnes no matter how insane” episode. It froze a moment in time that Steve had kept with him for almost a century, yet it was recent. Steve drew, and Sam was seeing, a soldier finding peace after war, a longer series of wars than Sam could imagine. Not a goddamned nuisance, not a global threat, a man who could – maybe – be saved after all.

That took Sam back to the ‘getting things ready for Yana to come home’ delay, in which both TJ and Steve had disappeared for longer than just a quick check, and the uncertain, unsolicited blanket ‘thanks’ when Barnes finally emerged.

Sam sat with one hand on the sketchbook; the forefinger of his other hand traced his bottom lip as he considered Bucky Barnes from this afternoon. He’d looked the same to Sam, oh maybe he was slimmer than when they’d fought together, after weeks on the streets. Then he looked – Sam was _not_ going to call the goddamned winter soldier soft, or approachable, or – dammit, he looked scared. The love, conveyed by the man in this sketch, for this giant beast had made him frightened. The thought of taking down five super soldiers didn’t give him pause, but losing a stray dog put the fear of god in him and Sam might not hate him as much as he professed.

“Can it Wilson. You looked for him for weeks, you heard what Barton said, and you worked _with him and Nat_ to spearhead the search. You stopped hating him somewhere in Germany.”

The voice in his head was loud and clear, stop being an ass, Steve was in love with the guy. He couldn’t be as bad as Sam kept trying to convince himself he was and did he _really_ want to be the guy who hated the person his best friend loved?

Sam turned the page to Barnes in some complicated pose, was it yoga or ballet? He’d seen and tried to follow along with Steve learning Ballet from Natasha, and that shit was _not easy_. How did some beefy guy like Barnes manage to look graceful with all that beef and just one arm anyway?

The next page was just as artsy, TJ at the piano, a really nice view from probably right where Sam was sitting right now. TJ was so into what he was playing, it was as if the world had ceased to exist. Except that it hadn’t, because here was Steve’s viewpoint, in sharply detailed pen strokes, and that moment that TJ had looked up, it must have been a scant second or less, but Steve had captured it. It was a cyclical image of adoration, TJ adoring the man who adoringly drew him as he played the piano.

It was like walking through Steve’s heart, looking at this book. Sam could almost imagine putting it down in shame, but it was left out in the open, opened up to a page… Sam leafed through the pages, until he found it. The most ‘revealing’ picture yet, was Barnes and TJ kissing, were they naked? Simply shirtless? _“what makes you happy?”, “I don’t know.”_ That was so long ago, before Steve knew his friend (his lover?) had survived. Of course he’d been confused, he was not only mourning Peggy’s failing health and all the years lost with her, he was mourning his friend _and_ lover.

“I’m willing to bet _this_ makes you happy.” Sam said, tapping the page. Not just the boys kissing, but the art. That picture alone should be on display somewhere it could be appreciated. Though probably not while the mother of one of the ‘boys’ was still president.

“About damned time he figured it out.” Sam continued talking to himself. He set the book down, still open to the same page. He stood up and walked the circumference of the room, taking in the warm, homey feel of everything from the lace curtains, to the cozy furniture and the big screen television, which seemed out of place, but promised some entertainment, he hoped. Sam’s fingers trailed along the piano, iconically stocked with pictures in frames, young TJ and Douglas Hammond as many people had never seen them, just being kids. There were, what Sam assumed, other Hammond kids and grandkids, and of course, former president Hammond before he was the infamous politician.

Natasha had told him that TJ felt safe here, and that she understood why. Sam could see why this would be a place of refuge. He left the room and went into his similarly ‘homey’ room. This room sported darker fabrics, and the same lace curtains. If you looked up “classic bedroom” in the dictionary, this would be the image. Through the nervous chatter, TJ had said this had been his room, and he could see snippets of that in the snapshots tucked under the mirror frame, a few awards dotted the bookshelf. Sam ran his finger over the smooth acrylic treble clef trophy with a plate engraved with TJ’s full name. Young, toothy grinned TJ smiled out of a photograph holding the award in a small frame next to it.

What was that boy doing with these two? He should pull him aside and tell him to get out while he was ahead. Sam thought back to TJ sitting on the arm of the chair, kissing Barnes tenderly, that wasn’t gonna happen. He wasn’t ahead, he was head first in trouble. Worse than Sam ever had been, because as devoted to Steve as Sam was, TJ was _in love_ , with the dangerous one, and Steve was in love with both of them.

Sam turned to unpack his bag, t-shirts relocated in small stacks from the duffel to the drawers, a jacket spread out between the shirts and the flat layer of jeans found its way to a hanger, and then the jeans landed in another drawer. Sam carried his toiletry bag to the bathroom that was shared by the remainder of bedrooms on the second level. A bathroom he assumed would be solely his, considering the master bathroom would be shared by the others. “Hah. Not sharing a bathroom. I’ve got the better end of the bargain.” Sam grinned at his reflection. He heard the truck outside. Wow, it’d been that long already?

He figured he should go see if they needed help with the dog, not that Barnes couldn’t out lift him onehanded.


	14. Chapter 14

TJ drove to the clinic, while Steve sat in the back and Bucky rode quietly in the passenger seat. The fifteen minute drive was less daunting than the one they’d made that morning. TJ felt the difference, this time Bucky’s anxiety was to verify that his girl was ok, not an overwhelming fear that he was saying ‘goodbye’ for the last time. Bucky even reached over and turned the volume up on the stereo at one point when the gravel road was competing with the bass of the song by the Kinks. TJ smiled when he recognized the song as “Better Things”. Sometimes the universe was a sweetheart. She wasn’t always slamming them in the face with hurt.

“I know tomorrow you’ll find better things…” TJ sang along with the song, his smile widening when he looked over at Bucky.

Bucky had been in his own head for long enough, the song was indiscernible, and he nearly turned it off, but decided to turn it up and give it a chance. When TJ started singing along to the upbeat, catchy song and cast that smile on him, Bucky was glad he hadn’t turned it off. He was going to get his girl, he had Steve and TJ, and whatever happened while Sam was there, he’d make the best of it. Hopefully in this case his mom would be wrong about “fish and company”. Bucky let out a quick chuckle and tossed TJ a look he _hoped_ conveyed gratitude.

As they pulled into the spot closest to the door at the clinic, Bucky's chest tightened and his eyes started to sting. Steve climbed out first, pulling the ramp out of the truck bed, Bucky watched, wondering where that came from, and hoping he could adequately thank everyone who had done anything to make Yana’s coming home easier. Bucky eased out of the passenger seat, taking deep breaths along the way. He wanted to run inside, but he was afraid of what he’d find and concerned he’d upset Yana. Steve clapped him on the shoulder, “remember, don’t be alarmed at the injury site, they might not have bandaged it.”

“I remember. I read everything TJ showed us, I’m not worried about that. You’ve seen my scars; you know I don’t care about that. I’m trying to get my head in the right place so she doesn’t get upset, if she’s not so out of it. I…”

“Don’t know what to expect, there are so many possibilities, we don’t even know if she’ll use the ramp or if we’ll have to lift her in. Focus on the best news we have so far, they called and she’s looking for you.” Steve squeezed Bucky’s shoulder reassuringly.

TJ waited at the front of the truck, “I’m excited to see her, I’ve missed her.” He offered as Steve and Bucky approached. “Let’s take her home Bucky.”

Bucky let TJ slip his arm across his waist before he started up the stone walk. He liked the warm country feel of the outside of the clinic juxtaposed with the clean, modern hospital inside. It had given him confidence from the start where Yana’s care was concerned. He led the way through the door and was met by the same kind-faced girl as that first day, “Bucky, your girl has been looking for you every time someone opens the door to her room. She’s been very good. You can head back, Dr. Bates is waiting."

“I’m going to sign her out Bucky, you and Steve go get her, ok?” TJ said quietly, rubbing his hand over the small of Bucky’s back.

“Yeah, TJ, will you help me with something when we get home? I need to know who did what for Yana, I need to properly thank everyone. I just don’t know what I’d do if she was still suffering because I couldn’t do any of this for her.”

“Of course, there’s going to be a lot of down-time, we’ll make a list.” TJ brushed a kiss on Bucky’s jaw. “You’ve got this. Go get her.”

Bucky knew it was a stall tactic, he knew TJ knew that too. He could have asked in the car or at home but he was terrified. Shaking in his boots terrified and he didn’t want Yana to sense that. It wasn’t the wound, it wasn’t the lost limb, it was Yana. People were forgiving him left and right for doing heinous things, and she’d loved him without knowing, or caring. Now he’d brought her here, and he let them take her apart. Would she forgive him?

Bucky stepped through the final door that separated them with a lump in his throat and his chest was tight. He saw her lounging on the bed in the room, this vet clinic had an open recovery space? This place was heaven for dogs. Bucky dropped to his knees in front of Yana’s bed when she lifted her head and awkwardly, groggily pushed herself upright. “Sweet girl.” He crooned as he closed the distance and put his hands in the ample skin and fur at her neck. “I missed you and you’ve been such a good girl.”

Yana lazily licked Bucky’s ear and neck and he pulled back to look at her face, her eyes were glassy and he smiled fondly at her dopey look. The doctor and Steve stood a few feet back, giving him time. He looked down at the spot where her sutures angrily held her body in one piece and back up to her yawning face. He didn’t know if that was a nervous yawn or an ‘I’m so drugged up I just want to love on you and sleep’ yawn. “Such a good girl.”  Bucky said, putting his hand on her good left shoulder.

He stood up carefully, not wanting the balance thing to be an issue right now, and not wanting her to try to hurry to follow him. He clipped her leash to her collar in case she was going to be up to walking. Steve had the sling for more backup, and was there to carry her if that was the way things turned out. Bucky turned to look at the doctor.

“Mister Barnes, Yana’s doing as expected. Charlotte will have given TJ her medications and instructions, keep an eye on her wound site, she’ll need an e-collar if she starts scratching at the area. Help her navigate the rough terrain, like stairs. She should be able to find her way over flat ground, although you might want to use the sling while she’s still groggy.

Yana pushed up onto her hind legs after a couple of ineffective kicks to get her feet under herself properly. Bucky stood close as she wobbled a little. She made a gangly first step, Bucky was caught between worry and humor as he watched her dopily step forward. She leaned toward him, which was exactly his hope, and she didn’t seem to notice that he’d put himself on the opposite side of what she tended to favor. That was good, because she was supposed to _lean_ _on him_ this time instead of _supporting him_.

Bucky listened to the rest of the doctor’s instructions and watched Yana as they walked toward the door. He watched her all the way down the hallway to where TJ waited. Yana tried to pick up her speed, but Bucky called her to stop. She quickly corrected and TJ came to her, stooping to give her a kiss. “You’ve been missed. Let’s go home sweet girl.”

TJ stood up and put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, “you ok?”

“Yeah.” He breathed the word. “Yeah, I think so. Let’s find out huh?”

TJ smiled, he knew how that felt, to _think_ you were ok, only to realize you’ve been there before and you just might be _so_ _fucking_ _wrong_. “Ok, let’s go home and find out.”

Yana made good progress across the floor, they’d rolled out carpet runners over their typically white tile floors, and TJ was grateful that this place was so damned cool. He knew that this was the hardest thing Bucky’d ever chosen to do and they made it a little better by scheduling it on a Saturday so that it was only Yana, giving her the run of the place, and he didn’t give one flying fuck that it was out of privilege. He’d gotten so many more perks out of that privilege and yet he knew this was the best perk ever.

Steve wasn’t far behind them, still carrying the sling, she might need it for the trek up the ramp, if she was brave enough to try it. He watched as TJ and Bucky walked ahead with the dog and watched Yana’s drugged up gait, curious how it would change once she was less groggy. He smiled, the dog was listing to the left, bumping against Bucky’s right thigh. It was opposite of her usual On Bucky’s Left, but it was endearing that she seemed to know that the roles could reverse.

She stopped dead at the foot of the ramp, looking into the truck, as though trying to figure out how to navigate the obstacle. Bucky looked up at Steve when he appeared at his side, he had the sling ready to loop under her chest. “Hey Yana, let’s see how this works.” Steve said, taking the sling ends and securing them around her, careful to avoid her incision. He handed the sling handles to Bucky, the best chance of her using the sling and ramp were in Bucky’s hands. After a couple of encouraging words, she stepped onto the ramp with her front leg, and then one back leg crept forward.

“Good girl.” Bucky crooned, lifting the sling to encourage each step closer to the pickup. Her feet followed, she scrambled a little but mounted the top of the ramp. Bucky stepped back while Steve pulled the ramp away and closed the door. Once she was secure, Bucky rounded the pickup and climbed in next to where Yana was already lying on a blanket. She dropped her head in his lap heavily, with a deep sigh. Bucky rested his hand on her shoulder, just inches from the wound site. “We have your bed all ready to go sweetheart.”

Steve climbed into the passenger seat, and TJ got into the cab of the truck, handing the medications to Steve, “you know, I probably shouldn’t have these.”

“Why not? Oh. Oh?”

“Yeah, they’re the same thing, but no, I’m not going to use the dog’s meds. I haven’t these past two weeks. I was just being an asshole. People might _think_ they were for me. Even paying for them with the farm account, hell, someone might trace my payment to the farm account to the drugs though. I just love “ _investigative reporters_ ”.”

“Wow. That’s crazy.” Steve said, “Have you been tempted?”

“Nah. I can honestly say the last time I was tempted to anything drug related was as I was going into the gas station bathroom to wash blood off my hands. That was a weird and disturbing night.”

“I’m sorry TJ.” Bucky said from the back seat.

“You bled on me, you should be sorry.” TJ teased. “I don’t want you to be sorry. It was weird and disturbing, but it also ended up pretty well, I think.”

“I’m glad it wasn’t all bad.” Bucky smiled, knowing TJ could see him through the mirror. “Everything brought us here, so… it wasn’t all bad for me either. TJ, what was that song we heard earlier?”

“Better Things – from The Kinks. Should I download it?”

“Yeah, I liked it.” Bucky answered, moving his hand to Yana’s head.

“You have a great singing voice TJ.” Steve said, still looking at the bag of medications. He pulled out the printout and looked it over, “You should sing more often.”

“I give my best performances in the shower.” TJ chuckled as the words came out. “I sing best in there too.”

The three of them laughed at TJ’s joke. Bucky thought about his earlier idea, and thought maybe tonight wasn’t the best option. He’d be busy thinking about Yana, listening for her, later he’d have to talk to TJ. Wait, the discussion really involved the three of them and this was as much privacy as they’d get for a few days, so, “You know how we were considering, – I kinda implied that we’d be doing something.” He stopped. “I mean, when we were talking about sex earlier, and I implied that tonight might be a good time? I don’t think tonight’s gonna be the right time.”

“Well I did say whenever you’re ready, so… You’re right, because Yana will need care and she’s definitely the priority.”

“So I can stay?” Steve asked with a smirk.

“You can stay. Unless you end up staying up all night, catching up with Sam.” Bucky scratched Yana’s head and smiled when she groaned. “Yana thinks – even with drugs – that I’m not funny.”

“I agree with Yana.” Steve smirked. He felt his phone vibrate and pulled it from his pocket. “Nat’s checking on Yana. You want to talk to her or should I just send a text?”

“Send a message, tell her thanks, and tell her how she’s doing.” Bucky watched the road, glancing down at the sleeping dog on his leg occasionally. “TJ, are you ok?”

“Yeah. I’m fine, why?”

“Just, you’ve been quiet and I hope I didn’t upset you.”

“Of course not. I hadn’t even realized that tonight was implied. No worries Bucky. I was thinking that I forgot to put dinner in the oven and now I don’t know what we were having for dinner. Lunch was a long time ago. Or breakfast, or whatever that was.”

“Ok, so what’s the verdict?”

“We might be eating chili – it’s quick and easy.” TJ said. “I don't even know what to fix, if I was in the mood to actually fix anything resembling real food. Times like this, makes me miss delivery service.”

“I haven’t really taken a look in the kitchen, you don’t mind helping me if I find something interesting?”

“I could help, I guess.”

“Should I go up and get Yana’s bed?” Steve asked, “I can easily put it back when it’s time for bed.”

“Yeah, about that?” TJ said, “That’s not necessary. I ordered another and it should be there when we get home. I thought we should have one downstairs too.”

“Jesus, I don’t know how I’m gonna make everything up to everyone.” Bucky sighed. “Thank you TJ.”

“I kinda love Yana more than just a crush like I thought. I’m doing it for her, not for you. She’s already repaid me, and since it’s her gift and not yours, you don’t get to make anything up to me.”

“Ok smartass. But still, thank you.”

“You know I’d do anything for either of you, any of you. I’m no super soldier, but I can buy something to make somebody’s life easier. I’m a trust-fund brat and I’ve done my damage. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to do soft, kind things.”

“I understand.” Bucky said quietly. “I really do.”

Steve finished his text series with Natasha and looked up, “You’re both good at soft. Keep up the good work.”

**…**

The truck rumbled along the drive to the farm, and Bucky kept his arm firmly over Yana’s ribs, holding her securely on the seat as she trustingly snoozed on his lap while TJ rolled to a smooth stop. Steve and TJ hopped out before Bucky bothered to rouse Yana. “Hey you, we’re home sweet girl.” Bucky said sweetly as he lifted her heavy head from his leg. “Come on.” His smile was soft as she looked up at him dazedly.

Steve opened the door, and then looked at Bucky, “She’s not gonna turn around too gracefully, I’d better put the ramp on the other side. Hang on.”

“Ok.” Bucky said to the air where Steve had been standing. He opened the door on his side while he tried half-heartedly to continue to wake Yana further. He was glad he did when the ramp settled against the pickup with a thud. She looked up lazily and tried to push up on her front leg. Bucky helped her with his hand under her chest. Once she was sitting, she stretched and whined softly before kicking her hind legs into position so that she could stand up.

Bucky slipped the sling under her chest and slid out of the car, relatively gracefully, down the ramp, Steve reached in to take Yana’s sling and they encouraged her to come down the ramp. She stopped midway. Bucky and TJ both held their breath as she looked like she was going to jump off, but Steve held her sling up, gently redirecting her to make the rest of the trek down the ramp.

“Jesus I’m glad you two are here.” Bucky breathed. “TJ for financial and tons of emotional support and you, Stevie, for brute strength, an extra arm and your typical stoic brick wall support. I couldn’t love you more.”

Bucky took Yana’s leash and led her to the house, she navigated the yard decently, and he wandered with her around the grass until she found a spot to do her business. “What a good girl, that’s gotta be so awkward isn’t it Yana?” Bucky said with a small laugh. “I am so proud of you.”

She stumbled a little righting herself but with Bucky to lean against, she corrected well enough and looked up at Bucky.

“You’re ready then? Ok, let’s go find your new bed. You can sleep in the kitchen while I fix dinner.”

TJ stood at the top of the steps, leaning on the post, watching Bucky walk and talk with Yana. He’d done a lot of that over the past two weeks, listening to Bucky’s kind voice telling Yana things he was thinking or feeling, even though TJ never tried to make out the quiet Russian-English conversation. He did hear Bucky doing a lot of praising her, and maybe trying to spend as many minutes as he could letting her know he loved her. Now he was praising her because he was so grateful to have her back, and both were endearing. TJ fell more and more in love with Bucky, the more he watched and listened. When they reached the bottom step, TJ looked at Bucky, “you’re so beautiful when you’re in the zone with her.”

“TJ.” Bucky stopped, overcome by emotion, looking up toward TJ. He looked down at the steps and at Yana as she considered the steps. “You want to go find TJ, Яночка?”

Bucky too keach step in time with Yana, reaffirming her confidence that he was at her side. She mounted the final step and Bucky stepped around her to put his arm around TJ. “TJ… you’re amazing, and I wanted to be ridiculous and plan something stupid but I can’t. I just have to say it.”

TJ put his hands on Bucky’s neck, looking into his dusty blue eyes, “Ok?”

“I think I love you. I mean – I don’t think – I know. I love you TJ, I know it’s sudden, it’s fast, it’s probably the last thing you wanted to hear.”

“Jesus no.” TJ laughed, pulling Bucky closer, kissing him quickly, “No. It’s not the last thing. It’s one of the greatest things. I didn’t expect to hear it from you, or from Steve, but to have you both be idiots on the same day is more than I could have hoped." at Yana's groan, he added, "We should take this girl in; our poorly timed declarations are none of her concern right now.”

Bucky smiled at TJ’s rambling as he turned to lead Yana into the house.

“Oh, and Bucky?” TJ called before Bucky crossed the threshold, Bucky turned, careful not to throw himself off balance or trip over Yana. His eyes met TJ’s, and TJ smiled, “I love you too.”

Bucky almost did lose his balance then, it was more a lightheadedness. “I didn’t know it was gonna be so important, you know?” Bucky said when TJ stepped closer, and together they stepped through the doorway, following Yana.

Steve stood in the doorway to the kitchen, “her bed’s set up near the island but out of the kitchen path.”

“Go find Stevie, Яночка.” Bucky said softly, and watched her maneuver herself across the carpet runner.

“What’s so important?” TJ asked when Bucky turned to him.

“Hearing it. You show _every day_ how you feel. I had an idea that it wasn’t one-sided, but hearing it. It’s important.”

“Then I’ll tell you often. You’ll get tired of it.” TJ smirked. He heard Sam’s voice in the kitchen, talking to Steve and possibly fawning over Yana. “So, you still want me to be your sous chef?”

“I do. Let’s go see what we can find.” Bucky’s smile was tender as he put his arm over TJ’s shoulder. He looked from TJ to see where Yana was, happy to see that she’d found the bed and was already lying on her left side, with her incision away from the bed.

“You help her figure that out?” TJ asked Steve. He opened the refrigerator to find vegetables. He had to thank the caretaker somehow. He didn’t do much more than pull dinners out and sometimes grab a snack. He’d gotten lazy from the prepared meals that had been sent ahead and brought in quietly. He found a butcher paper wrapped bundle and looked at Steve. Bucky’d already admitted he hadn’t looked in the fridge. Steve smirked.

“I did. I also asked for some bacon for breakfast, that we could fix for ourselves. I think the meals are great, but I think maybe, we should actually do a bit more here, and when Buck said he wanted to cook something, it just made sense.”

“I see something else,” TJ pulled it out, it was labeled ‘ribeye’ in the familiar handwriting of the butcher. “Bucky, you feel like making steak?”

Bucky grinned, all the prepared casserole type dinners had been good, and they’d been comfort foods, but this sounded amazing. “Well, I feel like eating steak, so I can be motivated to feel like cooking it.”

Bucky rubbed Yana’s head before standing up and crossing to the sink to wash his hand. TJ bumped his hip while Bucky used the towel to scrub between his fingers. Bucky turned and flicked the towel at TJ. “What?”

“Just passing through.” TJ grinned. He walked around to see Yana stretched out across the dog bed, leaning against the wall of the island and decided against disturbing her, as much as he wanted to give her more loves.

Sam and Steve were sitting at the table by the window, watching the two of them. “She seems comfortable.” Sam said. “I mean, as much as you could imagine she’d be. So, this dinner table conversation?”

“Well, bottom line? I once thought I was gay. I realized I liked guys, well, Buck, and I liked girls. The only thing about that was I really wasn’t interested in going all the way. I didn’t fit into any group and it bothered me if I thought about it too much. It was only recently that I discovered there was a group where I did belong. I’m asexual. Biromantic asexual, I guess if you want to boil it down.”

Sam nodded, thinking. He pursed his lips before saying anything – not sure if questions made him appear interested in his friend, homophobic, or ignorant. He considered his words carefully. “So, how does that play into the relationship you announced that the three of you are involved in?”

“It’s a polyamorous relationship. One that TJ, Bucky, and I are still figuring out.”

“TJ? How much can we discuss? I mean if I say something about our relationship, where do you draw the line?” Bucky asked.

“I don’t have any lines. I’ve been in fleeting poly moments before, but never a full-fledged poly relationship before now.”

“Ok, so TJ and I haven’t gone beyond kissing. We all kiss, there’s a lot of kissing.” Bucky teased. “Even Steve likes kissing.”

Steve dipped his head in an endearing embarrassed smirk-pout combination that TJ was getting used to seeing, and was all too familiar to Sam. “I do like it. If you ever wanna kiss a guy, Sam, one of these two is your best bet.”

“Thanks for the info.” Sam chuckled.

“I’m pretty sure that’s all Sam wants to know about that facet of our relationship.” TJ laughed.

“I’m going to be coming out in a couple of weeks Sam. Before we go back to Wakanda for Bucky’s prosthetic.”

“You are. Well that should set a new fire. Are you ready for another battle so soon? Wait, who am I talkin’ to?”

“I gotta do it Sam. I owe it to that kid 70 years ago who thought something was wrong with him. I owe it to who I am now. I want to walk the streets with my boyfriends, and not be two feet away while they are arm-in-arm. I owe it to Bucky to be honest about who I am, and I owe it to TJ because he’s had enough of people not respecting him enough to be open. Bottom line, I think kids will benefit from it.”

“Ok. So I’m glad to hear you’re first in the argument for a change. Although I’m glad you’re doing it for yourself, and for all the other reasons, you don’t have to sell me on it. You know not everybody will be as accepting, right? It’s your coming out party man. Do you have a plan?”

“I know, but I can take it. I have to do it Sam. We talked about a kind of a plan.” Steve said, looking from TJ to Bucky. “I like the ideas they cooked up, we’re going to start with social media.”

Sam laughed. TJ smiled and rolled his eyes, as Bucky smirked from where he was heating the skillet. “Social media?” Sam asked.

“Yeah. I have to get used to it, if I want to reach the people I think it will most benefit.”

“TJ hold this, I’ll chop it. Unless you think you want to give it a shot?” Bucky said, still listening to the social media discussion.

TJ looked at the onion and at Bucky. “You’re asking me do I trust you to chop it while I hold it, over trusting myself. You know that’s about a dead heat right?”

“I just need a couple inches of your fingers.” Bucky winked.

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

Bucky set the onion down and took TJ’s left hand. He curled TJ’s fingers under then set TJ’s hand on the onion. “Don’t move it. Pretend you trust me. When the knife gets here…” Bucky showed him the tiny distance he wanted him to watch for, “move your hand back this much.”

“Pretend you trust him.” Sam said, as if that was the only option.

“I trust Bucky. I don’t know if I trust myself.”

“Do what I said and you’ll be fine.” Bucky sidled up to TJ in front of the onion and proceeded to half then score and dice the onion. TJ watched as the knife slipped effortlessly through the onion, and he kept a close eye on the distance of the knife from his hand. “See?” Bucky said victoriously as he set the knife down. “You did fine.”

“You guys left and I wondered about your sanity, TJ. Now I know you’re as crazy as the rest of us.” Sam said, shaking his head. “That was some dumbass shit.”

“I don’t know what we accomplished.” TJ laughed, “I’m pretty sure Bucky was just showing off.”

“We accomplished diced onions.” Bucky answered, taking the cutting board to the skillet and dumping the onions into the pan. “You get to slice these.” Bucky indicated the vegetables.

“Ok, I guess I did sign up for this.” TJ fussed around for a second before taking charge of his duty. “No comments from the peanut gallery.”

Bucky and TJ worked together comfortably and got everything done in a reasonably timed order, while Sam and Steve continued to talk and joke about Steve’s “coming out party”. TJ took a bowl of salad to the table, smiling at their silliness, while the potatoes finished up. Bucky pulled the hot foods together with only a few challenges where he’d have to ask TJ for a hand.

“Ok. I think we’re good.” Bucky announced. “Come and get your hot food. I’m not gonna juggle it across the room.”

Bucky stood back against the fridge while Sam dished up potato and steak. Steve stepped up to Bucky, putting a hand on his neck and rubbing. ‘You ok?”

“Yeah, I just discovered how long today’s been.”

“Tired?”

“Emotionally shot. I think I can keep it together for a couple more hours.”

“You don’t have to. If you’re tired, go up.” Steve encouraged Bucky.

“I’m hungry too, and really shouldn’t just go to bed right after I eat. I’m fine, I promise. Once we’re on the sofa and Яночка is upstairs in her bed, I think I’ll be able to settle.”

“Go sit down, I’ll get your plate. You deserve to take a break.” Steve steered Bucky toward the table, and TJ took over, leading him the rest of the way.

“You guys.” Bucky contested the kid gloves treatment.

“Nope. You have been a tough cookie all day, and then you fixed dinner. It’s time to sit down.” TJ took Bucky’s plate from Steve and set it on the table. “Besides, it might be making Sam uncomfortable us doting on you, so enjoy it.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “I’ve only just met you Hammond. I don’t know what I did to offend you.”

“Aw, Sam. Give him this one.” TJ grinned. He went back to the stove, and pulled a pan of brownies off the top of the fridge uncovering them before he put the pan into the oven. “We can have brownies a la mode when we’re done.”

“You guys eat like this every night?”

“Somewhat. I mean, dessert isn’t a constant. Today required extra sweetness, so I made some requests ahead of time. We usually have a casserole or baked dish because they’re made ahead and stocked in the freezer, but I didn’t think that far ahead. These two can definitely out-eat me.”

“Yeah, welcome to the normal metabolism club.” Sam agreed with a grin.

Bucky wasn’t up to keeping up with his metabolism, he ate a rough third of his potato, pushed his plate quietly toward TJ with his steak knife, and after TJ cut the steak into bite sizes, Bucky had a few bites of the meat before picking up his plate, and walking over to Yana’s bed. He lowered himself to the floor next to the bed, leaning against the island, and put a piece of steak in front of her nose. He smiled to himself when she wrinkled her nose and snuffed at it, licking her jowly lips. She looked up at him and Bucky whispered, “You an’ me gal, like always.” Bucky fed Yana several bites of steak, more than he’d imagined she’d be interested in. He popped another piece of steak into his own mouth, feeling just a little less of the weight on his shoulders. “I’m sorry I abandoned you today. That’s not who we are, is it Яночка?”

Yana bumped Bucky’s elbow with her head, making him laugh. “Yeah, there’s more. I’m trying to make sure you don’t overdo it. One more and I’ll save the rest for you. Deal?”

TJ watched as Bucky visibly relaxed sitting on the floor next to Yana. He knew he was emotionally exhausted, but this quiet moment looked like Bucky was finding a little emotional recharge. TJ laughed to himself as he thought of Yana as Bucky’s personal charging station. Steve and Sam exchanged glances at TJ’s laugh, and looked over at Bucky as he sat quietly conversing with the sleepy dog. “She’s a very special dog.” Steve said fondly.

“I can see that. I’ll tell you one thing; she’s a good fit for him, big & scary, and hopelessly misunderstood.”

“Aw Wilson, I didn’t know you cared.” Bucky teased from where he now had his head buried in Yana’s neck, not quite using her as a pillow, but not exactly _not_ using her as a pillow. “Thanks man.”

TJ finished his plate and collected it as well as empty salad plates.

“Let me help you.” Steve told TJ, taking half of the dishes from TJ, to load into the dishwasher. “Just let me know if I’m more of a hindrance than a help.”

“You’re doing just fine.” TJ said as he patted Steve’s butt when he passed him. “I’ll trade you though, you can dish the ice cream, and I’ll finish cleaning.”

“You got the wrong end of that deal TJ. You should learn to negotiate better.” Sam laughed.

“No I did not.” TJ grinned at Sam, “He’s obviously stronger than me, and he can scoop the frozen tundra with ease.”

“Sam, don’t underestimate this one.” Steve chuckled as he pulled the brownie pan from the warm oven. “You’ll be sorry.”

TJ worked around Steve in the kitchen, clearing up the counter and stove, placing dishes in the dishwasher with a smile. He walked around to the other side of the island as he wiped it clean and saw Bucky curled up on the floor, sleeping next to Yana’s head, using the dog bed as a pillow. “Only scoop 3.” He told Steve quietly as he picked up Bucky’s dinner plate from the floor and pointed toward the spot by his feet where the sleeping duo rested.

Steve nodded and looked around to see the sight TJ had pointed out. Tears welled as he thought about all that the pair must have gone through. He imagined them out on the cool autumn concrete huddled in the dark, closer to each other than Yana’s current injury would allow. He considered how alone Bucky must have felt before she’d found him, fear dogging his every decision as he tried to battle the paranoia and still succeed in avoiding the real danger. Steve knew that she made Bucky feel more protected, and he was just realizing how much confidence she must have provided for Bucky too.

Once Steve had scooped dessert, he knelt next to Bucky, softly touching his cheek, “hey Buck, let me help you get Yana upstairs so you can go to bed, come on pal.”

Bucky opened his eyes, touched Steve’s arm, and then Yana’s head. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. Let’s just get her upstairs to the bedroom. You’ve both had a rough day.”

Bucky sat up, feeling embarrassed, but too tired to dwell on it. He reached for his plate, but realized it had been moved. He took Steve’s offered hand and stood up, letting go quickly to cover his mouth as he yawned. “I thought I had a couple more hours in me. Looks like I miscalculated.” He apologized. “Яночка, come on sweetheart.”

Steve was rousing her, in hopes that she’d let them use the sling to help her get up the stairs. She sat up as Bucky repeated her name, wobbling and looking horribly disoriented. Steve stood close by as she found her feet, letting her steady herself before slipping the sling under her chest. “What a good girl.” Steve and Bucky said together. Steve handed the sling to Bucky, opting to follow in case he needed to sweep her up at any point, and they managed to escort her slowly up the stairs.

“I’m gonna be that guy.” Sam said. “How are you not jealous of them?”

“I guess because I love ‘em both, and I recognize that they need each other. Seeing them happy makes me feel good. Sure, there have been moments, but I’d call them wishful, not jealous. I don’t waste time on those though. If I do, I’ll miss the times when Steve sketches _just me_ in some dreamy looking picture, or some tender look from Bucky meant just for me. I know I’ll never have the history they do, but I can enjoy the stories they share. I have one-on-one time with Steve, and with Bucky. They have the same together, and then there are the times we’re all together. It’s really not as messy as you’d imagine. Or as Dirty.”

“Now I didn’t say anything about that.”

“I know, but people are people. It might have been a curiosity. It’s gonna be weird for you too, Sam. When Steve comes out, he’s not just saying, “I’m queer.” He’s walking away with his infamous boyfriends – plural -his bisexual boyfriend _and_ his gay one. Being associated with that, people will talk, and the talk will come around to you at some point. You’ve been with Steve through hell and high water, so I don’t doubt you’ll just trudge through this fire too, but I want you to know people suck.”

“Don’t I know it? TJ, I _have_ been through some shit following that walking paragon of righteousness, some of it at the hands of the other one. I believe in Steve. I absolutely don’t give a single fuck what people think of me. I worry for him. Does he know the level of hate he’s going to face?”

“I don’t know. I tried to tell him, but he’s ‘gotta do this’. I agree, he does, and as you said, I’m glad he’s considered himself in the equation. I’m willing to bet that skinny guy with compromised health was shunned and got a lot of shit thrown at him, and he faced that, and some of the biggest, baddest soldier types when being considered for Project Rebirth. I’m sure he’s well versed in the level of hate that people are capable of throwing out there. It doesn’t matter. I just plan to be around for him when it hits him. And as for _the other one_. You have a right to be angry. But have you ever put yourself in his place just to consider where he’s come from? Have you ever imagined what it would be like to be captured and tortured? Mutilated?”

“I have, actually. I don’t hate him TJ. We have a complicated relationship. We have common ground in that we both care a lot for Steve, it’ll take time. He’s let you in, that’s different. He’s gonna need time to seriously let me in.”

“I agree, he’ll need time, because he _thinks_ you hate him, and he’s embarrassed by everything he’s done and how you see him because of it.”

TJ hoped telling this to Sam wasn’t a betrayal, but the man who fell asleep on the floor with his dog, the man who was terrified to come out of the bedroom all due to embarrassment, deserved to have somebody who _wasn’t_ _Steve_ stand up for him.


	15. Chapter 15

Bucky followed every slow step Yana made up the staircase, praising her each time she started again after a quick break. He was tired and _just wanted to lie down_ but this wasn’t about him, it was about the dog that had quite literally saved his life. Once the stairs were surmounted, he let one end of the sling drop and gathered it in his hand, leading Yana into the bedroom and to her bed.

He stood at her side, as he watched her step onto the mattress. First, tentatively placing her front leg and then hiking her hind leg. She wobbled, leaning heavily against him, until both rear legs were stabilized on the insanely high-quality orthopedic dog mattress.

If _he_ was tired and didn’t want anything more than sleep, he imagined that if Yana had words, she’d call him an “ungrateful fuck”. She was drugged, expected to walk, and maneuver, with no previous knowledge of how to operate as an amputee. He couldn't even cut his steak, without help, he could just suck it up until she figured this shit out already.

“Bucky?” Steve asked from the edge of the bed. The people bed.

“Yeah?”

“You ok? You look a little distracted.”

“I was calling myself out, imagining _her_ calling me out. I was mentally whining about how tired I am and imagined she’d be cursing me a blue streak if she could.”

Steve laughed, putting his hand on Bucky’s arm. “It’s ok to feel overwhelmed. It’s ok to call him out too Yana. Not that she ever would, she worships you Buck.”

Bucky gave Steve’s hand a squeeze before stooping to help ease an increasingly agitated Yana down to the bed. “There’s a good girl. I know. You’ll get the hang of it, once your head clears, things won’t be so scary.”

Bucky sat next to Steve, nudged up against his hip, and curled into his embrace as soon as Steve offered his arm as a safe place. “I know it’s just the day. I’m sorry I wasn’t better company. I’m really trying with Sam, I promise. He took care of you, I like him for that alone.”

“I know.” Steve planted a kiss on Bucky’s temple. “You’re fine. You have no obligations, not a single one, beyond you and Yana. Let your own head clear.”

Steve moved from the bed and knelt at Bucky’s feet, removing his boots and socks. He proceeded to unbuckle Bucky’s belt and unzip his jeans. “up.” He commanded quietly, offering a hand, and then pushed Bucky’s jeans down over his hips. “Some of TJ’s pajamas? Or your skivvies?”

“Pajamas, could you open the window a crack? The fire’s warm, a breeze would be nice.”

Steve opened the window above the dresser, and pulled out a pair of black pants. Bucky kicked the jeans away and let Steve dress him. He’d argue, he really would, if it didn’t mean he had a few extra minutes of Stevie alone, with his hands on him. Steve left the waist tie undone and smoothed his hands up Bucky’s chest, under his t-shirt. “You rest Buck.” Steve whispered, brushing a kiss across Bucky’s slack mouth.

Bucky’s arm circled Steve’s waist, pulling him closer, trapping Steve’s hands between their bodies. Steve buried his face in Bucky’s neck. “Stevie, I’ve missed you. I know I’ve said it, but jesus, it’s been such a rough few years, I had to say it again.”

Steve moved his hands up Bucky’s chest. They peeked through the neck of Bucky’s shirt when Steve cupped Bucky’s face between his hands. “It’s ok. We’re together now.”

They kissed lazily, whispering endearments into each other’s mouths. Bucky pulled away, searching Steve’s face for judgment and finding nothing but love. “I love you. I’m so tired right now. All I wanted to do was curl up with you and TJ and watch movies. Maybe throw popcorn at Sam. I just know I’ll fall asleep again.”

“Sleep tonight. I’ll make sure we have popcorn for tomorrow and you can do exactly that.” Steve laughed, pushing against Bucky’s shoulder playfully. “We’ll try not to wake you when we come to bed. I’ve missed you too Buck.”

Steve watched Bucky slip between the covers, “light?”

“Bathroom, please.”

“You got it.” He flipped the switch, and pulled the door until it was just slightly ajar, before heading out of the bedroom. He followed the muted sounds coming from the media room, TJ and Sam were talking about movies, debating the list on display before them.

“Hey.” TJ grinned, seeing Steve. “I brought your stuff up. I didn’t put them together, in case you took a while; I figured at least the brownie would be salvageable that way.”

“Thanks sweetheart. Looks like I might still have a decent attempt at an a la mode.” Steve sat next to TJ, lightly laying his hand on TJ’s thigh.

“Is everything ok?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, Buck sends apologies, he wanted in on this, but he’s way too tired. TJ put it best, serum works wonders, but for some reason doesn’t take into account emotional exhaustion.”

“I was just speculating.” TJ blushed.

“It works for me, a lot of this…” Steve waved a hand over his body, “has been learned about over speculation. Some information was just never found, and I was an experiment.”

“So was Barnes. Worst case scenario.” Sam said before checking his words. “Sorry Steve. Sorry TJ.”

“It’s true. It was.” Steve said.

TJ covered Steve’s hand with his, giving it a squeeze. If hearing that hurt TJ, who only knew what he could suss out from the news coverage, and the very little Steve or Bucky had said about it, he could only imagine Steve finding his friend strapped and reeling from whatever it was they’d injected into him. He couldn’t begin to imagine the details Steve had read about and Bucky had lived through. TJ leaned forward, picking Steve’s brownie and ice cream dishes up and handed him the brownie first. “You hold this and say when.”

TJ dropped the more frozen ice cream onto the center of the still warm brownie, and scooped softer bits and drizzled them over that. “That’s good.” Steve smiled. “What’s the verdict? You two were discussing movies.”

“We couldn’t agree, you get to make the choice. The list is yours.” TJ handed the remote over to Steve.

“How civil.” Steve smirked, taking a bite of brownie before he took the remote. “I want something pretty tame. It’s been a long day for all of us.”

“Kids’ movies are at the bottom.” TJ grinned.

“You know, kid’s movies are sometimes more intellectual than so-called adult movies.” Steve nudged TJ’s shoulder with his. “and animated ones are astounding, filled with almost 150,000 works of art.”

“Well.” TJ looked at Sam. “You’ve had this discussion with him before haven’t you?”

“I told you not to talk smack about the animated film genre.” Sam answered, while doing his own chair version of a touchdown dance, wiggling his ass, and rocking his feet on the ottoman.

“Shut up.” TJ giggled, “You’re not allowed to say anything about anyone’s sass. You’re a sassy bastard. Ok, animation connoisseur, bring it. Might I suggest _The Incredibles_?”

“Oh no!” Sam objected. “No, and absolutely no!”

“Sam?” Steve grinned, “You do realize your abject horror and refusal isn’t exactly steering me away from the possibility.”

“I’m not gonna sit here and have you two tossing Frozone lines around over my head. Nuh uh. Besides, that dude freaks me out. Sounds just like Nick Fury. Fuck no.”

“We’re totally watching _The_ _Incredibles_ aren’t we Steve?” TJ read Steve’s crinkled nose and fabulously crooked grin.

“We’re watchin _The_ _Incredibles_.” Steve agreed, pressing play.

Sam threw his hands down at his sides and rolled his eyes. “I have been trying to avoid this for too long. I can’t call either of you my friends anymore.”

“Once it’s over, you won’t have to avoid it, will you?” Steve chuckled, taking a large final bite of his brownie.

Sam’s previous eye roll was nowhere near as epic as the one that followed that statement. He was going to regret coming here. He was going to regret sitting down in this chair with those two assholes. He was _not_ going to watch a movie about superheroes when he’d been one for all of ten minutes, and look where that got him.

TJ crinkled his nose and smiled at Sam, and Sam turned his head so he didn’t have to look at him, which unfortunately left either looking at the other smug mug or looking at the damned television. Steve set his dish on the coffee table and shifted so that he was wedged into the corner more, TJ scooted and ducked under Steve’s outstretched arm, settling against Steve’s side.

TJ glanced at Sam briefly, uncharacteristically self-conscious of making someone uncomfortable. Sam was watching the movie with a stupid smile, which made TJ relax, and soften his features into a smile again, as he settled deeper in Steve’s arms. Steve planted a kiss on the side of TJ’s head, half-awake, giggling at the insane accuracy of the plight of the supers. He looked at Sam a couple of times after laughing at something he knew Sam would get, catching another eye roll from Sam.

The credits started rolling and Sam kicked his feet to either side of the ottoman and stretched. “I’m turning in. It was a long day for everyone. Thanks for the food and torture.”

“Night Sam.” Steve said, reaching a hand toward his friend. Sam clasped his arm, “Breakfast – what time do you think you’ll be up?”

“Make it brunch and I might make it on time.” Sam said. “I doubt anyone else in this house is keeping farm hours.”

“Bucky and I have been, but you’re right, not tomorrow. The farm hands will have to just do their work without us.”

Sam looked at TJ, who stopped trying to crane his head to see Sam, and shifted in his seat, “You make them do farm work? You’re either very brave or very dumb. I’m gonna say dumb if you try that with me.”

“I didn’t make them do anything. They got restless and volunteered.” TJ looked up, trying, and failing, to stifle a yawn as he spoke.

“Oh, that doesn’t surprise me. Is he in charge of running the horses? That’s a good job for him. He might meet his match.”

“He’s always trying to find me work.” Steve chuckled before repeating, “Night Sam.”

“What he said.” TJ called after Sam. He looked up at Steve from his spot on Steve’s shoulder. “You ready to go to bed?”

“Yes.” Steve kissed TJ’s head abruptly.

“You want me to go find another room?”

“No I do not.” Steve replied. “Why would you ask that?”

“I didn’t know if maybe you or Bucky needed one-on-one time.” TJ pushed up from the sofa.

“He’s expecting both of us, and I told him we wouldn’t wake him, so I hope you don’t mind spooning with me.”

TJ held his hand out to help Steve up, not that it was _needed_. He hoped it was taken as a kind gesture. “Big or little spoon?”

“Me? I hadn’t thought about it.” Steve stood in front of TJ. “You choose.”

“Ok. You’re gonna be surprised.”

“Big?” Steve guessed as he followed TJ out of the room, flipping the light switch.

“Ordinarily I wouldn’t mind. But I was just trying to figure out the last time you were little spoon.”

“It’s been a while. I might have been a literal “little” spoon.”

“Settled.” TJ whispered as they walked through the bedroom door. TJ went around the bed and knelt to check on Yana before heading into the bathroom.

“Whassup? She ok?” Bucky muttered sleepily.

“Shh, yeah, I was just looking after her. She’s sleeping.” TJ answered, brushing his hand across Bucky’s outstretched arm. “So should you. We’re coming to bed.”

“Good.” Bucky pouted. “Sorry TJ.”

“For sleeping? You just missed us trolling Sam with an animated superhero movie.”

“I’m sorry I missed that. _The Incredibles_?”

“You’ve seen it?”

“I managed to watch a movie or two while I was in Romania.”

“Steve hadn’t seen it yet. I’ll be right back.” TJ stood up from where he had one hand on Yana and the other on the side of the bed.

Steve came in from the bathroom, “he wake you?” he asked.

“No, I was gonna check on her, and he was there. You coming to bed?”

Steve crawled across the bed from the foot, and settled next to Bucky, “’ course.”

Bucky turned to face Steve, tangling his legs with Steve’s and putting his arm possessively over Steve’s waist. They were quiet, their foreheads touching, “She really is gonna be ok, right?”

“Yeah Buck. She’ll be fine. She’ll be comically dopey, and even more entertainingly awkward, and we’ll make sure she doesn’t lose any of her confidence.” Steve whispered, threading his fingers through the hair at the back of Bucky’s neck.

TJ came back to see Bucky still close to the edge of the bed, him and Steve entwined. He stooped to check Yana one more time, and then kissed the spot on Bucky’s neck near his ear, close to Steve’s hand, before circling the bed and climbing in to spoon Steve. Bucky’s hand grazed TJ’s side, and TJ reached across, weaving his hand under Steve’s arm, to rest his hand on Bucky’s side. “G’night Steve, Night Bucky.”

“Night TJ.” They both said sweetly, making TJ smile.


	16. Chapter 16

After all his talk the night before, Sam was actually up before anyone else. Before he went too far, he decided to take advantage of having the only unshared bathroom. Surprisingly ready to face the day, Sam left the bathroom after wiping the splashed water off the counter with a towel. He wandered down the hallway, peeking through the open doors, seeing nobody. He rambled down stairs, trailing his hand along the silken mahogany railing. Downstairs, he looked around the large living room with the fireplace stocked and ready. It felt like living with a ghost, a very helpful ghost, who just showed up, loaded fireplaces, and placed food. The thought of food led him to the kitchen. Would the ghost deliver?

Sam considered the thought that once upon a time, the casual conversation wouldn’t be happening in his head. Ghosts? Hell no. But now, there were weirder things than ghosts, have you _met_ Vision?

There was no miraculous breakfast treat on the counter, although the brownies were still there. Sam broke off a piece of the brownie that had been set back into the pan that Barnes hadn’t eaten, and stuffed it into his mouth before wandering back into the rear mudroom where he’d dropped his shoes the day before. He put his sneakers on, deciding to see if the terrain would give him a decent run. Hopefully whatever farm animals were on the property wouldn’t give him any troubles. “Better not be chasing me. I’ve been chased by worse, I’m just sayin.” Sam said aloud as he closed the door behind him.

* * *

Bucky felt a tickle on his nose and tried to move his arm to brush his hair from his face, but his arm was trapped under something. He opened his eyes to see Steve’s sleeping face in extreme close-up. He focused on the long eyelashes that dusted pink cheeks. “Stevie.” He whispered.

“hmm?” Steve mumbled.

“I can’t move my arm. You got me trapped.”

Steve moved his arm, reaching back and draping it over TJ’s bicep and behind TJ, whispering “sorry Buck.” as he rubbed TJ’s back and side lazily.

Bucky pulled his arm free, giving TJ’s hip a light caress, and then stroking Steve’s still pink cheek with his thumb before brushing the offending lock of hair out of his own face.

“You two are horrible at sleeping in.” TJ groaned. “Just really fucking bad at it.”

Steve felt TJ’s warm breath along his neck, and the light scrape of teeth and lips as TJ complained, not moving away from Steve to do so. “Sorry Teej.”

“Sorry TJ.” Bucky said, peeking over Steve to see TJ’s sleep tousled hair and a furrowed brow. TJ’s eyes didn’t match his grumpy sounding complaints, instead, they were sleepy but kind. “I was trapped, I tried not to wake you.”

“Steve didn’t” TJ groaned.

“I didn’t.” Steve confessed simultaneously.

“Well, now that we’re all awake,” TJ grumbled into Steve’s shirt, “How’s Yana?”

“I was trapped, I couldn’t get up to find out,” Bucky answered, extricating himself from Steve’s hold. He turned over, sat on the edge of the bed, and looked down where Yana was laying. “Hey sweet lady, did we wake you too?”

“Steve probably did, he doesn’t believe in sleeping in.” TJ tried to maintain his grumpy tone, but was failing miserably, “Steve, apologize to the dog.”

“I’m sorry to everyone who woke up after Bucky woke me. Farm animals outside included.” Steve said, rolling over, and wrapping his arms around TJ. “I’m sorry again to grumpy TJ.”

TJ kissed Steve’s nose, “Good. Much better. Jesus, look at you. You’re a disaster” TJ teased, rubbing his thumb over the sleeve imprint on Steve’s cheek, smoothing an errant shock of hair.

“He musta slept pretty soundly.” Bucky smiled, patting Steve’s ass before kneeling in front of Yana. “Hey, you found your water? Good girl. You ready to tackle the stairs in a few minutes? I’ll be right back.” He kissed her broad head before using the bed to stand upright. “I’m getting old.”

“Yup, you’re ancient. A complete century.”

“Shut up you little shit.” Bucky said from the bathroom door. “Tickle an apology out of him Steve.”

“I’m sorry.” TJ said before Steve could lift a finger. “I’m sorry, no tickling.”

“Oh, we’re finding out about tickling later Hammond.” Steve teased.

“Later’s fine, right now, I gotta piss, and I gotta wait for him.”

“I seem to recall more than one bathroom in this humble farmhouse.” Bucky called out from the bathroom. Multiple bathrooms. He still wasn’t sure what to do with that kind of luxury.

Bucky brushed his teeth after taking a long, relieving piss of his own. TJ came in as he was putting a final rinse on the brush. “Couldn’t wait anymore. Honeymoon’s over, deal with it.”

Bucky chuckled as he left the room, “Honeymoon’s just begun sweetheart.”

“It’s good to have you back Buck.” Steve yawned, stretching across the bed.

Bucky scratched Yana’s head as he passed her and crawled up onto the bed, straddling Steve’s waist. He kissed Steve’s neck, “I didn’t realize how good it would be to be “back”.”

Bucky’s hair tickled Steve’s jaw and his kisses were tender on Steve’s skin. Steve put his hands in Bucky’s  hair, “don’t do it again. Promise me, no. more. running.”

“I promise.” Bucky’s brows drew together as he watched Steve’s eyes search his face. “I promise you, no more running. I’m really ok, whatever happens, as long as we’re safe here and until we get to Wakanda, if we have to stay there, whatever it takes. I promise you.”

Steve’s heart felt like it was rebelling, pounding against his chest, “Don’t break your promise.”

“No. I remember more, I’m recovering. You know what I remember?”

“Dare I ask?”

“The last time you were beneath me like this, it wasn’t good. You’re beautiful, don’t ever let me pound on you like that again you idiot.”

“No, I don’t think I’ll have to. You won’t have to worry about that.”

“Good. What did you say that day?”

“You remember.” Steve countered, pushing up onto his elbows and straining to kiss Bucky.

“Say it.” Bucky said, pulling away before Steve’s lips could make contact.

“You say it, jerk.” Steve’s mouth quirked into a crooked smirk and the lines at the corners of his eyes deepened.

“I’m with you to the end of the line.” Bucky said quickly, kissing Steve abruptly on the mouth. “You wanna help me with Yana?”

Steve traced down Bucky’s jaw and over his collarbone, “if you think she can wait her turn? If TJ ever finishes!” Steve called toward the bathroom.

“TJ’s done.” TJ said, coming out of the bathroom, and smiling at the sight of the two on the bed. “You sure you two don’t need a little privacy?”

Steve gripped Bucky’s neck, pulling him into a kiss before pushing him away. He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed in one fluid movement. TJ gave into the temptation to step into the space between Steve’s legs. He put his hands on Steve’s solid, wide shoulders, and kissed him roughly before moving away as if nothing happened.

Bucky and TJ watched Steve walk away, his pajamas low on his hips, his shirt hiked up from when Bucky’s hand had been inside of it while kissing Steve. Bucky put his arm around TJ’s neck and kissed him loudly on the temple. “TJ. I think you’re wonderful.”

“You’ve been taking Yana’s meds.” TJ laughed. He turned to face Bucky who was still kneeling on the bed. He slipped his arms around Bucky’s waist. “You’re pretty fantastic too.”

“So, brunch.” Steve said as he came out of the bathroom, to see Bucky and TJ making out. “and Yana.”

“Right. Yana and brunch – which means Sam.” Bucky added quietly.

“Yana first.” TJ reassured him, “we’ll get her squared away and you in the kitchen, zoning out to the sounds of bacon sizzling and classic rock. Ya’ll were fine at dinner, you’ll be ok at brunch.”

“I was half-dead at dinner, couldn’t make any sort of conversation with anyone, today’s just starting over.”

“Starting over is a good thing.” TJ cocked his head and smiled, “You’re _not_ alone.”

Bucky looked over at Steve who was the only one doing anything productive, putting his clothes on. Bucky ducked his head into TJ’s shoulder, “do I have to get dressed?”

“When’s the last time you spent the day in your PJ’s?” TJ asked.

“Never, not healthy anyway.”

“Well, it’s just us and we don’t have to go anywhere, even if we did, we could change then.”

“But you do still have to come down.” Steve said from inside his t-shirt.

“Huh? What was that? You mumble.” Bucky teased.

“Shut it. You heard me.” Steve’s smile was radiant when his head was free of his shirt. He closed the distance between himself and the two jerks on the foot of the bed and put his big arms around both of them. “Time to start the day.”

TJ sighed. Inside the weird and wonderful embrace, he felt warm, and not just the squishy warm feeling of being in love. He knew this was the good feeling, the high, of being in love. He knew they were secluded and outside of normal life, but if there were mornings in the city when they could be this stupid together, before walking out into the demands of daily life, he’d be able to brave the not so good moments that life liked to throw at people.

“TJ?” Bucky asked hesitantly.

“I’m good, this is too good, and I just want to remember it for when things are not so great.”

“Good idea.” Bucky tenderly bumped his forehead against TJ’s. Steve loudly kissed TJ’s neck, and TJ rubbed the fuzzy back of Steve’s hair. Yana groaned from the doggy bed, and they all looked in her direction. She was trying to push herself up to sit, possibly to come to them too, if TJ had learned anything at all about that dog. “Baby girl.”

TJ smiled at Bucky’s chocolaty smooth voice when he talked to Yana. He let his arms slip free of Bucky’s waist, and felt Steve’s arms relax and drop, Steve’s hand rested on TJ’s hip, Bucky gave TJ’s neck a little squeeze before he climbed down from where he’d been kneeling on the bed. Yana found her feet and wobbled toward them. Bucky tucked his hand behind her ear and scratched. “Yeah, it’s your turn.”

TJ watched Bucky grab the sling and follow at Yana’s side and Steve stepped up behind them, ready to take over if asked. TJ followed, still thinking about the morning cuddles, and how it felt to be surrounded with emotional support. Two strong men who were capable of expressing their feelings physically, that was a rarity. TJ watched as Yana and Bucky cautiously and patiently navigated the stairs. He was anxious watching, and was proud when Yana stepped her final step on the main floor.

Bucky let one end of the sling drop, and slide from under Yana’s chest. She made for the door with a slightly less tired gait than she’d displayed yesterday.

TJ turned toward the kitchen, letting Steve and Bucky take her out. He might as well take a quick inventory and pull things out for brunch while letting them have time together. Usually they’d spend the early mornings working together on the farm, and TJ would wander out and join them after he’d lazily had a cup of coffee and gone for a run. Today he wasn’t feeling the run, but the coffee, that he needed, and he was willing to bet everyone else would approve.

Sam came through the back door as TJ was leaning against the counter, watching the coffee drip, and smiling, thinking about the morning. He couldn’t stop thinking about being lazily roused by Steve’s and Bucky’s strong hands on his back and hip. They were simple, lazy, loving touches that weren’t sexual at all and he was still daydreaming about it.

“Is that coffee? Tell me that’s coffee.” Sam’s voice shook TJ from his musings.

“It’s gonna be. It’s almost…” TJ watched Sam swap the pot for a mug on the coffee maker’s base, and pour from the pot as the brew dripped. He swapped them back just as quickly and took a sip with a sly grin. “Yeah, it’s almost done.”

Sam’s grin widened, “tell me you’ve never done that?”

“I can’t say I have.” TJ shook his head. “Good move. I’ll have to remember it. Where’d you come from?”

“I went for a run. It’s not too bad out here.”

“No, it’s a great run, clean air, a lot of nothing to see, in a good way.”

“There’s a serious lack of bullshit, and that’s a very good thing.”

“No, I’d say there’s more bullshit.” TJ said, making Sam laugh. TJ found that he really liked Sam’s cartoonish and addictive laugh.

“You got me on a technicality. Your boys still sleeping?”

“My b…?” TJ grinned, “No, they’re both out front with Yana.”

“How was everyone’s night? How did she do?”

“She slept through. We all did.” TJ watched as Sam broke a piece off a brownie that had looked like it had already been picked at. “Bucky’s gonna fix breakfast soon, I’m not just hoarding all this food to make you crazy.”

“I’ll eat that too.” Sam said, dunking the crisp brownie edge into his coffee. “So, what do you do around here all day?”

“I work from the office, they’re usually doing farm chores already, but…”

“With the dog, and company.”

“Well, somehow I think Steve would con the company into lending a hand, but with Yana and the high emotions from yesterday, today’s just going to be a lazy kind of holiday or something. I’m not even getting dressed. I’ve suggested the same to Bucky. He deserves to live a little.”

“Yeah? What about Steve?”

“He does too, but he was already in jeans before the idea came up. Next time, I guess.” TJ smiled. He heard the trio come in through the front door, praises for Yana and light teasing banter.

Bucky accompanied Yana all the way to her bed, crouching to reassure her she was doing her best work. Steve washed his hands and poured coffee into the remaining three mugs. “Whoever made coffee, I love you forever.”

“In that case, I’m taking credit.” Sam joked.

“Take it back Steve.” Bucky said as he stood up. If TJ hadn’t been watching, he’d have missed the smirk that tugged at the corner of Bucky’s mouth.

Bucky took the coffee and let the hot liquid wake his taste buds and his mind. It could be the flavor, or the heat, he guessed it was the memory of the habit more than the drink itself, since the caffeine had little chance to break through before it was metabolized. “Damn good coffee Sam.” Bucky teased, looking at TJ with adoration.

TJ rolled his eyes, proud that Bucky was making an effort, as much as he knew the pajamas and the dog, and the hot coffee in his hand were all armor. Bucky was still terrified of how his and Sam’s relationship would play out, but he was making all the right moves and TJ was proud of him for that.

“So, what am I fixing for breakfast?” Bucky asked, taking stock of all the food on the counter, “You still up for being my sous chef TJ?”

“Yup. I want the whole shebang. Is that bad?”

“You’re on potato duty.” Bucky pronounced. “Pancakes? Who’ll eat pancakes?”

“If you’re fixin’ ‘em I’m eatin’ em.” TJ answered, “I see those two could not care less, so I say pancakes for everyone.”

Steve and Sam were indeed across the room with their heads together. Steve had pulled up a chair across from where Sam sat with his coffee. “Paper comes every day out here, it’s almost like a more familiar era.” Steve offered Sam the sports page, “I want to see that when you’re done.”

“Funny pages. Those are for Barnes.”

“He couldn’t read ‘em if you paid him.” Steve said quietly, knowing Bucky heard him. “So, how was the run?”

“I didn’t get chased by any farm animals, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I figured as much, if you had, you’d deserve it, they’re all penned in.”

They continued to tease, and to talk about the stories in the sports section. Steve looked across to the kitchen to see TJ taking instruction from Bucky on dicing potatoes, and being teased in the process. Steve smiled. He thought about how everything had gotten so low with Bucky missing and in danger, and out of that they’d both been able to stop being stubborn. He’d been able to be open enough, and he’d been eager enough, finally, to _say_ how he felt.

Bucky’s defenses were down, and he’d finally been able to express his own emotions, something that Steve had only found out later, while working alongside him on the farm, had been hard for Bucky to conceptualize. Steve’s blood boiled at the things Hydra had taken from Bucky, and from them.

Bucky caught Steve watching as a dark look passed over Steve’s face. He knew that look, had seen it when he’d opened up to Steve about how much he was still missing, the “holes” in his memory, and how love, loving Steve and loving TJ, frightened him because it was so foreign. At the time, he’d feared he’d made the wrong move, confessed the wrong thing, but Steve had been quick to reassure him that he wasn’t in the wrong, and it was out of anger for the way he’d been treated and handled by Hydra. “Stevie, favor? TJ’s busy and I need a second hand.”

Steve blinked away the dark rage, “sure Buck.” The only indicator to someone like TJ or Sam who weren’t watching was the way Steve’s chair toppled over behind him when he stood up abruptly and he left it where it lie.

Steve crossed the room, and stood next to Bucky at the stove. “What did you need me to do?”

“Breathe. I know you were going _there._ ” Bucky put his arm around Steve’s waist and spoke quietly.

“This – you and me – I’m just so grateful.” Steve’s lowered voice cracked.

“I am too. More than I thought possible.  Don’t think about them, it only leads to trouble.”

“You’re a little shit, you didn’t need my help.” Steve’s arms tightened around Bucky’s waist.

“I said I needed your hands, I’ve got what I needed.” Bucky said, “That was horribly corny. Was that corny TJ?”

TJ didn’t know the depth of what was going on, but he’d seen something before Steve had crossed the room, after the chair toppled. He’d made eye contact with Sam as Sam righted the chair, they were both on the same page, Steve was distressed. He saw the way Bucky and Steve pulled together, and couldn’t help but hear the last of their exchange, “Extra corny, I forgot to mention, I guess you can be as corny and ridiculous as you want once your relationship has been established.”

“TJ was giving me pointers on picking up guys.” Bucky explained.

“I see.” Steve’s jaw and brow relaxed, his eyes softened, “So, you planning on using that advice?”

“Do I still have to?”

“Barnes, you always have to. You have to times two.” Sam said, not looking away from the paper.

“Well, fine. They’re both used to my corny nonsense by now.” Bucky planted a kiss on Steve’s cheek, “you ok now?”

“How am I supposed to say no to that?” Steve asked, pressing his cheek against the stubble on Bucky’s cheek, embarrassed at the emotional display in front of Sam.

“I don’t know if I can handle this.” Sam moaned. “You’re like a different person, I didn’t sign on for this.”

“You like that your friend is happy Sam.” TJ said, scooping diced potatoes into a bowl of salted water. “I see the approval you're trying to hide.”

“You’re a narc.” Sam complained good-naturedly. Steve’s embarrassment mellowed slightly, realizing his friend was teasing, and not judging him.

TJ rolled his eyes, enjoying Sam’s company almost as much as he had when Nat was part of their teasing banter. TJ tugged Steve away from Bucky, “I don’t want burnt potatoes or pancakes, come help me.”

“You’re either saying I’m a slacker, or I’m distracting the cook.”

“Yes, I’m saying both of those things. This breakfast is lacking fruit, you are on duty as of now.”

“I’m so glad I’m just a guest.” Sam said, flipping through the paper lazily.

“You could set the table.” Steve tossed back.

“Oh, ok, not a guest then.” Sam mused.

“Nope, just family.”

TJ and Steve turned to Bucky then grinned at each other. “Buck’s right, Sam. Family.” Steve agreed.

“I was beginning to wonder, giving me the silent treatment and everything.”

“You said you hated me, I was letting you hate me.” Bucky shrugged, flipping a pancake.

“I do.” Sam nodded, “So, can you read? Otherwise I have the funny papers with lots of pretty pictures.”

“Can you translate it to Russian for me? American-English comics are so pedestrian, maybe something will come through in the translation.”

“Wow, elitist.” TJ teased. “I’m learning so much about you right now.”

“He’s a jerk.” Sam turned and looked at TJ, a hard look on his face, but his smile was precariously contained as he pulled plates from the cabinet that Bucky had opened as Sam crossed the space, “That’s all you need to know.”

“Come on Sam, he just adopted you. You gotta let up on him.” Steve pleaded as he tugged the silverware drawer open. Sam reached across the space where Steve was working, swiping a slice of pineapple, before taking the flatware from the indicated drawer.

TJ’s grin felt permanent as he stepped around the island to look after Yana. “She can sleep through all this? She must have gotten her pain pill.”

“Yup, she did. She’s such a good girl.” Bucky crooned from across the kitchen.

“She’s the most loved being in this room, followed closely by everyone else.” TJ determined. “I was going to say maybe Steve, since there’s nobody arguing that someone hates him. I wanted to say Bucky because he’s soft and warm and…”

“Please, soft?” Sam scoffed, having avoided an elbow by taking the dishes to the table. “That man’s anything but soft TJ.”

“You don’t know him like I do. He’s tender and sweet.”

“ _He_ ’s none of those things.” Bucky called over the clang of pans, an intentional diversion to stop the conversation that was heating his cheeks more than the gas stove was cooking their breakfast.

“You don’t have a say. I proclaim you are all of them. Steve seconds it and it’s going to be ratified when Yana wakes up and christens it with her big tongue. I’m the son of two presidents; I outrank all of you when we’re in this house.”

Steve looked at Bucky, and then at Sam, they all seemed to agree that TJ could have this one, since there was no real hierarchy for any of them in their current fugitive status, and it was Hammond property. “You’re not going to pull rank too often are you?” Steve asked TJ.

“Only when it becomes necessary. If I abuse it, you’ll go all Captain on me in the real world and I’ll live to regret it.”

“I’ve got news for you,” Sam said, “He’ll do that anyway, start practicing perpetual regret.”

Steve knew Sam was teasing, but couldn’t determine if Bucky or TJ could tell. “I’m sorry you feel that way Sam.”

Sam laughed, pulling the fridge open and taking out three different kinds of juice. “You’re one spoiled son of two presidents Hammond. Three?”

“There’s a variety, for my guests who have many quirks and might have a variety of tastes to go along with those quirks.”

“Whoever said that was thinking dirty thoughts.” Sam mused, “I’m ok with a traditional OJ.”

“Just don’t drink out of the carton.” Steve teased.

“Not in front of you guys I won’t.”

“Who’s thinking dirty thoughts now?” TJ giggled, handing Sam glasses when he came back from setting the juice on the large farm-table.

“Why is this kitchen conversation?” Bucky asked, placing cooked bacon on paper-towel lined plates. “What’s even happening?”

“How are you not joining in?” TJ teased, “Even the littlest innuendo would do, or, shit, tell Steve how proud you are, that was a subtle piece of gold right there.”

“Oh my god!” Steve’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. “You can’t believe I meant… Sam?”

“Oh I believed it.” Sam laughed at Steve’s increasingly red face. He wouldn’t take it back now, it was always fun teasing Steve, and he wasn’t going to change now. Especially since his friend’s boyfriend – wow boyfriend – was exploiting Steve’s ability to blush and poking fun at his sexuality in a way that only someone close could. “What I can’t believe is that Barnes is pulling the church lady routine.”

“I was trying to be sensitive for your sake Sam.” Bucky shrugged, breaking up a piece of bacon in his hand, as he skirted Steve and the island to crouch in front of Yana’s dog bed. He felt his balance shift and corrected quickly, catching himself against the side of the island with his elbow. Yana looked up at him with a pitiful “sorry man” look. Bucky smiled and offered her the small pieces of bacon from his palm, “I’m learning kid. Don’t give me that look.” He whispered into the fur on her forehead. “How’s my girl?”

Bucky scratched between Yana’s ears, “TJ would you dish everything up? I’m not sure which of us is being needier. Yana, or me.”

“You bet. Or everyone can get their own food like the grownups that they are. I’ll take yours to the table.”

“Would you listen to that? He’s as bad as you two.” Sam said, stepping around Bucky to help himself to brunch.

“Family Sam.” Steve shrugged, “he’s just treating you like family.”

“I mean, maybe a little. My family has its moments.” TJ grinned, piling Bucky’s plate with some of everything. He put both his and Bucky’s plates on the table before crossing back to where Bucky sat with Yana. TJ threaded his fingers in Bucky’s hair, scratching idly as he listened to Steve and Sam talk about ‘chosen families’ such as soldiers they’d met and gotten close with. TJ crouched in front of Bucky, “hey, pancakes are nice and hot, you ready?”

Bucky kissed Yana’s head once more before taking TJ’s offered hand and standing.

“TJ, you’re the best.” Bucky said softly, tugging TJ close to him, “Thanks. You know you don’t have to be so perky just for my benefit.”

“I feel perky today.” TJ admitted. “You seem happier today yourself.”

“Relieved, and not.” Bucky shrugged, sitting next to the window, feeling the warm sun on his cheek. “I’m trying.”

“You’re opening up, you’re being very nice to Sam, and this food is outstanding. These are all good accomplishments for the first 40-or-so minutes of the day.”

TJ watched Steve and Sam duck around each other, getting food and condiments to their liking before crossing to the sunny nook, while Bucky looked outside. He thought, hell, for the past several days of heightened emotions, this was a pretty good moment.

Bucky watched a couple of birds in the yard, and returned his attention to his food when they took off and joined the rest of a flock that took off from farther out in the field. “So, anything wrong with the food, lodge your complaints with me, TJ did a bang-up job as my left hand.”

“Only thing wrong with it that I can see, is there might not be enough.” Sam offered, “I mean look at that stack TJ served you, and then there’s this guy.”

The fact that most of the words coming from Sam’s mouth were mumbled around food as he kept eating made Bucky smile almost as much as the almost-compliment.

“Thanks – I think.” Bucky stuffed a whole strip of bacon into his mouth.

“So TJ says he’s turned you two into farm hands, you don’t have designs to do that to me, do you?”

“A little hard work never hurt anybody.” Steve grinned.

TJ laughed at Sam’s groan. “I don’t run the place Sam, I’m just visiting. They needed to be busy, so they bothered the caretaker, and found work. You’re welcome to do whatever you want while you’re here.”

“I have a feeling Steve has other ideas.” Sam muttered, again around a mouthful of breakfast.

“You could always take up Bucky’s slack. He’s gonna want to be close to Yana.” Steve offered, in a friendly manner.

“You’re seriously going to give me that guilt trip? I can sit with a dog too you know. He’s as much help one-armed as I am with both.”

“He’s right, he could sit with Yana.” Bucky shrugged. “We all know I’m actually better one-armed, than he is with both.”

“Oh?” Sam took the bait, realizing it as soon as he did. “Oh, I see what you did there.”

“I didn’t do anything, just cooked breakfast.” Bucky looked aside at TJ. “With help.”

“As I was telling Sam earlier, today’s a lazy day while we let Yana recover. I can queue a bunch of movies, we can make popcorn as much as everyone could possibly want, and we can always disburse for some down time. I have a feeling there might be a couple of days like that coming up. There’s an apple orchard down the way, I’d love to accompany someone. If anyone is interested between now and the middle of the week, just let me know.”

“If you want to go, Buck, I could stay with Yana.” Steve offered, seeing Bucky’s eyes flit from TJ to Yana when TJ mentioned it.

“I…” Bucky did want to go, thought that having time with TJ would be nice, but he didn’t want to leave Steve out. Making choices for things that he wanted was novel. Making choices for survival had been another thing entirely, but even that came with time and a large learning curve. “I would like to go. Not at the expense of anybody else’s enjoyment.”

“Go.” Sam said definitively, “You deserve it. It’ll give Steve some down time, and you can’t be anybody’s caretaker 100 percent of the time.”

“You can tag along Sam, I mean it’s hokey and all that, but you are on a farm already.” TJ offered.

“I’m thinking about it.” Sam wasn’t quite ready to commit, TJ and Bucky could use the time together, but it _would_ be a good way to reach out _to Bucky_. “Let me know when you go, and I should know by then.”

* * *

Sam offered to clean up, being teased that he was trying to earn points to bow out of farm work. He and Steve did the work and TJ followed Bucky and Yana up the stairs, getting her comfortable in the entertainment room. “I hope you don’t mind that I invited Sam, everyone’s really welcome to come, I just really don’t want him to feel obligated to, or left out of anything.” TJ said softly, as he pulled up the movie queue.

Bucky put his hand on TJ’s shoulder, “TJ, you’re doing the right thing. I want you to promise me something though. You’re trying too hard. You’re overcompensating for me and my shortcomings where Sam’s concerned, and I love you for it, but it’s not good for you, and probably doesn’t help me in the long run, even if it really helps in the moment. Promise you’ll just let things happen? You’re as much a guest here in this house as any of us, you’re not a host, and you’re not required to organize entertainment for me, or Sam, or Steve. You’re not.”

“Is that what I was doing? I guess you’re right.” TJ sat down on the sofa, letting out a deep breath. “I’m trying too hard.”

Bucky sat next to TJ, taking his hand. “It’s freeing to realize it, isn’t it?”

TJ smiled as Bucky kissed his temple playfully. Bucky's playfulness was one of the things he didn’t realize he’d missed in the past couple of days as Bucky’s anxiety ramped up. “It’s freeing.”

“What’s freeing?” Steve asked as he followed Sam into the room.

“From now on, TJ is going to remember that he’s not the host, he’s also a guest in this house. We’re all going to do whatever it is we need to do. We all have the capacity to call the caretaker if we need something that’s not here. Or we can drag our asses out to get it ourselves. TJ doesn’t have to arrange entertainment, or try to mediate.”

TJ watched Bucky make the announcement that he didn’t know how he’d approach, and closed his eyes, crinkling his nose, before looking carefully at the others.

“Sounds like a good plan.” Sam said definitively.

“I agree.” Steve replied, sitting on TJ’s open side and putting his arm across TJ’s shoulders. “Sounds freeing.”

TJ kissed the side of Steve’s cocky smirk. “Now that I’m free, but thoroughly embarrassed, somebody pick a movie and press play.”

Sam swiped the remote, “There’s no way any of you is putting me through that again. I’m running this show.”

Steve chuckled, his hand brushing Bucky’s shoulder where TJ’s and Bucky’s shoulders met. “I thought you enjoyed yourself in spite of your moaning before the movie.”

“Shows what you know.” Sam suppressed a smile before shushing everyone “All of ya, be quiet, don’t you see the movie’s starting? Of course, I don’t mean you, Yana. You’re not disrespecting anybody.”

“Sam, I can move, you can come sit on the couch.” Bucky offered, moving to rise.

“Nope. This is my chair, I claimed it last night and it’s got the best view.” Sam declined. “I did say quiet, didn’t I?”

Bucky smiled at the obvious tease, and settled back against TJ and the sofa. Yana was close enough that he could brush his foot along her side if he needed to, so there was nothing left but to settle in and watch the movie.

Bucky laughed at the comedic moments and at a moment where TJ and Steve both cringed, he looked at Sam who was laughing too, which just made them both laugh more. It was odd, having that moment of being normal with Sam, and not shooting insults at each other. Odd, but he liked it. Maybe Sam wouldn’t be overly judgmental of him after all.

Between movies, Bucky took Yana outside and Sam followed, figuring it would be a good opportunity to make an attempt.

“Hey, mind if I tag along?” Sam asked from the porch.

“Sure, it’s just a short walk, but she takes her time.”

“Pain meds.” Sam nodded. “Listen, I want to say something. We got off on the wrong foot, god knows it wasn’t your fault.”

“But it was.”

“No, I held a grudge as if it were, you might remember and be remorseful for it, but I can’t hold you accountable. It’s what happens going forward that you have to own Bucky. I don’t know you, there was a time I didn’t want to. But that guy in there? He’s my friend. I love him like a brother and if he’s in love with you, I’m not going to be _that friend_. I’d like to get to know you. We might not be buddy-buddy, but then again we might, I don’t know. What I do know is I don’t want to hate the person Steve loves.”

“We don’t have to spend time together if it makes you uncomfortable. Burying the hatchet is one thing, you’re not required to make friends with someone just because of a relationship Sam.” Bucky stooped to pet Yana and praise her. “I’m not saying I don’t want it. I’m just giving you an out, if you want an out.”

“So we’ve said our piece, what I’m hearing is we both want to be our best, because of Steve. I’m not taking the out. You’ll have to be a real asshole to get rid of me.”

Bucky laughed, “I’m sure I could do it. I’m not going to, both of them would be disappointed, and to be honest, I’d be disappointed in me too. So you’re not going to try to talk him out of this?”

“I’ve seen weird stuff since meeting him, a relationship or two won’t be the thing that makes me question anyone’s sanity. He’s in love, where’s the problem in that?”

“Good attitude, but not a lot of people have that outlook.” Bucky followed Yana to another spot, where she sniffed before looking up at him. “Ready to go back inside Яночка?”

“You really think I’m like other people?” Sam asked, watching the teamwork between Bucky and the dog.

“No. Definitely not.” Bucky smiled. “Popcorn?”

“Yeah, I think it’s about time for some.”

“You wanna help? Or would you rather go upstairs and send one of them down?”

“I’m no stranger to a kitchen.” Sam said, affronted.

“Ok then, show me what you’ve got.” Bucky challenged, helping Yana to her bed by the island.

Sam started poking through cupboards and found the popcorn kettle. Bucky, being more familiar with the kitchen, brought the popcorn from the pantry. He leaned against the counter, watching Sam, before deciding to find seasonings and pulling out the butter.

“What would you think – honestly – if I tagged along with you to the orchard?” Sam asked after adding the kernels to the kettle.

“I think you should do it. It’s not a date. You’re absolutely welcome.”

“It could be a date.” Sam said, raising a brow. “You haven’t had any of those.”

“It could be. Don’t complicate things; I said I wanted you to go.”

“I think I’ve changed my mind, now hear me out. I think you two should go, have a date. I can stay here and help Steve on the farm. You said it upstairs, we’re all responsible for our own entertainment, and you don’t have to entertain me when it sounds like a nice date Bucky. Hey, if you thought you could trust me with Yana, the three of you could go.”

“Of course I trust you, I know Steve does too, so the fact that he didn’t bring it up means he’s either leaving an opening for you and me to get to know one another, or for TJ and me to have a date. I think it’s up to us at this point to decide which way it’ll go.”

“You know my vote.”

“I guess it’s not entirely up to me. Even though TJ will defer to me, because he’s good like that.”

“Not used to it?” Sam asked over the sound of popping kernels.

“There’s a lot I’m not used to Sam. How about you? Be honest, does this situation, our relationship, freak you out?”

“It should, because you two could honestly crush TJ, but no. If you think I’m silently judging you, you could be right, but not for who you love. Only your fashion sense, his lack of sense of self-preservation, and TJ… well, he’s safe.”

“I’m glad to see my cooking isn’t being judged. I mean I have a handicap and everything.”

“The food has been great. You seem to enjoy cooking, that’s good.”

“I’m better now than when I started. Slinging food every day must have been good practice. Sam, thank you for everything. I know “thanks” is not enough, but…”

“But nothing. I still have my reservations about you, but that’s just gonna take time. That doesn’t mean I don’t think we can be friends. It’s just… call it survival instinct. I know you’re not gonna hurt those two, and as long as you keep proving me right, I’ll get over it.

“I’ll take it.” Bucky nodded, pulling bowls from their cupboard while Sam buttered the popcorn.

“You know, you’re next up picking a movie, right?”

“I didn’t know we had a roster.”

“I designated you responsible. Those two will probably put something horrible on.”

“I heard about The Incredibles. You liked it. What’s not to like?”

“I guess it’s ok. I _have_ seen it before you know.”

“So, any recommendations? Last time I picked the movie, I just said “explosions and no dogs dying” and let TJ put something on.”

“I’m pretty sure the movie TJ has queued are all _safe_ , so when in doubt, just press play.” Sam advised, as he loaded up the popcorn bowls.

“TJ wouldn’t steer us wrong would he? I mean The Incredibles has already been done, so is there worse that he could do to us?”

“They’re up there, alone, if they’re not making out, they’re plotting. Grab some drinks, we need to intervene.” Sam decided.

“You may be right.” Bucky grinned. “But you’re gonna have to figure out the drinks thing. One arm, and a dog who needs help… I think there’s a tray around here, TJ used a tray the other day.”

Sam laughed, watching Bucky as he knelt in front of Yana.

“Yana, honey. Let’s go upstairs sweetheart.” Bucky said softly, placing a tender hand on her neck, and scratching gently. “I’ll bet you’ll love popcorn. I watched Sam make it, I promise he didn’t put anything in it.”

“Ha, you can’t see what I’m doing over here now.”

Yana yawned, stretching the best she could, and groaning at the reminder of her misery. She showed that she was getting the hang of standing up with this new situation, and she even kissed Bucky’s chin before he was out of reach. Bucky laughed at Sam, and his laughter softened with Yana’s kiss.

TJ met them at the bottom of the stairs, “I smell popcorn, but I’m not eating popcorn.”

“Here, you take these.” Sam pushed a bucket he’d found, and filled with soda bottles, in TJ’s arms. “Earn your popcorn. He’s got one, I have two, we can use two more arms.”

“We really can.” Bucky agreed, working with the harness.

“You got Yana ok? I can help if you need.”

“I got this, we’re adapting, I think.” Bucky smiled softly at TJ, “Thanks for coming to the rescue.”

Sam noticed very little difference between smiles given to the dog and smiled lavished on TJ and even Steve. Yeah, he wasn’t going to be letting the so-called, “survival instinct” retain much traction. The craziness in this house, the warm and wonderful craziness was healing Sergeant Barnes, and how the hell could he not support that?

“I told Bucky he’s next up to choose, so I hope you two haven’t been concocting some kind of torture.” Sam said as he stepped into the room. Steve was on the sofa, _innocently_ sketching, and looked up even more _innocently_ with a not so innocent smirk.

“It’s ok, we get the next two.”

“You know the rules. No Fury-sounding anything, and No Dogs Get Hurt.” Sam said, with a conspiratorial wink toward Bucky.

“Yup, those are the rules.” Bucky agreed. “So, if you have any of those on the list, TJ, I trust you’ll take them off. You’re keeping us sane sweetheart.”

“Oh, come on, do you really think I’d put something in there to torture you?”

“You tortured me.” Sam argued, affronted.

“Steve did that, and it was a cute movie.” TJ laughed, tickling Bucky’s neck as he stood next to him near the sofa. “We can’t help it that Nick Fury and Samuel L. Jackson have similar voices. We didn’t create either of them. You’ll just have to get over that part of your frustration Sam, I don’t guarantee he’s not in one of these.”

Bucky scrolled the list, choosing to stay on the comedy train.

While the production screens flared on the television, Steve set his sketchbook in Bucky’s lap as Bucky sat next to him, and TJ peered over Bucky’s shoulder to look at the picture Steve had been drawing of Yana.

Bucky reached across to put his hand over Steve’s, and gave it a squeeze, feeling a little resentful that he couldn’t just pull him into a hug, since Steve was sitting on Bucky’s left, but the feeling dissipated when Steve moved his hand from his own thigh to Bucky’s, increasing the tender intimacy a little. He let the movie tear the rest of his resentment down.

TJ set a bowl of popcorn between hmself and Bucky, and looked sideways at Bucky with a troublesome grin. He picked up a kernel of popcorn, twirling it gently between his fingers. Bucky watched the white blob rotate, and saw TJ flick it across the room. It fell short of the ottoman where Sam sat.

Bucky grinned, picked up a good-sized puff, aimed, and flicked. It struck dead center in Sam’s chest and bounced down along the side of the chair. Bucky was looking at the television, TJ had his hand in the bowl, and an incriminating grin on his face when Sam looked over. When Sam looked back at the TV, TJ gave Bucky a “Dude Really?” look. Several minutes passed before TJ tried again, popping Sam in the neck with the kernel. His straight face and Bucky’s bit lip, forcefully hiding a grin made Sam question the guilty party.

Bucky waited, sizing up the movie, seeing when something funny was being set up, he watched Sam closely too, hoping to time things perfectly, he used to be able to do exactly that as a sniper, but the mechanics were unreliable, so he had some reservations. Sam laughed, Bucky flicked, and the popcorn landed in Sam’s mouth, as intended. Bucky was _also_ ready to lunge across the coffee table in case his asshole move caused Sam to choke. Luckily it didn’t, and Sam was shocked enough that he didn’t have a chance to think of faking such a thing. He did curse Bucky a blue streak, while TJ and Bucky dissolved in fits of giggles, and Steve sat with his lips pursed as though he were trying to decide to say something to Sam, to TJ and Bucky, or if he could just give in and laugh.

Laughing definitely won out. Steve’s laughter, unlike anything Sam had ever seen, was a musical phenomenon. Steve hugged Bucky to him, laughing into Bucky’s shoulder.

“All right, it wasn’t that funny.” Sam pouted.

“It wasn’t, but these two are.” Steve said through fits. “They’ve been dying to do this, and that shot was pure gold Sam.”

“I could have choked and died.” Sam’s pout wasn’t as convincing this time.

“I was ready to save your life. What? I thought birds loved popcorn?”

TJ had thought he’d reined in the giggles, but Bucky’s comment pushed him back over the edge. Steve paused the movie while everybody got their bearings. Bucky rolled his lips between his teeth, with his brows raised, looking at Sam with a threat of laughter, but he was holding it back, hoping for some level of forgiveness.

“Remember everything I said downstairs?” Sam asked. His face couldn’t maintain the stern expression he was going after.

“Yeah.” Bucky said before biting his lip again.

“I take it all back.” Sam said, raising one eyebrow, still semi-stoic.

“All of it?” Bucky challenged, losing the will to hold his laugh.

“No, but I’m definitely not going with you two to the orchard.”

“Ok, have it your way.” A small burst of laughter escaped, “Sorry Sam.”

“You’re not, and neither is he. Back to the movie Skippy.”

“Yeah, Skippy.” Bucky parroted, squeezing TJ’s knee. “Play on.”


	17. Chapter 17

TJ and Bucky had taken the short drive to the orchard. As he climbed down from the pickup, Bucky surveyed the neighboring farm, and its well tended orchard. The sky was blue, but the weather was cool, and the trees were heavy with apples. There was a definite festive air with hand-painted "Apples" and "Pick a Bushel" signs. He could almost recall a time before everything. He could almost imagine hand-painted signs by market produce, him only tall enough to see the bottom of the fruit stand. He looked across the hood of the pickup to see TJ approaching.

“Are you ready for this? I tried to get Sam to come.”

They’d parked the pickup as close as they could to the orchard, TJ was glad they got there early, it was a busy time of year, but it looked like they beat the rush.

“I did too, but they both insisted we should have a _date_.” Bucky looked sideways at TJ with a smile as he slid his hand along TJ’s wrist, and linked his fingers with TJ’s. “I'm fine. I stuff that's primitive like those signs are so nostalgic. I think this is ok? I mean for us to be out on a date, right?”

“It’s always ok, goofball.” TJ smiled. “It’s ok that we’re out together, on a _date_. It's ok for you to be away from Yana for a while too. You know she’s going to be spoiled right?”

“Yeah.” Bucky smiled at both TJ’s teasing and the mention of Yana. “I’m sorry I’m so obsessed with her, I’m sure it seems weird.”

“No. She got you through some rough times, and she’s going through some stuff of her own, of course you’re connected and you’ll worry.”

“Sometimes I wonder if I’ll need her as much after I get the arm, you know?”

“You will. She helps in more ways than just balance and getting things for you. She helps when you have a bad time, and that’s without training. Just you wait until she’s trained.”

“Is that fair to her? She’s…”

“She’s a tripod, but she’s still going to be a capable companion and service dog.” TJ pronounced. “Unless you want to retire her, and you’ll still need her as a pet, we all will.”

“I shouldn’t be dwelling on this right now. I don’t know what I’m doing. This is technically my first date in decades, don’t let me spend it worrying about Yana.”

“I’ll put you to work, and you’ll never realize how much time has passed.” TJ grinned, tugging on Bucky’s hand lightly. “Come on.”

Bucky smiled, letting TJ pull him past the gravel lot and onto the worn path. TJ grabbed a bushel basket, before leading Bucky over to the tiny trailer that was serving as a concession stand. “Cider?”

“Yes thank you. I’d also like one of those apple cider donuts, please?” Bucky pointed to another hand-painted sign.

“You bet.” TJ grinned. “Hey, they have a hay wagon, you wouldn’t want to do something that cheesy would you?”

“Cheesy is good, corny is questionable, isn’t that what we decided?”

“You’d go?”

“Anything goes TJ. It’s a date, not a chore.” Bucky pulled TJ to a stop. When TJ was stopped in front of him, he tugged TJ’s arm, drawing him closer, “Even if we are here for apples, it’s. a. date.”

TJ bit back a smile, recognizing an incoming kiss for what it was. When Bucky’s lips found his, thoughts of being kissed in public gave TJ a simple thrill. It wasn’t exactly new to him, it was just nice to know he’d found someone who didn’t want or need to hide. TJ wrapped his arms around Bucky’s waist, kissing back with pleasure and just a tiny bit of urgency, before pulling away just enough to look Bucky in the eye. “First date, and we’re making out _and_ blocking the path.”

Bucky grinned, “We’ve been making out long enough to do it in public. However, maybe we should break it up so we don’t inconvenience anybody.”

TJ agreed and stepped up to the window to order their treats.

Once the transaction was completed, Bucky followed TJ to a spot along the orchard's outer fence, holding his hot cider close to his nose. The sweet and spicy steam made him think of apple pie in a Brooklyn kitchen. The smile on his face earned another smile from TJ. “You seem far away again.”

“I guess I was, a little.” Bucky answered, setting his cup on the fence post. He took a donut from TJ before continuing. “The cider reminded me of Steve’s ma’s apple pie. I should make one.”

TJ pulled a recipe card from the bag of donuts, “here’s an heirloom recipe.”

Bucky looked at the card TJ held as he continued to enjoy his donut, “Hmm, looks good, let’s hope we find some good pie apples. So, TJ. Before you got caught up in this mess, what were your plans?”

“I was just working at The Dome, trying to figure out what to do musically. I was taking a break from relationships, if you can believe it. I’d done the one-night stand thing so often getting high, that I stopped that cold when I got clean. I’ve been clean and responsible for three years. Tested regularly. My last relationship was about six months ago, and it was just going nowhere. We both agreed it was more out of convenience and loneliness than it was an emotional investment. We had this talk after sex, and we both just finally admitted we were better friends than lovers. I mean, I hope that’s not a problem for you, I see him often enough with work.”

“If you’re through, you’re through.” Bucky said as he took a sip from his cup. “So, we’ve stunted your musical growth, you’re keeping up on work at The Dome, and your personal life has gotten three times more complicated, and no sex to show for it.”

TJ looked at the big smile on Bucky’s face as he teased. “Yeah, what’s that all about anyway? I understand Steve, but come on.” TJ feigned annoyance.

“I’ve been preoccupied, and I apologize.”

“No, I was kidding. I’ve been this long, I respect you dammit.”

“That’s nice.” Bucky quipped, setting his cup back on the post. He brushed TJ’s cheek with his hand, “you’ve been a perfect gentleman TJ.”

“I’m no gentleman.” TJ sighed, “You just caught me on a good week.”

“It’s been longer than a week.” Bucky smirked, sliding his hand down TJ’s neck and pulling him closer. The kiss was spicy, and sweet. Bucky kept it quick and nearly innocent. TJ let the bag of remaining donuts hit the dirt as he pulled Bucky closer for more. Still conscious of their surroundings, he made sure that they weren’t making a complete spectacle of themselves, as he tasted Bucky’s kisses for just a moment longer.

“I know, I wasn’t sure how to phrase that. I’m in a good place, I can wait as long as you need.”

“At least until our date ends, right?” Bucky chuckled as he stepped back and leaned against the post.

“At the very least.” TJ grinned, picking up the discarded bag. “I got extras, we can eat ourselves through this.”

“I’ll take another.” Bucky held his hand out. “How is it? Was it hard to break away from everything?”

“Hard enough. Rehab and therapy helped, because I let them. Every time I was forced into rehab before, It was to appease someone, my parents, my brother, but this last time, I went in on my own, without telling them. I just hit rock bottom, which for me, not even a suicide attempt or accidental overdose could do it, but I came to the realization that I wouldn’t give a guy like me a serious shot at anything. I’d been screaming into the void “why won’t anybody give me a chance?” and I looked in the mirror, between the white powdery lines, and saw something I had been trying to ignore. I couldn’t blame anybody else anymore.

I took matters into my own hands, called 911, and begged for help. I told them I was going to die. I think at the time I figured it was a great big “fuck you” to my family, it was going to be very public, but I know I was really scared. I wasn’t suicidal then, but they took me in as if I was, and once I was in psych at the hospital, things got ironed out there. I told them I didn’t want any visitors, and that’s how I blocked the president from seeing her son. I went into rehab when I was released. It was two weeks before I let my parents come and visit me, and I made sure I was with a therapist when they did. I used therapy and rehab as a shield. They could give me their care and concern, but not their guilt trips over the spectacle I’d caused.

I was told it was cowardly, but my therapist shut them down. It was the only way I could do it right then. Granted, it was petty and a little cowardly, but it was all I could do at the time. Every attempt had been shoveled under a rug, turned into a secret performance of how to live according to a very strange subset of humanity.

This is a date Bucky, why are you encouraging this kind of talk?” TJ backed out of the depth he was sharing, “our first date won’t lead to a second if you keep letting me bore you.”

“We’ve already established how unorthodox we are and our relationship is. I’m encouraging you to tell me more about you. You know a lot of shit about me, I’m not the only one with – what is the proper word? Baggage?”

“No, you’re not. Yours is just vintage, mine’s designer.” TJ pursed his lips before taking a drink from his cooling cider.

“I want to know about you, and what makes you who you are. If you need to share things, I’m a good listener.”

“You’re right, you are. You’re amazing, and very easy to bare all to. However.” TJ grinned, “Today’s not the day for any more of it. The good news is, I’m clean, and I actually, generally, enjoy being sober.”

“Like today.” Bucky determined, draining his cup. “Let’s go find a hay wagon, or some apples, or whatever else you do on an apple-picking date.”

“Especially today.” TJ took Bucky’s empty cup and his, handing the donuts to Bucky, “hold these, I’ll be right back.”

Bucky watched TJ as he crossed the space toward a trashcan. He owed TJ’s mom for so much, but he couldn’t stand the way it seemed TJ was a second-hand consideration for his family. When TJ came jogging back, Bucky spoke up, “So, I’m sorry I put you on the spot TJ.”

“Please don’t be. We’re getting to know each other, and we both have some less than fabulous things to learn. The good part of it all is I finally picked myself up, and I care about what happens to me. I’m still in a precarious place where my family’s concerned, but I’ve blown it so many times, I understand their hesitation. What I have with you, and with Steve, is something else. It’s weird to be trusted.”

“It’s not easy to trust, but you earned it with your care for Yana that first night. I figure if she trusts you, and if you can pull through and do right for her, you must deserve it.”

“Sounds like an easy trust exercise to me.”

“No, it’s not.” Bucky put the donut bag into the bushel basket TJ was carrying, “It wasn’t easy at all. I owe my life to that dog, she’s not just an animal, and learning to trust her instincts was so much easier than trusting any human. You could have said anything just to get me in that car, but you didn’t. You stood up to Natasha in Yana’s defense.”

“I can’t believe I stood up to Natasha Romanoff. I have a death wish.”

“You stood up to Natalie, your boss, and she wasn’t ever going to hurt you. You were an ally.”

“I suppose.” TJ smiled at Bucky’s simplification, “you, on the other hand, were a surly old fart.”

Bucky threw his arm over TJ’s shoulders and laughed, “That’s why I love you TJ.”

“Because I’m disrespectful? Judgmental?” TJ stepped up to the hay wagon and greeted the driver. He climbed into the back of the wagon and held a hand out to Bucky.

Bucky smiled at TJ’s response, thinking about just how much TJ was the exact opposite. He accepted TJ’s assist before replying. “Refreshing and honest. I was in pretty shitty shape and an even worse mood. I put you in a bad spot, if I’d been thinking clearly, that wouldn’t have happened. I effectively asked you to keep me safe from Hydra.”

“You asked me to keep Yana safe. Your consideration of your own safety came much later. If Nat had been with _them_ , we’d both be in a bad way, right?”

“You don’t know the half of it.” Bucky sat back against the prickle of straw in the wagon, “You ever do this before?”

“Yeah, as a kid. What about you, I guess as a city kid…” TJ stopped, not sure if he was going to be upsetting Bucky, not knowing what memories he had recovered.

“Surprisingly, as a city kid in a different century, there were _still wagons_ on the street into the thirties. I hopped a wagon or two.”

“Shit, I didn’t even think about that, man you _are an old fart_.” TJ laughed as the wagon, now with about seven people on board, them, including a grandmother with her grandkids, and another couple, lurched to a start.

“You ok with that?” Bucky asked, linking fingers with TJ.

“I don’t mind the age gap. As long as you don’t.” TJ shuffled the bushel basket between his feet. The wagon rocked them along the three-row path made by the horses and the wagon’s wheels.

“When I was in Romania I had this amazing pastry, you’d probably like it, maybe I’ll try making it as well as the pie.”

“Was Romania a decent time for you? I know you’d been on the run, was it hard to rebuild all alone?”

“It was a very lonesome endeavor, but Romania was a better part of it. The people made it good. There were people in the neighborhood that made it less lonesome. Sometimes I even felt like one of them, instead of a paranoid mass of nerves.

There was a family that was concerned with the welfare of stray dogs. They took in the sick ones, fed the healthy ones, and every once in a while if I had extra from the restaurant, I would buy and take them scraps. A woman on my floor fed stray cats. I would get a little lazy from time to time, and one would slip into my apartment. I usually shooed them out, but there were times I just didn’t want to, so I would have warm, purring company.”

“Like that day I found you in the barn, napping next to Yana with the cat on your chest?”

“Like that, there was one, a white cat, and he liked to curl up on my head when I would lounge on the couch. He had the loudest purr, and he would knead my head with his paws. Sometimes I’d fall asleep like that.

Back to the people, that lady with the cats, she’s the one who made the pastry. Sometimes I’d bring dinner home for two and she and I would eat together in her apartment. Sometimes she’d bring extras over to my place. She had many stories about growing up, and filled the air with meaningful words, and never asked too much of me. She’d ask how was my day? This happened maybe once a week, a little less often when her grandkids came by.

She seemed to know so much about me, from the way she kept the kids clear of my apartment, to the painfully one-sided conversation, that I had started worrying that she was a spy. Come to find out I just reminded her of her son. She came by when she was missing him, or when she thought maybe I might be too close to the edge. She heard the nightmares, she figured it was a war thing. She couldn’t save him, so she hoped she could save me.”

“Sounds like maybe she did, a little.” TJ frowned.

“Yeah, maybe I can let her know that somehow.”

“I’ll help you. I think she might find a little peace.”

“If she doesn’t hate me now that the truth is out.”

“She feeds strays. She told you stories. She doesn’t sound like a hateful person.” TJ said as the wagon rolled to a stop. They waited and the grandmother apologized for her grandkids as they rushed to climb down. “No problem, they have energy to spare.” TJ smiled warmly.

Bucky hopped down and held his hand up to escort the woman down, and TJ sighed at the thought that anybody who met this man could hate him. TJ handed Bucky the bushel basket and climbed down, “Yeah, she’d really hate that guy.”

“What? I’m complex.” Bucky teased.

“You mind if I make an observation?”

Bucky turned around to face TJ, and stopped. “Anything goes, remember?”

“Your balance. You’re improving. Maybe it’s just a matter of malnutrition and weird things in your head. Maybe you’re recovering.”

“Maybe I am. That would be a good thing, right? Yana’s gonna have her own balance issues, one less thing for her to be alert to.”

“It would be a great thing. You climbed up onto that rickety wagon just fine and jumped down like an athlete. I think maybe you can worry less about her, and she can worry less about you.”

“What about you? Will you worry less too?” Bucky handed the basket back to TJ.

“About how much you worry? Yes. About you on the stairs? A thousand times, yes.”

“Well, I am an old fart, you might still have to worry about me on the stairs.”

“Let’s see how you handle the little ladders.” TJ teased, pushing the basket against Bucky’s midsection. “Unless you’re going to hold this while I climb.”

“I’ll have a nice view of your ass.”

The look of shock on TJ’s face was enough to make Bucky laugh, but he reined it in, instead chuckling lightly. TJ's wide-eyed look was soon replaced by something a little light-hearted but also a bit sensual. “You’d like that. Maybe a little too much.”

“Fine, I’ll go up, if I fall, I’ll heal faster if anything did break.”

“Yeah, I’ll try not to have a heart attack anyway. Try to pick just the good ones don’t pick any worm-eaten apples. They should just twist off if they’re ripe.”

“Well, aren’t you bossy?” Bucky grinned, “Don’t let me fall TJ.”

TJ laughed at the dramatic appeal. He watched protectively as Bucky stepped up the three steps, Bucky was right, even if he fell from the top of the tree, there was little chance of him being harmed too much, or for very long, but that didn’t stop the urge to ensure his safety.

“Be ready with that basket, I’m working with a handicap up here.”

“You got it ok?” TJ wondered how he’d manage climbing a ladder, picking apples, all with just one hand. He’d seen Bucky do amazing things on the farm, so he wasn’t concerned, but it was a point of curiosity.

“Yeah,” Bucky handed TJ an apple, “It’s gonna be a long day at this rate.”

TJ smiled as his fingers brushed Bucky’s “we can trade off. Did you get a chance to sample one?”

Bucky watched TJ’s mouth as he took a bite from the apple and handed it back up. “Um, no. Probably a good idea though.” Bucky braced his knees against the ladder and took a big bite from the crisp, tart-and-sweet apple. He took another bite, not breaking eye contact with TJ before handing the apple back. “These’ll make a good pie.”

“Yup, if we manage to get more than this one, half-eaten one.”

“You want me to throw them at you as they come off the tree?”

“NO!” TJ laughed as Bucky swiftly plucked an apple, and aimed for his head. “Don’t do it that way, too many bruises, on me and the apples.”

Bucky gently set the apple into the basket, smiling warmly at TJ. “You’re right, can’t bruise the apples.”

“Very funny.” TJ shook his head as Bucky pulled more apples from the tree, one then two at a time.

Bucky climbed down after gathering a bunch of apples, “your turn, I can’t have all the fun.” He took the basket from TJ, hugging it to his body, “That’s heavier than I thought it would be.”

“I was getting ready to set it down, but somehow I think you knew that.” TJ climbed up the ladder, going a little higher than Bucky had. “Hey, you look really good from up here.”

“As opposed to being up close?”

“No, you look… you’ve been through a lot, and you’ve been recovering, and sometimes on the farm you’ve looked a little more healthy than I’ve been used to, but with Yana and everything, sometimes you look drawn, and a little worn down, but right now with color in your cheeks, and a smile on your face, you look healthy. You look like a farm-boy. I know, really smooth TJ. Great way to compliment your date.”

“No, Steve’s mentioned it too, worried about my health. Everyone keeps trying to feed me, I guess I got used to it with Mrs. Stănescu, but you guys are really in competition with a true eastern European grandmother.” Bucky watched as TJ climbed back down from the high position with an armful of apples. “I know, it comes from a place of love.”

“It does.” TJ set the apples on top of Bucky’s haul, and put his hand on Bucky’s cheek, “If Nat and Steve were worried about you, you know you were in a bad situation. I’ll do everything I can to avoid adding to the obsession. You look amazing, in case Steve hasn’t noticed yet, I thought you should know.”

Bucky set the basket at his feet and put his arm around TJ’s waist. “You do know how to charm a date Hammond.” He tugged TJ closer, and TJ grinned before kissing Bucky.

“You’re pretty easy to charm Barnes.”

“Corny? Or cheesy?” Bucky asked with a smile as he released TJ and stepped back.

“Um, ok, you’re right, a little corny.” TJ blushed. “I can’t help it.”

Bucky’s smile remained as he helped TJ back up the ladder, “Don’t fall TJ. I will drop the apples to catch you, and that would be a terrible waste.”

“At least you’d drop them. I’m pretty sure I’ve dated people who wouldn’t. Of course, you might just be afraid to tell Steve what happened.”

Bucky bumped the ladder teasingly, “I’m not afraid of that one.”

“I might be a little afraid of you – if you don’t stop rocking the ladder.” TJ’s grip on Bucky’s shoulder tightened, but he laughed.

“I’m done. Sorry.” Bucky’s hand moved slowly from TJ’s waist, over his hip and he pulled it away to cover TJ’s hand on his shoulder. “I’m going to behave.”

TJ could imagine the thoughts flickering through Bucky’s mind, his hand lingered just so, and his eyes darkened perceptively. “Not forever, I hope.” TJ quipped before he hiked up to the next rung and turned his focus to apples.

* * *

TJ hefted the full basket of apples into the back of the truck, transferring them into a burlap-lined box. Bucky sat on the tailgate, eating a slice of caramel apple, and teasing TJ with it. “it’s not as sweet as you are TJ, but it’s pretty good.”

“Corny.” TJ said with a barely suppressed grin. He took a bite from the slice Bucky kept waving under his nose. “Sweeter than you.”

“Corny.” Bucky replied with a sticky kiss on TJ’s cheek.

“You wanna go see the alpacas? I think they’re the cutest, maybe even cuter than you.”

“We should go make comparisons.” Bucky agreed, hopping down from the bed of the truck. “Thank you for this TJ.”

TJ wrapped his arms around Bucky, tucking them under the warm jacket, “You’re welcome, I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. Let me grab my jacket and we’ll go see the cute fuzzy animals.”

“It seems so simple,” Bucky said as he followed TJ to the cab of the pickup. “I hope you understand how much something like this, a _fun date_ means to me.”

“I think I can almost conceptualize it. I can’t imagine your life before now, but it seems like something like today is long overdue.” TJ pulled the quilted flannel jacket on and buttoned it. He stepped closer to Bucky and started zipping his jacket too. “The air is getting colder. I think we’re going to have a freeze.”

“Good thing we didn’t wait to come out then. I hope they can get a good harvest before then.” Bucky had been noticing the increased number of farmers who had been in the trees alongside them, and the bustle was still going strong.

“They look like they’re taking advantage of today’s good weather. You ready?” TJ held out a hand and Bucky took it, stuffing his and TJ’s hands into his over-sized pocket.

“Yup, let’s see the critters.”

TJ watched Bucky as he sat on a stump, speaking animatedly with the handler of the alpacas. He had his fingers buried in the soft curls of one of them, as the animal leaned its head against Bucky’s shoulder. They were talking about the baby that was frolicking nearby, and the mama who was clearly in love with Bucky.

TJ’s hand trailed down Bucky’s left shoulder before he reached for the golden alpaca. “Yup, softer than you.” TJ smiled when Bucky looked up at him.

“That was never in doubt. I’m trying to decide if she’s softer than your curls though.” Bucky said, bringing color to TJ’s cheeks. He grinned as he got the reaction he was shooting for, and laughed when TJ turned away from him. “So, TJ, you should look into rescuing Alpacas at the farm.”

“Really? You want to be a farmer Bucky?”

“It’s an idea.” Bucky shrugged, still smiling. “They’re cute.”

“Don’t give me the puppy dog cute face, telling me cute alpacas are cute. Are you trying to kill me? Do you want me to go into a sugar coma?” TJ asked Bucky, his hands flew to his hips to mirror the exasperated tone, the very phony exasperated tone he was using on Bucky.

Bucky laughed at how ridiculous and endearing his boyfriend was. “You’re not even going to consider it? Imagine Steve with these little characters. Can’t you just _see it_?”

TJ rolled his eyes, walked back to Bucky, putting his hand on his shoulder again, before stepping behind him and giving his neck, and shoulders a good rub. “I love you,” he said quietly into Bucky’s ear. “Even if you’re impossible. I’m gonna go get some sandwiches, come and find me if you’re ever more hungry than in love with these “little characters”.”

“I’ll be there in a bit.” Bucky turned to look at TJ. “Whatever you think I’ll like.”

“Yeah, you're pretty easy going like that.” TJ kissed Bucky’s temple before heading out of the corral.

“That Hammond boy, he’s a good kid.” The handler said after TJ was gone, “It’s good to see him happy. Those damned reporters don’t give him space t’ breathe.”

“He’s very special.” Bucky nodded. “I’ll keep an eye on him. You know him long?”

“Since he was a wee thing, he seems more like his old self, must be you’re doin’ somethin right.”

“Just – I don’t know? He’s doing more than I am.”

“Nonsense,” the farmer’s eyes crinkled, his mouth turned upward almost imperceptibly, “saw you out there earlier, helpin’ each other, bein’ warm with each other. Last fella came out here with young TJ, was a cold bastard. TJ had some business and the stick in the mud that was with him wasn’t able to get out of the car without whining about his shoes and bitching about getting back to the city.”

“Well, I can definitely wait to get back to the city." Bucky stood up, "I appreciate everything, especially the kind words. I should go see if he found anything good. Thank you sir.”

Bucky gave the alpaca one last scratch before heading out of the corral and toward the picnic tables. TJ called to him from a spot under a tree and Bucky headed over.

“Thanks TJ. For the whole day, for lunch, for everything. I’m so glad we came. I’ve said that already haven’t I?”

“I’m not keeping track.” TJ smiled. He handed Bucky a white paper sack, “Hope you don’t mind we’re not at the table.”

“No, not at all, this is nice.” Bucky leaned against TJ “You got some sun today.”

“Yeah, it might be cool today, but the sky has been a beautiful blue. You know? I’m kinda glad Sam didn’t come today.”

“Me too TJ, it’s been nice talking to you, learning about you.”

“Talking, that’s what I’m glad of. You have been talking, you’re still pretty quiet around Sam. Is it nerves?”

“Maybe, a little. He’s everything I can’t be for Steve. He’s a good friend, stand-up guy, he’s got morals to spare.”

“Steve loves _you_ ” TJ set his right hand on Bucky’s left leg, “Sam and Steve don’t have the same relationship you and Steve do. You’re not feeling competitive?”

“Sam does for Steve what I used to before. It’s not competitive, it’s just…”

“You're reminded of who you were, but you’re not anymore and it hurts. and it’s hard to separate him from that.” TJ realized.

“Yeah.” Bucky laid his head on TJ’s right shoulder. “I guess I think I would have judged the person I am now pretty harshly, so sure he does too. I didn’t exactly try to earn his respect.”

“You weren’t exactly your own man at that point. Later in Germany, you were different. You fought together and you had each other's backs together. You don’t have to be who you used to be, to matter to Steve. He loves you, and he trusts you in a fight. Two things that you share with Sam, but you get a different kind of love from Steve.”

“I think we’re doing better, Sam and me. We talked, it’s just, it’s me. I need to adjust. It used to be just me, and then there was Steve, and everyone, and then no one again. I know I did that to myself by panicking and running, but I… it’s just...”

TJ rubbed his hand over the denim of Bucky’s jeans, “Just... Take it slow. No use getting worked up over it, you have one person with you right now. Take it one-at-a-time. Don’t worry about ‘everyone’.”

“I’m glad Sam didn’t come too TJ, but not for any of those reasons. I’m just happy we have a chance to do something that actually qualifies as a real date.”

“I am too. Eat, then we’ll head back.”

“I’m talking about having fun on a date and you’re calling it?” Bucky sat up and away from TJ, taking a demonstrative bite from his sandwich.

“You want to pick more apples? Another hay ride?” TJ thought he’d probably stay until the frost if Bucky wanted to extend their outing, the thought that Bucky might do the same for him shocked him.

“Can we make out on the hay wagon?” Bucky waggled his eyebrows.

“We can make out under this tree. On the hay wagon. Behind that barn. I’ll show you all the places we can make out, if that’s what you want to do. Or we can go back to the farm, and hide out in the barn and maybe the make-out session can get a little more heated.”

“I knew I liked you for a reason.” Bucky nudged his knee against TJ’s.

“It can all go down organically, _and so can I_ …” TJ smirked, “and we don’t have to worry about displacing Steve, and then with any future shenanigans he can judge how he wants to handle it.”

“I do like the way you think.” Bucky smiled before taking another bite from his sandwich. They sat side-by-side, eating quietly

“So, how about, we take the hay wagon back to the entrance, making out all the way.” TJ suggested, gathering up the paper wrappers from their sandwiches and chips into one of the two white paper sacks. “You’ll keep me on my best behavior in the truck, and then we’ll crash into the barn like horny teenagers.”

Bucky used TJ’s shoulder to push up from the ground, giving it a squeeze before offering him a hand up. “Crashing metaphorically? Or with our bodies only, right? Not crashing the pickup through the barn.”

“You’re hilarious.” TJ scoffed as he bent over to pick up the sack and their drinks, “Of course just bodies. I don’t want people coming out to find out what the noise was all about, unless you’re a screamer?”

Bucky didn’t realize he could still blush, and was pleased to realize that he could when he felt the color prickle his cheeks with heat. “I guess we’ll find out together.”

TJ laughed, linking his arm around Bucky’s “I can’t wait.” They walked arm-in-arm to the hay wagon stop, TJ tossed their refuse in the large wastebasket as they passed. They were the only two at the wagon stop. TJ held Bucky’s hand, and Bucky shivered as they waited. TJ opened his jacket, wrapping his arms and jacket around Bucky, “sleeping on cold concrete after a lifetime in cryo, it’s a wonder you ever warm up.”

“You say that like I’m some shrinking violet or something.” Bucky’s teeth chattered. “The air is freezing, button your coat back up TJ.”

“I’m perfectly warm like this. You love it. Stop complaining.”

“Just admit you’re doing it to get close, and rub up on me, and then we’ll talk.” Bucky teased, the shivers winding down. “You’re not cold?”

“I think my face is going numb. I’m cold, but we’re sharing heat, at least until the wagon gets here.”

Bucky kissed TJ’s chilled cheeks, then his nose, before kissing him on the lips. He pulled away and tugged TJ’s jacket from one side and the next, “help me get this buttoned up, you stubborn fool.”

“You’re calling me stubborn?” TJ grinned, buttoning the middle three buttons. He watched Bucky work a button into the hole with one hand, “I’m definitely not the only stubborn one here.”

Bucky stepped back as the wagon approached, pulling TJ along with him by the front of his jacket. “I’m still learning things about myself.”

Seated against the corner of the empty hay wagon, TJ put his hands up Bucky’s jacket, and unintentionally they wound up inside Bucky’s shirt too. He laid them flat on the warm skin of Bucky’s stomach, grinning against Bucky’s neck at the flinch he felt under his cool fingers. “Sorry, I didn’t realize they were so cold, or that I’d be sneaking up your shirt.”

“Sure.” Bucky nuzzled his cheek against TJ’s head before bringing his hand to TJ’s jaw. He gently pulled TJ’s mouth within reach of his and kissed him softly. “Why don’t I believe you?”

“I’m a troublemaker, but this time it’s true. Your shirt was untucked, it’s warm in there.” TJ kissed Bucky back, not quite so gently, as his hand wandered up Bucky’s chest.

“I’m glad I could help warm you up. You _are_ a troublemaker, at least you admit it.” Bucky laughed and squirmed a little under TJ’s touch.

“That’s right, you’re ticklish. I didn’t do that on purpose either.”

“I don’t know when to believe you.” Bucky said against TJ’s mouth. “I’m finding it difficult believing you now.”

“Believe me, you’ll know when something is intentional.” TJ muttered, as his thumb circled Bucky’s nipple. “I hope you don’t question my intent now?”

Bucky gripped TJ’s neck and nipped at his lip. He deepened the kiss, arching toward TJ’s touch, “no question.” He groaned as the hay wagon rocked them, tossing him firmly against TJ’s body.

When the wagon lurched to a stop, TJ dragged his hands down Bucky’s chest and out from under his clothes. “Fun’s over.” TJ sighed. “For now.”

“Now I believe it’s my job to “keep you on your best behavior”? Just how is that supposed to happen?”

“I’ll be driving, just remind me to keep both hands on the wheel.” TJ chuckled as he followed Bucky down from the wagon.

“I’ll do my best.” Bucky put his arm around TJ’s waist, and tucked his hand into the lined pocket of his jacket. “How many times is too many, to thank someone for a date?”

“You know, I should be thanking you. I’ve had the best time today.” TJ pulled Bucky closer, “I didn’t do anything but agree to come along.”

“You paid for everything, you drove, you _brought me out_ on a date.”

“I’m still gonna thank you Buck.” TJ said as they approached the truck, “Thank you for making me laugh, and for not freaking me out on the ladder, or teasing me about falling. Thank you for enduring the whole thing, instead of rushing and asking if “all these apples are necessary”. I don’t want to dredge up old dates, but I…

“Just can’t help making comparisons, I know. I heard about one of the fools.” Bucky said to TJ across the hood of the pickup. They both climbed up into the cab before he continued, “I hope the comparisons can stop because none of those so called men deserved you. I don’t know if I deserve you, but I do respect you TJ. I love you, and someday you’ll forget anybody ever mistreated you.”

“I might not forget.” TJ grinned, starting the truck, “But if you keep saying stuff like that, I’m sure it won’t bear much weight.”

* * *

“Stop,” TJ laughed, “I’m getting straw where straw should never go. I told you a blanket would be a good idea.”

“You were also impatiently stripping me. I didn’t know they’d taken all of the blankets to be cleaned, I haven’t been out here.” Bucky replied between kisses to TJ’s collarbones. “You good now?”

There was a thud against the wall of the barn that had TJ and Bucky look up, startled, “Shh. What was that?” TJ whispered, pulling his pants up for protection from more abrasions from the straw they’d been messing around in.

“I don’t know Sam. You’d think they’d head home when it started getting cold.” Bucky heard Steve’s voice outside, near the pile of wood next to the wall of the barn. “They’re grown men, maybe they’re staying in town.”

“I guess, so I guess Barnes won’t mind if I mess up _his kitchen_? I only asked if we knew when they’d be home because I’m getting hungry.”

“It’s Steve.” Bucky told TJ. “I guess we’re done here.”

“We can wait them out, and keep going.” TJ pulled Bucky over him, wrapping his legs around Bucky’s thighs, and kissing him. Bucky heard their voices receding as they probably returned to the house. He made a note to get some of the wood moved closer to the house.

“Sam’s not the only one getting hungry,” Bucky nipped at TJ’s lip, “that sandwich _was_ hours, _and_ a fair bit of activity ago.”

“You’re feeling pretty good about yourself, aren’t you?” TJ grinned.

“I think I did ok for myself. You weren’t complaining, or shushing me, for that matter, there was no shushing you either.” Bucky rolled onto the pile of hay, bringing TJ along with him. “The cold is starting to seep into the barn. Let’s go get some food, warm up, and if you’re still feeling…”

“Needy.”

“Frisky.” Bucky grinned against TJ’s mouth, “horny, if you prefer, we can take it upstairs, into a soft bed where nobody’s sensitive skin will be bothered. Sam’s planning to mess up the kitchen. Don’t make me go through that.”

“Fine.” TJ rolled away from Bucky, landing on his jacket. Bucky sat up and tossed a t-shirt at TJ with a chuckle. “This isn’t even mine. Ok, ok, I’m getting dressed.”

Bucky shrugged into what wound up being TJ’s shirt, before accepting TJ’s offer to help him up. He pulled his pants up over his hips and waited while TJ playfully fastened them for him, instead of watching while Bucky struggled. “Thanks. Forgot my gadget.” Bucky blushed.

“You’re looking forward to Wakanda for that one reason, aren’t you?” TJ asked softly. “You know you never have to worry about asking.”

“I know. I’m not worried TJ. I woulda gotten as far as the zipper, and left the button alone.” Bucky smiled, “I really don’t mind when you volunteer either. You didn’t stop me from buttoning your jacket. The way I see it, maybe I’ll be a little more useful with two, but by the time we’re done there, we’ll be back in the city. I found I could function pretty well in the city. Around here, I do ok, but could do so much more with two good arms.”

“Yeah, like raise rescued alpacas?”

“It’s not a terrible idea.” Bucky shook his head, grinning, as TJ stooped and picked up both of their jackets, shaking straw from them. “They’re sweet.”

“They are.” TJ smiled back at Bucky as they both pulled their jackets on, and he watched Bucky zip the front of his. “I know that’s not what you meant. You’re not looking forward to getting back to the city?”

“I think I am, actually. It’s almost too quiet here, for such an extended stay. I’m not saying I don’t love this place, I just…”

“You’re a city boy.” TJ nodded, “You, Steve, and I do need to have a talk about where we’ll be living.”

Bucky looked around the barn, making sure everything was safe to leave until morning. He put his arm through TJ’s “I’m going to be living with you. Let’s go get warm.”

TJ pushed the big barn door open and they both stepped through the opening into the twilight. TJ put his hand over Bucky’s as he took a deep breath of the clear, cool, fall air. The farm looked tranquil and beautiful. By morning, TJ thought for sure that everything would be frosted over. He made a note to wake at least one of his boyfriends up early to see it.

It wouldn’t be long and they’d be headed to Wakanda, and then home. TJ wasn’t sure how he’d adjust to all of the changes. He tightened his hand over the chilled skin of Bucky’s hand, if he was worried about changes; he wondered how Bucky was feeling.

They let themselves into the back door, kicking their shoes off into the tray by the door. Steve and Sam were in the kitchen debating what to fix, and turned to the sound of shoes clamoring against the floor.

“Thought you two decided to stay in town.” Steve smirked as TJ and Bucky took their jackets off. He noticed that they’d somehow traded shirts, “Doesn’t mean we’re not happy to see you.”

TJ put his cold hands on Steve’s warm cheeks, “You happy to warm us up too? Frost is coming.”

Steve kissed TJ’s cool lips, smiling between the palms of TJ’s hands. “We got fires started. Did you have a good time?” Steve put his arm out for Bucky, draping it over his shoulders when he stepped into the embrace.

“We did.” Bucky hugged Steve and kissed his cheek quickly. “there are apples in the pickup, if one of you warm-bodied boys want to give us a hand.”

Sam looked over from the stack of food piled on the counter, “I nominate your boy there, that way you can help me with this project.”

“Well, of the two of us, I suppose he’s less inclined for cooking.” Bucky knelt next to Yana, gave her a scratch on the neck, and let her kiss his still cool cheek. “You ok with that Stevie?”

“Yeah, just, how many apples are we talking?”

“We only filled one bushel basket, and there are apple cider donuts in a bag next to the box, those might warm up well after dinner with coffee.” TJ said, grabbing a jacket for Steve. “I’ll get coffee started.”

“I’ll make some cocoa if anybody wants a change.” Bucky added, kissing Yana’s forehead before standing up to start helping with dinner, “Whatcha makin’ Sammy?”


	18. Chapter 18

“Was it your idea to send TJ and Steve away? Fair time and all that?”

Bucky looked across the room at Sam. He’d been quiet since Steve and TJ had left for town, reading whatever thick novel he’d picked from the bookshelves, so the question threw Bucky off guard.

“I guess I declined because they need time together too, and I really didn’t want to go to town, not today. Yana might have liked the ride though. Why didn’t you tag along?”

“Same reasons, I guess.”

“How are you handling everything that happened? It’s not easy following him, especially when you get your ass kicked and then he gets you on a most wanted list.”

“He wasn’t the cause.”

Bucky looked into his lap before looking up at Sam. “I know.”

“I’m sorry.” Sam shook his head, “I shouldn’t have said that. He’s dedicated. I would like to think he’d do the same for me, even if our history isn’t as long-lived.”

“Fuck that, you know he would.” Bucky started, reconsidering his tone, “I don’t want to be a burden to them or to you. I’m a grown man. I’m not saying I don’t appreciate what you’ve done, I do. Thank you. Thank you for being a good friend to him too.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that. His friendship is a two-way street. As much trouble as there’s been, there’s been a lot of great stuff too.”

“I’m sure.” Bucky smiled. “So, you think we’ll surprise them if they come back and the house is still standing?”

“Maybe we should rig a smoke bomb or something, just to fuck with them.” Sam grinned.

“You want to give TJ palpitations? Steve, we could mess with, TJ? I think he’d freak out.”

“He’s a good guy. How’d you get so lucky? The guy trips over you, almost literally, meanwhile we’d been struggling to keep a tail on you. Steve can’t pin you down for two seconds, and all of a sudden you’re all one big happy family.”

“I don’t know, maybe my luck was on time-delay.” Bucky shrugged, he felt an uncomfortable pressure in his ears. “The good part anyway.”

Yana groaned and crossed the space between her bed and the couch where Bucky sat. She put her nose on his leg and rubbed her chin on his thigh. Bucky buried his fingers in her fur, breathing with her. “You wanna come up here Baby?” he cooed. The sound of his voice echoed in his head.

Wanting her near almost as desperately as she seemed to realize he did, Bucky encouraged her up, supporting her lame side as she made the transition. Yana leaned against Bucky’s left shoulder, and he breathed with her. She was still worrying about him. “It’s ok Яночка,” he whispered against her head. “I’m ok.”

Sam had set his book down and leaned forward, presumably to help Yana if she needed it. He sat back, cautiously watching Bucky. Bucky let out a little laugh, sounded more like a rush of breath, “I’m ok Sam.”

“Good. I was more worried about the dog, to be honest.”

“Queen of all she surveys. Still working hard.” Bucky rubbed his cheek on her fur. It felt like his ears needed to pop, but he’d take things as they came. With Yana on his side, quite literally, he was still capable of keeping the conversation going. Maybe it would help the anxiety pass. “So, you deflected the earlier question. How are you coping after everything you did for me? For us?”

“I’m afraid I’m getting too comfortable here.” Sam said after a sigh and a long silence. “It’s easy to get sucked into the affection and camaraderie. I miss that.”

“Stay with us.” Bucky said, still breathing with Yana, still drawing circles in her fur with his thumb. “It’s not easy being the lone wolf. Sam, it’s not necessary. Stay as long as you’d like. It’s not just southern hospitality rubbing off on me. There’s enough room; we’ll make room! You won’t have to spend time with us unless you want to. I promise we’ll respect your space. Won’t we Yana?”

“Wow Barnes. TJ really has rubbed off on you.” Sam smiled. “I’m gonna have to go home and see what damage has been done while I’ve been gone. That doesn’t mean you won’t see me. It wasn’t easy, being on the run. As comfortable as this place is, it’s not settled.”

“Yeah. I suppose I see your point. Don’t rush though.”

“Are you alright?” Sam was still sitting as though he was about to rush out of the chair.

“I’m being genuine Sam, we are enjoying your company.”

“I'm not being sarcastic, your dog is holding you upright, your voice keeps cracking, and I’m not trying to be an asshole but you look pale.”

“It’s not as bad as you’re making it sound.” Bucky forced a smile. “It’ll pass.”

“Anxiety?”

“Yeah.” Bucky continued to breathe along with Yana. “I don’t know what brought it on. Half the time I don’t, reasoned it away with living on the street, but now?”

“Yeah, it’s not always obvious, huh?”

“No, but I’m good. Got my special girl here, still calling the shots.” Bucky shifted on the sofa, letting Yana lie across his side. He laughed as he shared his thoughts with Sam, “I still can’t believe she found me and staked her claim on me so fully.”

“She’d take to the training really well, I think. Half of it seems almost instinctual.”

“Yeah, sometimes I worry I’ve stolen someone else’s service dog, but she came to me so battered, Sam. I nursed her as much as she helped me. I’m afraid to look and see if anybody’s looking for her, I don’t know if I could lose her.”

“You said her leg had been broken over and over.” Sam sat back in the chair, “She doesn’t appear to be the clumsy type. If she were injured by a car or something, a decent owner would have had the break tended to, especially if she was their service dog.”

“So are you saying _don’t look_?” Bucky asked, stroking Yana’s side, feeling comforted by her weight against his body.

“I never said anything.” Sam smiled.

“I guess she found her home and I’d be an idiot to question her judgement.” Bucky nuzzled his cheek against Yana’s head. “I’m sorry I interrupted your reading.”

“I started it. I’m going to go put together a sandwich, would you like one?”

“Hmm.” Bucky considered, paying attention to his body, the agitation he’d been feeling was dissolving, if he ate, he could probably keep the food down by the time Sam had finished making it. “Yeah, I think I could eat.”

“I’ll bring it up, no sense disturbing Yana now that she’s comfortable.”

“Thanks Sam.” Bucky half smiled, settling deeper into the sofa, breathing along with the giant dog whose presence and pressure were as soothing as the breaths he matched.

* * *

Sam worked in the kitchen, gathering sandwich supplies and thinking about the invitation to stay. It brought a smile to his face. He liked hanging out with Steve and TJ. Things with Barnes were starting to get easier. Today’s conversation, though stilted, wasn’t quite as forced as their previous attempts.

Maybe Barnes was asking questions out of genuine interest, and not because Steve wanted them to get along. Sam could see glimpses of the guy Steve would talk about when Sam, exasperated with their search, would suggest leaving Barnes to find them. He could see a guy who could be friendly and even joyous.

Sam entertained the thought of sticking around. He couldn’t even convince himself that it was to keep an eye on Steve in light of his current choice of housemates. He liked TJ, Sam thought as he piled meats and vegetables onto the two sandwiches. Steve was like a brother, his thoughts continued.

Then there was the dog. He couldn’t believe how quickly that tripod had won him over. Obviously, Bucky was her main squeeze, but she nuzzled up to Sam several times a day and it was just the best damned thing. Of course, she was technically ‘off duty’ while she recovered, so giving her loves was _ok_ , but Sam was going to have to break both of their hearts and stop encouraging it, if Bucky was going to go ahead with training her to do official service dog duties.

Sam pulled out a serving tray and loaded it with lunch for both himself and Bucky. He carried it up the stairs still thinking about Yana, and about how hard it was going to be to do _the right thing._

When he set the tray onto the coffee table, he thought that Bucky had fallen asleep, but a deep breath and slight movement proved him wrong. “Sandwiches, chips, and soda. Because at heart we’re still seventeen.” Sam said, standing at the edge of the sofa.

Laughing, Bucky swung his legs off the couch and sat up slightly. “Яночка,” he said quietly. She adjusted her position and curled up on the center cushion, instead of sprawled out across Bucky’s side, allowing him to sit upright. “You want to sit with us? I promise her table manners are decent.”

Sam sat next to Yana, “I was thinking about her. It’s going to be hard to stop encouraging her affections, but if you’re going to start training her, we should figure out the best way to stop any distractions.”

“I guess.” Bucky nodded, apparently considering Sam’s proclamation. “I like that she loves everybody, but we can’t have a broken support system, huh?”

“Exactly.” Sam took one of the sandwich plates and balanced it on his leg, “I think I might know one or two trainers if you want to partner with someone.”

“I could meet them.” Bucky nodded, “I keep finding more information on trainers than actual training. Of course, I could be using the wrong search terms. If you know someone, it wouldn’t hurt to talk to them.”

As they ate in companionable silence, Sam was caught up in his thoughts, wondering if he’d caused Bucky’s anxiety by suggesting pranking TJ and Steve. He was still thinking about being responsible when Bucky asked, “Hey, you ok?”

“Yeah.” Sam nodded, as if the motion would convince them both of the fact. “Just contemplating.”

“K. Contemplate something good to listen to, would ya? I’m getting tired of listening to you breathing.”

Sam laughed, then ducked his head laughing harder. “Ok, you asked for it.” He warned Bucky, pushing up from the couch.

Bucky made a noise that Sam thought might have been “Good.” He shrugged, still humored by Bucky’s tone. “Are you more or less receptive to new things than Steve?”

“Dunno.” Bucky answered.

“Well, we’ll find out.” Sam said as he scrolled through different playlists. He settled on some classic Motown to ease Bucky in.

* * *

Bucky sat back against the sofa and closed his eyes, listening to the songs as they played. Some he knew, Smokey Robinson he’d heard, The Temptations, and there were others he couldn’t place. Sam changed the playlist after a while, and some newer R&B, trickled in, mixed with some older pop.

Sam suddenly turned the sound up. “I remember seeing them do this one live.” He said with an excited grin.

“Oh really?” Bucky sat up a little straighter, “any good?”

“Yeah.” Sam’s smile softened, “Dude, it was the best thing to happen over there, I’ll bet you saw a few USO shows, right? We were tired and gritty, and this concert was all anybody could talk about all week leading up to it. Riley and I couldn’t stop giving each other shit. He wasn’t a fan, I thought they were ok, but we kept coming up with worse ideas to keep the other from seeing the show. Didn’t matter Riley wasn’t a fan going into it, it was something different, and you kinda hold onto anything from home. After meeting them and hearing them perform, Riley kept giving me hell, saying _I was the one who imagined_ he didn’t like them. I couldn’t stop quoting him. “Man they suck, listen Sam, the only reason I’m even going to that thing is to tell you ‘ _I told you so_ ’ when you come to your senses.” Sometimes you have to pull people aside and tell them they’re just plain wrong.”

Bucky laughed with Sam, “I remember the build-up. We knew weeks ahead of time, and it was one of the only things that could get you through the muddy hell. I missed Steve’s – I mean _Captain America’_ s big debut. It was talked about even in Azzano, ‘ _we’ll get back in time for the troop entertainment. Captain America’s leading the show. Wonder if he’ll sign my comic.’_ ” Bucky sighed, curling his fingers in Yana’s fur. For comfort, not out of intense need. “Kid didn’t come back from the ward. I remember someone saying, “ _Too bad the kid’s superhero won’t come and rescue him. Damn shame.”_ I was his replacement when he didn’t come back. His superhero _did_ rescue us. Just not in time to save him.” Bucky was quiet, looking at his stockinged feet on the coffee table. “I’ve never told Steve. I don’t think it would do any good, do you?”

“No.” Sam shook his head. “No, it wouldn’t. Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t think that would go that way.”

“It’s ok.” Bucky looked up, meeting Sam’s gaze. “It really is. I don’t… Things that pop into my head, I shouldn’t always say them aloud.”

Sam shrugged, “You don’t have to do that. I mean, _of the three of us_ , I’m your better target audience.”

“I hated that kid.” Bucky said without a thought, “Like you must have hated me. He couldn’t suck it up and survive so I didn’t have to go through that hell. I couldn’t stay dead like your pal Riley. Fucking people just not doing what they were supposed to do.”

“I admit, there was a time before Leipzig, a time where ‘ _I hate you_ ’ was more truth than it was satire. You nailed it too. Riley was gone and there you were, terrorizing the city.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever specifically apologized to you, or thanked you, I’m in a pretty amazing place and so many reasons why are due to you, your tireless searching, and your obvious death wish.”

 “Sometimes I wondered if I had a death wish.” Sam laughed, “I’m not going to say it was nothing, but I don’t need thanks. I _will_ take the apology.”

“Offered and given. I _am_ sorry I tried to kill you.”

Sam nodded as they exchanged a meaningful glance. They both sat back in their seats, listening to the music, each absorbing it in their own way.

“Hey, I just remembered, I _did_ see Marlene Dietrich.” Bucky said as they heard the pickup doors close outside. “The commandos were front and center for that one. What a presence. I think Steve was second only to her in selling war bonds. She definitely outsold him, but two powerful blonds out there sticking it to Hitler was a force to be reckoned with. She was fierce. Made Dum Dum blush.”

“Dum Dum Dugan? Blushing? I don’t believe you.”

“Oh you’d better believe it.” Steve said from the doorway. “You’re talking about Marlene? La Dietrich?”

Bucky grinned, kissing Steve when he leaned in for a quick one. “Wha'd you do, run up the stairs? We were talking USO.”

Steve turned pink as he sat down next to Yana.

“TJ, come over here, we’re going to hear Steve’s USO road stories.” Bucky chuckled, kissing TJ, “How was your date?”

“We had a good time. I don’t know if following it up by embarrassing my date is a good way to secure another.”

“You three are already committed. Dinner is a date for you guys.” Sam shook his head, rolling his eyes. “I want to hear more about Marlene Dietrich and how she could make Dum Dum Dugan blush like this guy over here.”

Steve took the bait, retelling ribald jokes that Dietrich and Dugan had used trying to best one another.

TJ sat on the sofa arm, teasing Bucky’s hair as he listened to Steve recount dirty jokes and dirtier stories. Bucky looked up at TJ with a tired smile and TJ leaned down to whisper in his ear, “rough day?”

“No, just a rocky half hour, Yana rescued me before it got too bad. We’re being the worst audience.” Bucky rubbed his cheek across TJ’s hand, kissing his palm before returning his attention to Steve’s story.

“I think the height of Dugan’s blush came when she implied that she could pleasure any of the guys’ gals better than they could. I think everyone except Bucky assumed it was simply a joke. Bucky enlightened me later.”

“Steve, I had to say something and you were the only one I could tell. I was sure you’d appreciate knowing that somebody as strong and exquisite as Marlene was attracted to both men and women.”

“I did.” The blush that had been fading was back to a bright pink across Steve’s cheeks. “Do you think anybody else realized it?”

“Maybe. None of them were prudes, fuck, half of them wouldn’t have cared if they’d known about us. Then again, it wasn’t a first thought for a lot of people. Whether it’s denial or whatever.”

“I donno Buck. I wasn’t afraid of much, but being found out, that scared the shit out of me. I was almost convinced one of them would figure it out.”

“There’s no way you were afraid of any of the commandos. Come on, really?”

“I was their leader, I needed their respect. Of course I was nervous I’d lose that, and the mission was too important.”

“Of course. Never entertained the thought that you could have been court-martialed and maybe even killed, that never worried you.”

“We were in a war. I was facing death every day.” Steve countered. “ _How_ I was going to bite it wasn’t ever something I gave too much consideration.”

“That would have been something to see, besides blushing, how was the spirit of the jibe taken among the ranks?” Sam asked.

“Oh, well. None of them believed she was talking about _them and their gals_. Must be the _other guy_.” Steve chuckled. “That went on for days. “ _Wasn’t talkin’ about me, must ‘ve been you mate_.” I have to admit, after Bucky explained it, it was a lot harder to keep a straight face around them. Who started this little discussion anyway?”

“Hey, they’re getting along.” TJ snickered, “What’s a little embarrassment in exchange for that?”

“Sam was telling me about a USO experience, and then things almost went downhill from there. Then I remembered Marlene and I stole his thunder.”

“Wasn’t any thunder to steal, I just said I saw that act live.” Sam shook his head in disbelief, “Riley didn’t get to gloat, and to be honest, I think that’s the only reason that song’s in my playlist.”

“Oh yeah, I also apologized to Sam for trying to kill him.” Bucky added. “Who is hungry? I think sandwiches were a while ago. There’s pizza dough in the refrigerator.”

“Homemade pizza sounds amazing.” TJ rubbed Bucky’s shoulder before standing up, “I’m going to go change, and I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

“We’ll let you two do all the work.” Sam smirked, sinking lower in the chair, “I had my brief foray in the culinary arts today.”

“He means he _made the sandwiches_.” Bucky said as he stood up and patted Yana’s head, “Stay here with Stevie sweetheart.”

“I will darlin’.” Sam crooned as Bucky walked around the coffee table.

“Yeah, you know I was talkin’ to the pretty one.” Bucky bumped roughly against the chair as he passed.

Bucky stopped at their bedroom and peered inside. TJ was taking his jeans off, and had a pair of sweats on the bed next to him. “You sure the date was ok?”

“Yeah.” TJ smiled, looking over his shoulder. “We had a good time. You sure it was just a ‘rocky half hour’?”

“Mm-hmm.” Bucky entered the room, wrapping his arm around TJ’s waist. “Preamble to an anxiety attack. Yana was on point.”

TJ leaned back against Bucky, rolling his head back when Bucky peppered his neck with kisses. “We went into town and wandered, almost playing tourist. As much as I love it here, it’s starting to feel suffocating.”

“Did you guys talk about going back to the city?” Bucky stepped back, letting TJ finish changing. “I told Sam he should stay with us.”

“Was this before, during, or after the anxiety attack? Are you sure you’re feeling ok?” TJ’s tone was teasing as he turned around, pulling the sweatpants over his thighs.

“It was during.” Bucky admitted, standing with his hand in his pocket. “Are you questioning my sanity?”

TJ grinned, pulling Bucky into an embrace, “not at all. I’ll leave that to you. So, pizza huh?”

“Pizza, calzones, pizza-stuffed bread. You pick.”

“Let’s just do pizza. Everybody can choose their own toppings, once we get everything prepped.” TJ followed Bucky down the stairs and into the kitchen. They washed their hands before gathering supplies and ingredients.

“You’re dying to ask.” Bucky bumped TJ gently. “I don’t exactly know what caused it, but we were joking around about not killing each other, and Sam suggested a smoke bomb for when you guys got home. My ears started ringing and my chest got tight. Yana came to my rescue right away. I’m not leery of explosives or anything, and know rigging a smoke bomb would be the equivalent of a kid’s science fair project. All I can figure is the thought of upsetting you freaked me out.”

“I don’t want to even indirectly cause your anxiety. Let’s pretend it was anything else. Just the barometric pressure at the time you were talking, that would be better.” TJ urged. “I’m glad Yana knew what to do, and that you knew how to listen to her.”

“She’s not letting this recovery stop her.” Bucky started rolling out the pizza dough.

“Like someone else I know. Will you even need the new arm?” TJ was smiling as he chopped vegetables.

“It could come in handy.”

“Oh, that’s funny. You’re a genius.” TJ set the knife down and wrapped his arm around Bucky’s shoulders from behind, “You should definitely take your act on the road.”

“I could use a musical opening act, you know anybody? Preferably a cute pianist.”

“I’m not available for nights or weekends. I could check around.”

“Really? What’s so important keeping you occupied on nights _and weekends_?”

“I have this boyfriend. Maybe you know him? Tall, blond, recently on the world’s most wanted list?”

“I see. What if I told you you’re his side piece, days only.”

“You fucker.” TJ kissed Bucky’s neck, “side piece, really? You son of a bitch.”

“Ok, so it’s safe to say it’s a no all the way around on a world tour. No pianist and a one-armed really un-funny guy would be a horrible night out.”

“I guess I can convince _your_ side piece to let you tag along.” TJ went back to chopping and slicing.

Bucky shook his head with a smile. “I’m not sure what I did to deserve you TJ.”

“What? You don’t deserve a sidepiece’s sidepiece? You don’t deserve a smart-ass boyfriend who loves the hell out of you? You don’t deserve…”

Bucky picked up a square of cheese and put it into TJ’s mouth before he could continue. “Wanna start grating that?” he pointed at the rest of the cheese on the counter, “I’m so sorry I doubted my worth. So very sorry.”

TJ laughed as he finished the cheese in his mouth, “You know you’re nobody’s sidepiece.” He grinned as he took up the chunk of cheese to start grating. He watched as Bucky shaped and actually tossed the dough for the crust one-handed. “We’re getting you into culinary classes as soon as we’re back from Wakanda.”

Bucky nearly fumbled the pizza dough but managed to recover it and lay it out before working another section of dough into a second crust. “There’s no rush.”

“Of course.” TJ’s gaze flitted to Bucky’s “I don’t want to rush you, but it’s a priority when you’re ready. What?”

“I think we’re doing the magnet thing.” Bucky leaned against the counter, his fingers closed around the floured ball of dough. “You know, polar ends pushing against each other? I’m ready whenever. I just didn’t want to jump on it because I don’t want you thinking I’m taking advantage of your generosity. Again.”

“Bucky.” TJ set the cheese down, wiped his hands on a towel, and took Bucky’s face in his hands, “I’m gonna have to wash my hands again, but it’s for a good reason. I’ve never believed you were taking advantage of anything about me. I’m happy to tap into my contacts at The Dome, find out anything I can about culinary schools and scholarships. My brother took a chance with me, and after I nearly blew it, I was able to turn things around. I’m paying it forward. I believe in you and I know this makes you happy. It’s a choice though, your choice. If you want it, it’s there _immediately_.”

Bucky brought his hand to TJ’s cheek, “Thank you.” He dragged his palm down to cup TJ’s jaw, laughed a little, in spite of the stinging in his eyes, “Sorry about the flour.”

TJ pulled Bucky’s face to his, kissing him loudly, messily, on the mouth. “I’m not worried about that.”

“You two cooking or wearing dinner?” Steve asked from a shockingly close distance, having snuck up on them in an uncharacteristic move. He wrapped his arms around Bucky and TJ, kissing Bucky’s neck.

“You’re brave or have a death wish.” Bucky reprimanded, reaching behind him and powdering Steve’s face with flour too. “You got lucky.”

TJ pulled away with reluctance, “We decided everyone picks their own pizza toppings. You’re just in time.”

“But I should _not_ sneak up on Bucky.” Steve nuzzled his face into Bucky’s neck, “Sorry Buck.”

“You’re fine, this time. How’s Yana?”

“She’s snoozin’ on her bed. Sam told me she was due for her pain meds, so I went ahead and dosed her and that’s why I came down. To let you know she’s good for a few hours.”

“Good thing you did, now you can fix your pizza.” Bucky followed TJ to the sink, washing up from their distraction, “Sam, that means you too.”

“Was I that loud?” Sam asked as he came through to the kitchen.

“No, not loud. I wasn’t _distracted_ this time like I was when Steve snuck in.” Bucky dried his hand and returned to the crust dough. “Steve or Sam, you two fight over who has to brown the sausage. TJ and I have our hands full. I just remembered it was in there.”

“What? The chef forgot an ingredient?” Steve teased, pulling the paper-wrapped meat from the fridge, “I’ve got this.”

“Thank you.” Bucky said sweetly over his shoulder.

“I found the numbers for those trainers we were talking about.” Sam leaned against the counter before deciding to pull out another knife and started preparing a salad. “Sent them to your phone and sent a heads up that you might be in contact.”

“Thanks Sam. I will, I know a lot of what I’ve been doing with her is good, but I really want to do it right. That’s going to be a great help.”

“I think she’s going to be great at it,” Steve said over his shoulder, turning the sausage in the pan, “I’m glad you’re getting used to the idea of letting her do what she’s still clearly set on doing. If any of these trainers give you any pushback, remember, you know Yana best.”

“I agree, you know how far she’s capable of going, and you’re always her champion,” TJ added, “just like she is yours.”

“The hardest part of this is worrying about hurting her.”

“Bucky, your balance issues are correcting themselves, and when you’ve got the arm back you’ll be as badass as ever. So, concerns over you falling and her trying to stabilize you aren’t going be an issue.” TJ scooped the chopped vegetables into a bowl, turning to face Bucky, “Focus the training that you would have done there on DPT. The number of times she’s calmed you just by using the pressure of her body against yours is a good sign that Deep Pressure Therapy is good for you, and she’s instinctively figuring that out.”

“She did it again today.”

“She did indeed.” Sam nodded, popping a tomato chunk into his mouth. “Damnedest thing. That dog’s a real angel.”

“I agree.” Steve drained the sausage, “I’m grateful she found you, Buck. Sausage is done, anything else holding up the pizza assembly line?”

“Nope, last crust ready, TJ rocked the vegetable chopping block, and the cheese.” Bucky pulled containers from the fridge, “more topping choices here, and there’s sauce on the back burner.”

Bucky ducked out of the room while they were gathered around the kitchen island building individual pizzas. He went upstairs to look in on Yana. She was sleeping on her bed in the entertainment room, drugged as she was, she didn’t move when he knelt in front of her and rubbed behind her ears. He looked over her incision area, now mostly a bald area with scabs and healing spots. Because they had doctored and babied the wound, there had been no infection. She was even spending less and less time being drugged. Bucky patted her muscled rear leg and whispered soft love words in Russian before standing up and heading back down to tend to his own dinner.

“How is she?” TJ asked as Bucky came back through the kitchen archway.

“Sleepin’.” Bucky shrugged, “She looks so peaceful.”

“I got as far as sauce,” TJ pushed Bucky’s crust toward him, “wasn’t sure which toppings you’re in the mood for.”

Bucky kissed TJ’s cheek, “Thanks babe.” He started adding toppings. “Where’d they go?”

“Outside, startin’ fires.” TJ was loading the three completed pizzas onto a pizza peel, “There’s a pizza oven out there and we thought we’d hang out by the fire pit. We can leave the door open in case Yana wakes up. If that happens, Steve said he’d bring her bed out.”

“Sounds like a good idea. We haven’t been appreciating the autumn weather quite enough lately. Should we try to bring her down?”

“No, we’ll take turns checking on her. If it makes you feel better, put the gate up on the stairs so she doesn’t try to come down on her own.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll do that. Was that a “keep the twins in line” gate?”

TJ laughed, “actually, it was for my grandpa’s dog when he was too arthritic to make the trip, but too stubborn to know it. It’s not as old as you’d like to think.”

Bucky added his pizza to the peel, “I’ll try to put the gate up, if you wanna take those outside.”

“You want me to send someone in to help?”

“Nah, I got three good limbs, I think I know a pretty easy way to get it situated. If you hear a thud, you can come check on me though.”

“Don’t even joke about that.” TJ turned to Bucky with a ‘how dare you’ look.

“Promise you’ll check on me?” Bucky grinned as he hurried through the archway.

“NO.” TJ called after him, carrying the pizza peel to the double French doors. He thumped on the door with his elbow and Sam came to open it.

“What’s this?” Sam asked seeing TJ’s frustrated expression.

“How do you put up with them and their ‘I’m gonna do this thing that would kill a person, don’t worry about me.’ Nonsense?”

“What’d he do?” Sam took the pizza peel from TJ and put the pizzas into the stone and brick oven.

“He thinks it’s funny to tell me to check on him if I hear a thud. He’s putting up the gate on the staircase.”

“This one jumps out of airplanes without parachutes. Don’t worry about a dozen stairs.”

“I didn’t need to hear that either.” TJ put his arms around Steve’s waist from behind, Steve turned around and hugged TJ back. “The less I know about you and your superhero activities the longer _I’ll live_.”

Steve turned, laughing softly against TJ’s neck, kissing him. “I didn’t say a word.”

“Sam, Bucky tells me he asked you to stay with us. Tell me you’re thinking about it?”

“I like it here, but you guys will be leaving soon, and somebody needs to check on the place.”

“We’re chasing you away.” TJ moved to sit on the chair nearest the pizza oven, “Too much?”

“No. I don’t mind seeing Steve happy and Barnes stabilizing. I’m really glad you and I met, TJ. You’ve really gone out of your way for me.”

“But the house. You know I could have somebody make sure it’s still standing." TJ offered, "Though, I can understand if you’re anxious to get home. We’ve just really enjoyed having you here.”

“You’ll see more of me once you get back from Wakanda. Between now and then I still need to hook up with Nat and make sure everything’s going our way. Besides, I’m still around for a few days.”

“Well, remember, the offer still stands.” Bucky said from behind Steve. “Right boys?”

“Absolutely.” Steve smiled at Sam, “Any time.”

**Author's Note:**

> The limited Russian words used in this fic were translated from Google Translate. I apologize as a monolingual American if I have chopped up your language. I took liberties with Yana's name for fictional purposes.
> 
> Yana is a stray who found Bucky and who has an instinctive ability to come to his aide. This is fiction and I am asking for leeway for her character. Service Dogs in real life undergo vast professional training and I don't mean to undermine or make light of anyone's relationship with their SD's. Any rules broken by myself, Bucky, or any of the gang are fictional, please use the utmost respect when you encounter a person and their SD and don't pet the dog while he or she is working.
> 
> I welcome comments - I crave them like potato chips - Please take a minute and talk to me about how this makes you feel.


End file.
